FELICIA WINS

the thing is, we spend too much time looking outside ourselves for what we really should be trying to find inside. but we can't seem to trust what we find in ourselves - maybe because that's where we find it. i suppose it's all a part of how we ignore who we really are. we're so quick to cut away pieces of ourselves to suit a particular relationship, a job, a circle of friends, incessantly editing who we are until we fit in. or we do it to someone else. we try to edit the people around us.

i don't know which is worse.

most people would say it's when we do it to someone else, but i don't think either one's a very healthy option.

why do we love ourselves so little? why are we suspect for trying to love ourselves, for being true to who and what we are rather than what someone else thinks we should be? we're so ready to betray ourselves, but we never call it that. we have all these other terms to describe it: fitting in. doing the right thing. getting along.

i'm not proposing a world solely ruled by rank self-interest; i know that there have to be some limits of politeness and compromise or all we'll have left is anarchy. and anyone who expects the entire world to adjust to them is obviously a little too full of their own self-importance.

but how can we expect others to respect or care for us if we don't respect and care for ourselves? and how come no one asks, "if you're so ready to betray yourself, why should i believe that you won't betray me as well?"

~my life as a bird ..



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