I'm sitting at Amber's house and she is now playing the piano...sounds like a song she's writing and every now and then she starts singing. Warmth in my heart rises up and it's one of the many things that causes me to fall in love with Jesus almost all over again.
For the past three-ish weeks I've just been falling in love with Jesus like never before. I wish I knew scripture off the top of my head so I could rattle some off about how incredible the Lover of my soul is. Alas, I cannot. He's opening my eyes and heart to new things as I read the Bible. I continuously get filled up with more and more of His Spirit. There are times where I feel it resting on me...it's like bubble wrap made out of cloth. Is that even possible? I doubt it is, but that makes it all the more great.
I wish to share this love and power that I know with all around me, but I'm finding that harder than I first thought it would be. I hold it in high hopes that God will touch those I know the way He's touched me, even more than I've known over these past few weeks.
Why did God set us free? So that we'd be free. Isn't that a beautiful concept?
I was really struggling this year, but God opened up, cleaned me out, set me free, and I've had so many breakthroughs...I know this coming year will be beyond what I can think or imagine. Even within my passion for filmmaking and my dreams thereof so many doors have begun to open, and I've found people who want to help me and who really truly believe in me in a way I had yet to experience. People going around and doing footwork, checking places out, formulating ideas, introducing me to people and possibilities. It astounds me and I can do nothing but give the credit and glory to Christ.
Thank You so much, Jesus!!! It's all about You and it's all for You!!
Two things I must mention on a slightly shallow level though: ->I have yet to come in contact with a digital camera and get a photo of myself up. I know this greatly saddens all who cannot see me in real life. *rolls eyes* Not a big deal, but know that I am trying to get one up, 'cause that's what you do on myspace, right? :) ->I missed the Bradley Hathaway deal up in Minneapolis, which greatly saddens me to no end. I was at church having hardcore Jesus time, so I'm hoping Mr. Hathaway won't mind. :) He loves his Jesus as well and so I think he'll understand. I'm sure it was grand all the way around, and I will be looking forward to his next trek up to the midwest.
That is all. I wish to go and discuss deep and meaningful things with Amber before I must leave to work. I sense that God may be giving me new job opportunity(s) soon, so please and please pray for me in that area. You are loved by me and Jesus!
I wrote this recently (sitting in a movie theater in fact), and for some insane reason I wish to post it here for all to read and comment on. Why I do this to myself I do not know.
"If I could make a film of visual poetry that allows the viewer to become part of a world that is both exciting and safe, both carefree and comfortable...that would truly be an accomplishment. But then, to do that repeatedly...to the point where the audience looks forward to the next film coming out with childlike anticipation, and still love the old films that they have watched over and over again, to the point where as they leave the theater they wish to watch one as soon as they get home...for the simple act of immersing themselves in a world that does not exist, but at the same time does...for me that would be the height of it all."
I moved a few words around, but that's pretty much it. I am currently in this state where I feel as though I need to run and fly free, but am trapped inside a cage where I can barely move my arms and legs. Of course this unhappy prison is of my own design and it by fear and choice that I remain inside. Still...I feel there is hope...though it may just be foolishness, there is still hope for me.
Could I explain? Could I for but a few moments speak the thoughts that wander freely in my mind? Would you be okay with that? That box is not for me. I don't not fit, nor would I want to fit. I'm sorry you do not understand me...it hurts me more than it hurts you...entirely. Could I just for a moment? By being like everyone else, I wouls become one-dimensional. By being like everyone else, the very essence of who I am would cease to exist and therefore I would die.
Have you ever had a passion for something rise up in you so strongly that you wish to rip off this mortal coil of flesh and bone, setting your spirit and soul free to fulfill its destiny given by the Father...and you can no longer think straight because it beats so strongly inside of you? Perhaps you feel 'blinded' to everything else arouns you because this passion engulfs you and refused to let go without a fight? Must you beat it back so you can comtinue on with everyday live, leaving it to sink back into the depths of your heart where it feeds and grows?
Yes, that happens to me. Almost daily now.
Do you judge me now? On what basis? How? Do you think differently of me after reading what could be either the spoutings of insanity or a detailed look within secret parts of me...or both? Do you understand, or are you more confused when you look me in the eyes than you were before? I'm sorry if I don't look you in the eyes back...I fear you will see everything inside of me, both the good and the bad.
Please pray for me. I feel as though I'm in a valley of some sort right now. It's quiet and peaceful, but I still find struggles.
After looking over a few more myspace profiles, I noticed that a lot of people have different blogs and journals that they post in, which must explain the vast nonwriting that occurs in this so-called blog.
Be that as it may, I also have a journal on livejournal.com, which seems to be a lesser known blog site or something. *shrugs* At any rate, I figured that I'd tack it up here in case anyone is just dying to know what's happening randomly in my life.
So I still have no picture to put up here. Apologies all around. I am not technologically advanced in the area of computers. Perhaps someday though...when I own my ranch with production house onsite and have all those grand things that make using the internet and making movies incredibly easy. Making movies...*drool and dream*
I'm so excited though, for two reasons. First, God is awesome and I love Him so much!!! Lots about that, so I won't really take the time for details. *happy dance* It's so grand though!!
Second thing is that I'm about halfway done with typing out my first completely official movie script, which means that I'm looking at roughly the beginning of August to start filming. It's so rad...I'm not even kidding!! Just thinking about starting to film something that I wrote and put together is almost beyond my comprehension at this point in time, but now that it's getting closer, I don't even know what to think half the time.
Guess I'm just excited all around right now. I hope everyone else's lives are rad as well. Take care all!
excited
discontent
amused
mellow
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