from our family photo album
I have frequently posted this piece written in the memory of my late mother. I share it often because the loss of a loved one, in this case a parent, leaves memories that linger a lifetime. I treasured mom in her life and perhaps even more so since she has gone some ten years ago. Dad is still thankfully with us and he played his own important role in our lives yet there is something distinctly unique and compelling about a relationship between a mother and son or daughter. When it is special and so near and dear to the heart as mom was to mine, sometimes words fail to come easy. I share a few thoughts here and hope it brings some sense of peace and connection for those who have lost a dear parent and friend...
Dear Mom,
I awoke this morning in a rather pensive mood. An emptiness rested upon my soul, a heartache, longing, tearful moments inescapable as I raised myself from sleep.
Sometimes memories work on me like an aggressive cancer, spreading to depths I previously did not know of or dare to go. I feel as though we were separated unjustly, you just slipped away. Not a harsh word you ever spoke nor evidenced by obvious thought...yet the ravages of your illness took you away. So undeserved was the sickness that befell you, the cognitive failure, cherished moments in your life lost.
I sit here in the silence of an early dawn, breathless, longing to just see you again. Yes, I have visions of your glowing smile, the laughter you bathed upon tired souls. You cared and you coddled till you had no more. You nurtured, you comforted this child for all your years. Regardless of the times I made you cross, testing your trust, not deserving of your kindness, it was then that you loved me beyond recompense.
And now as I reflect on the time that we had, I am truly touched to the core of my very being. For all that you shared, so little you asked, laying there in final moments in stillness, dream state. For the days that you paused before passing away, comatose, lifeless, so very at peace, I sat by your side with your hand in mine, a mother and son's affections for perhaps the last time. How painfully hard it was for me to gently release of your hand...all I wanted in those moments was to forever stay.
It is in these moments now that I dearly miss you so. You were my heart and my breath, my vision, my soul. Though our times were filled with kindness and joy, though we shared as no others I still feel the pain. Our separation haunts me this very day and I wish, how I wish just to see you again.
I pray that wherever you are and whatever you do you may carry the gift of our love with you. Some day perhaps by your side I will be, our hands clasped in memory, the warmth and energy...transference between a mother and son, a life filled with blessings forever gone.
Life passes by now, an eternity, minutes turn to hours, days into years. In life you inspired the person I am and in your memory I cherish all that you believed. Perhaps in my dreams I will know you are near, my angel and saviour, my reason for being.
I miss you more than words will ever convey....how my heart aches this morning just to see you again.
Love always dear heart,
Your son, your friend.
Such a wonderful tribute
Thank you Annabel. There isn't a day that goes by I don't think about her...not one. Hugs.
Marvellous.
La Korova, what a wonderful comment! Big hugs for you!
Oh, wow.. speechless.
Olivia, bless your dear heart. This letter has always drawn tears. At least we have fond memories to hold onto. Many hugs.
This is a real heart warmer.
Tempe, I'm touched that you think so. Thank you for being here and commenting. Hugs.
So lovely.
It is good you have your skills as a writer to get all of this down in such a lasting form
Phil, thank you very much for being here and your kind remark. I write this type of piece to help others as much as myself. A decade later the the deep sense of loss lingers...always will.
Awww.
Oh Don, there is nothing as authentic as that which comes straight from the heart
Thank you Tessa. Mom was an exceptional person and dearly missed. Hugs.