Mandy's Blog

You've tried all the name-brand diets, the fad diets, the single-food diets and the so-called "easy" diets.
You've tried diet pills, patches, shots and hypnosis.

No other diet plan or product can make you lose 6-10lbs as FAST as the plan that I am about to share with you!
"Just how fast is FAST?" you may ask. Is 48hrs fast enough? How would you like to go to bed on Saturday night at 117lbs and wake up Tuesday morning at 111lbs?

Sounds like a dream-come-true, I know!
But it can be your REALITY with the

BREAKFAST FOOD POISONING
ALL-INCLUSIVE 8-STEP PROGRAM
!!!!!

It's true! In as little as 48hrs, I lost 6lbs by simply eating nothing and puking my guts up! But that's not all! Whatever was seen as unfit for upchuck by my singularly exacting digestive organs was simply flushed out the poop chute! That's right! No need to buy costly products that claim to "cleanse the colon!" At this point, you could straighten out my lower intestine and use it as a telescope & see for miles!
SAVE YOUR MONEY FOR LAUNDRY DETERGENT AND TOOTHPASTE!

Now, you may be wondering where you may purchase such a program, or even be pondering just how much you would be willing to pay for such a MIRACLE BREAKTHROUGH! $10, $20, $30, $500??? Put away your checkbook for just a moment, because...
IT'S COMPLETELY UP TO YOU!
Here are the program steps:

1. Go to your local deli or donut shop and purchase 6-10 boudain kolaches, preferably the first ones made that morning at 4am or so.
2. Ask the counter girl to heat your kolaches, because, after all, they are ice cold after sitting out for nearly 4 hours!
3. Take your kolaches home, but don't eat them right away. Just leave them in the bag on your table or kitchen counter and go about your morning routine.
4. When you've finished your most pressing chores (time lapsed 20-30min), take out as many kolaches as you plan to consume in the next 20 minutes and microwave them. Leave the remaining kolaches in the bag on the counter.
5. Resume your daily business until lunchtime!
6. When you're ready for lunch, just pop the remaining luke-warm kolaches into the microwave and enjoy!
7. You're nearly there! Now you just let nature take its course and wake up the next morning nauseous and weak. You'll know the program is working when you re-experience18hrs worth of semi-digested food! Hello, again, yesterday's dinner!
8. That's it! It's out of your hands now! No amount of Tums or Pepto Bismol is going to undo what's been set in motion, and in no time you'll be a guaranteed 2 sizes smaller! 

I'm leaving this on an honor system, so you can use it and just pay me what you think it's worth to you. I accept cash, checks, credit cards, travelers checks, money orders and foodstamps.

This has been an unpaid blog-mercial for the BREAKFAST FOOD POISONING 8-STEP PROGRAM and is in no way meant to be a substitute for medical advice. Always consult your doctor before starting any diet or exercise program. Results vary and depend on weight, age, health and number of children living in household. I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV. Do not sue me if you are stupid enough to try this- I don't have any money and besides that you don't know where I live- so there.

Current mood:pleased

Potential Blog Titles:  

"You Might Be Anal-Retentive If"

or

"How To Give Your Child a Complex"

So, we are walking into the restroom at the library, Pamango Tasha (Tuesdai's best friend/Build-A-Bear) in-tow. We have merely crossed the threshold when, in an appropriately authoritative tone, Tuesdai instructs Pamango Tasha, "Don't. Touch. Anything!"

Is it wrong that I beamed ridiculously with pride?