John House

The one where the retired cop is forced back into action by the unrelenting harrasment of a mysterious foregin gang bent on destroying the fabric of American society by importing drugs and a religious fundamentalism that esposes close-minded doctrines at odds with the American freedoms that the cop is passionate to protect by shooting everbody and blowing up things despite the captains repremandes that the officer never listens too because he is on the edge and he can't quit, despite his handicapped childs shortcommings and his wife's alcholoism that eats him up inside, but that is why he has to fight these crooked gang members who wired a bomb to an innocent child inside the convention center that is full of women in bikini's that the cop flirts with by dropping well written oneliners while killing lots of foreign looking bad guys with one gun that never has to be reloaded and was given to him by his father, who was also a cop, that was gruresomly killed by the gang-leaders grandfather who looked just like his grandson who always escapes the cop's grasps and fianlly he hijacks a blimp and ends up on a rooftop bathed in spotlights with the cop's handicapped kid and a puppy as hostages but the cop knows something that the gangster dosen't... His gun is actually out of bullets... and the bomb is actually a bar of chocolate with popcorn on it... AND the kid who you thought was crippled the whole time CAN WALK! and the gangster gets hit by the blimp that is full of explosives and all the gangs drugs which BLOWS UP! destroying the whole shippment of drugs but dosen't hurt the cop or the kid or the puppy who all hug and cry and the cop says something funny about stuff like "I hope he had a GOODYEAR!" and they all start laughing, untill the mom shows up in a helicopter with the captain who is pissed but, after lighting a cigar he smiles and reluctently gives backhannded praise to the cop who thinks his wife is gonna be angry but she's not and she still loves him and they embrace then the cop says "Boy do I need a vacation and a..." but he is interrupted by the squak of the police radio which says that another crippled old lady puppy has been kidnapped by a ruthless gang of foreigners who have programmed to it kill the president of Nambia at a world summit and the cop says "I guess I'll have to wait till Passover, " and they all laugh again. Yeah that one is my favorite.