Lula's a Pub

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Aaah, Fall is in the air and Halloween season is upon us.  Time for some Quotes of the Week:

"I can't cum that far--put it on the bottom of your ass."
--Bradley, on tramp stamps

"Where I come from, we don't play games."
--Random Girl who'd been doing trivia cards with a stranger for two hours

"Eat the muffin!"
--Edna Krapbopple

"I've got a lump, too, and it's easier to get rid of."
--Peter Griffin

"It's like I have no moisture in my whole body."
--Rachel

"She grabbed this book off of the coffee table and all these dicks fell out of it."
--Matt G. has some odd friends

"I'm the good boy."
--the delusions of Matt K.

"What is in my mouth?!"
--Court-A-Pottie

Well, that's it for now.  Time to write a good old fashioned Halloween blog.

Here are your anti-Riverfest Quotes of the Week:

"He's on a type-machine."
--Matt K. apparently has forgotten old technology....like the typewriter

"My Best Friend is My Penis"
--Not really a quote, but the title of a show that I noticed on MTV2

"I wish I could engage in some criminal activity."
--Steph (apparently, Lula's doesn't pay that well)

"I am not a kangaroo."
--Big Jon (just in case anyone was unsure)

"He smells like pee-pee...I'm gonna keep him."
--Milo Oblong

"Your shirt seems very anit-anal beads."
--Scarlet, talking about my BPRD shirt (?)

"Badass croquet player."
--just a phrase I overheard from Ballard that's not the kind of thing you often hear

"All money is spending money."
--Joel McHale

"Well, now that you know what you're smelling for."
--Peaches destroys the English language while talking about his electric cigarette

"HE'S SO CUTE, BUT HE WANTS ME TO BEND OVER SO HE CAN SPANK ME!"
--what the drunk girl screamed out 18 times

"I woke up today, so I think I'm cool."
--Jay, on his recent concussion

"the guy he hired was another airplane...driver, I guess..."
--Door Steve (talking about "Whiteout")

"I only grow under nose pubes."
--Happy Birthday, Door Steve!

That's all for now.  Come on down to Lula's this weekend to avoid the Riverpuke crowd.

TGIQOTW:

"I'm gonna get that son of a bitch!"
--closed captioning from "King of the Hill" (what the old dude in the retirement home actually said was "I'm gonna get that thieving slut!"....I guess we're protecting the hard of hearing)

"Really, I was just being a bitch."
--Ponton being honest

"You know, why don't I just quit my job and become a bum-fucking bartender!"
--Ryan let's loose

"I also got fucked by a dirty car."
--More Ponton

"Oh, the Gap app...I've got to get it."
--Jay watching an iPhone ad (then, he got it)

"I been kicked out of the sleaziest bars in town."
--overheard a redneck in front of Duck & Dive

"Is that a cock ring?"
--Chuck D. commenting on Christina's new bangle bracelet

"Please, bite me first."
--Susan wants me to turn her into the undead

"You knew I wanted it--you might as well give it to me."
--Court-A-Pottie gets flirty

"Cayenne pepper and big ol' titties!"
--Matt G. watching "MANswers"

"Welcome to Lula's--how're your balls smelling?!"
--Chuck's new greeting

"Now, my balls smell like liquor."
--Weezie

It's still Friday, right?  Must be time for some Quotes of the Week:

"I wish someone would"
--what Matt K. said when I told him to go dance on his pole

"I just ate, like, 500 Tootsie Rolls today."
--Hillary brags about the weirdest things

"Where are you munching on Tootsie Rolls."
--Curious Billiam

"He was called a habitual runaway, and what that meant was he would run away a bunch of times."
--Patchouli Lou explains (in case you couldn't figure that one out for yourself)

"All I could understand was 'shark fin soup' and 'donkey meat.'"
--Hillary's conversation with her Chinese professor

"You humans are always so curious--always sticking your fingers in someone else's pie."
--some video game alien on "X-Play"

"Dude, I get messed up when I drink 12 beers and sex."
--Doorguy Steve

"As much as I like Barbados, I don't think they're snorkeling is that great."
--Susan's been hanging out with the rich folks too much

"So, what, they take an old cadaver and shove a piece of dynamite in it?"
--not sure what Brian S. was talking about, but I'm looking forward to Halloween

T-th-th-that's all, folks!

You know what I'm talkin' 'bout....Quotes of the Week:

"It's not even Carolina blue...it's electric, off-turquoise blue."
--Matt G. bitching about the Panthers uniforms

"He lived in a hat in Lidsville."
--Danny Love talking about Charles Nelson Riley

"Awwwww....."
--all the girls in the bar when I played the cute puppy video

"So, you're only charging me for three."
--Greedy hobbit bitch (I charged her for all five beers)

"There's nothing funny about marijuana."
--Olivia Munn

"He likes the smell of green."
--Papa Wallace on pets

"Bernie, you want to feel it?"
--Caroline (not Coraline) and her 9" sushi knife

"Unlubricated harmony."
--Court-A-Pottie's anagrammed name

"Your face is part of your body."
--anatomy lessons with Tom Miller

All for now...see you kids next week.

TGIF...QOTW:

"All of our orifices were burning."
--a story about nasty people and pepper sex

"TOOL.  Not the band, I'm just a tool."
--Corey's t-shirt

"Is that poop?"
--the stupid question the plumber always hears (courtesy of Brian and Susan...and the answer is always yes)

"So, I got a pig."
--odd pet moment with Head Tat Johnny

"titty fish"
--Dethlok lyric

"Any snake with a wig would freak me out."
--now we know what scares Courtney

"She didn't get a tattoo--she was trying to get her daughter's vagina pierced."
--another weird moment with Johnny

"That's the best shirt ever...I wish I could wear it to work."
--Coffee Shop Guy on my "How about a cup of shut the fuck up" shirt

"Usually, I don't like white people dreads."
--Matt

"Never trust a gift made out of someone's hair."
--Ballard on the stalker story (no, Ballard wasn't the stalker)

"We called a TOE truck."
--the punchline to TM's horrible Bazooka Joe-esque joke

"He's one of those guy's that around Riverfest gets dressed up like Cap'n Crunch."
--Bill on Stan

"I smelled the smell in Berkeley.'
--Kathy's back!

Well, if it's Friday and it's pouring rain, it must be time for me to drink coffee and post some Quotes of the Week:

"I mean, you put a prom dress on a pig, you still can't dance with it."
--misogynistic dude on "Hell's Kitchen"

"I left my wallet there last night--it's red with a cowboy on it."
--Curtis G. pranking me

"I think--don't quote me on that, but I think."
--Quoting Caroline

"I have dry balls--balls so dry, they explode like dust."
--Eric Cartman

"Pity the servant."
--Hillary's new catchphrase

"I'm not interested in the Age of Rocks, I'm interested in the Rock of Ages."
--Jimbo Suave on geology class

"You were in Penisland?"
--Adam

"Can I get two whiskey and bourbons?"
--girl who couldn't figure out what was wrong with her order

"She dresses like Magnum P.I."
--more Hillary (not sure who she was talking about)

"Does that monkey have feet hands?"
--random dude talking about monkey sex

All for now kids...let's have a great weekend.

really enjoyed this place! cant wait to come back!!