well it looks as if that sigh of relief was short lived. I took a pregnancy test and it was as positive as positive can be. I am sad, upset, confused, happy and pure angry at the same time. My brother and I are 18 months apart so my brother was 9 months when my mom got pregnant with me. Now I know how she felt when she found out. I was just begining to actually see my body again and now it will be over in a flash. I don't want anymore kids after this and ryan does.....maybe. I feel like a deer in headlights. People are saying congratulations to me and i am like yeah right! I have a 6 month old. it is like a nightmare has come true. they say god only gives you what you can handle. personally I feel as if I am the butt of his jokes. I have no idea what to say. everyone ELSE thinks i am lucky that I am getting it outta the way.....I am thinking ahead of time to when erin comes and I am big fat and pregnant and uncomfortable. What is a girl to do??? I say stay away from the dangerous penis forever. I am about to let my husband take a lover. SHE can get pregnant.......then I would kill her. I feel like a race horse that is constantly being bred. But at least that explains whay I am moody and why my period is gone.....I almost went looking for it. I want a pity party not a baby shower! I am gonna have to pretend for the rest of my life like I planned this and plaster a fake smile on my face.
ohhh I was looking up menstruation after pregnancy and found out that it is totally normal for your period to be off until your horomones and body adjusts. I was thanking my lucky stars because there has been contraception used since the baby. I know, I know.....nothing is 100% except saying no to the penis. So that has put me in a better mood for today...we'll see what happens later.
Man how early I am on here posting nonsense. Usually it takes boredom or time to get this bored. I feel terrible but my kid drives me bonkers. All she does is whine and cry but she is teething so I am trying to be understanding. In the meantime, I want to commit suicide. New Mommy How The Hell do You Cope Suicide. Sometimes I do not feel as if I am cut out to be a mom and then there are times when I am like .....life would suck without this little person who always smiles at me. Then I remember she will be a teenager and hate me for something I passed onto her genetically. it is a rollercoaster ride of emotions. let me add another tid bit of my support for suicide....my period is late and my baby is 6 months old.......need anymore evidence that this could suck???
