Grace Monet

About me:

Hi, Folks. Yep, those are two serious topics. Please see the "Mama's In Heaven" album in my photos. There are 20 slides in there from a slide show that I think are helpful to a teen who's experienced the death of someone close. Teen grief is an interest of mine because grief hit me and my family when I was a young teen. I know what it's like, have lived through it, and know it's not fun. I've got a book out about a lot of the things I learned from the experience. I've also got a moderated group on Yahoo for teens, "Teen Grief Is Different." I've got a blog, "Teen Drunk Driving Prevention," that started in March 2007. I'm a stepmom, and the blog targets teen hotshots who won't read the blog. Even if they won't, perhaps their friends and acquaintances will see it, and then be reminded not to ride with those who insist on mixing drinking with driving. I've got a good sense of humor, but there are a lot of other funny people on here who can do the great funny stuff better. ********************************************** The following is a one-page summary of both of my books. It's stuff that I wish someone had known to tell me and my family when our tragedy happened. It's what I've learned from life. Teen Grief Is Different Adults feel their grief immediately. Teens are unable to feel the intense emotional reactions until later in life. Because of that difference, teens can appear to adults as insensitive and have guilt for not feeling sufficiently miserable. Teens also automatically and unconsciously accept blame for whatever caused the family’s problem. Another automatic, unconscious reaction is the desire to fix what’s been broken. Because it’s usually not possible to fix that particular situation, the teen is likely to grow up with the unconscious need to find a broken situation to fix. That usually means being attracted to relationships that cannot work out. As soon as possible, family counseling is a good idea 1) To help the kids understand that the traumatic event is not their fault and find out why they might think it is, 2) To learn the difference between normal teen problems and problems that stem from the loss, and 3) to get a sense of the family’s new “normal.” Above are from the book, Mama’s In Heaven – But You Can Manage. Teen Grief’s Reactions Are Delayed Reactions from teen grief can be delayed for ten years or more. There’s no way to know when the reaction episodes will start. Once started they continue, now and then, over several years. It’s bad news, but it’s better to be prepared than surprised. The situation can be managed like a long-term health condition, and knowledge is power. Delayed reactions cause a lot of emotional work that is not fun. Each “now and then” episode brings a delayed painful reaction over a single issue that could not be experienced as a teen. Each episode lasts a few days and has an end point. Once experienced, each issue is resolved and doesn’t have to be repeated. The delayed reactions don’t mean you’re “crazy,” but that your mind and body have reached the point of maturity where the reactions can be processed. At first, the reactions can be confusing because they have no connection with your current life. At this stage, counseling is again a good tool for processing delayed reactions, because it gives structured support and teaches coping skills you otherwise wouldn’t learn. There’s no need to go it alone. It requires courage to face these episodes. The rewards are that happier memories are again available, and the success of the long-term experience creates personal strength, self-esteem and confidence. Above are from the book Teen Grief’s Delayed Reactions – Little Gracie’s Experience Copyright 2007, Grace Monêt