ZACHARY

About me:

• I'm this tall.


• I have all my hair. In fact I have TREMENDOUS hair. Whatever you think of my hair, I think more of it.


• I have a burning desire to know how it feels to be stood up by Siamese Twins


• I have that sense of humor thing that all the women's magazines say women want in a man (oh, he's hideous to look at, but he is HIL-arious).


• I don't have to worry about going bald. Tall, funny, great hair, kind, humble (the most humble); apparently the women's magazines are all lying.


• I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.


• I authored the 73-volume encyclopedia of "How to Finish College in More Than Six Years with Your Dignity Intact".


• I can prove my work on another sheet of paper, but won't.


• Strangers refer to me by name.


• I like saying trousers.


• My socks tend to have a private life of their own, which I do not bother them about.


• I used to think a garter snake was something dirtier.


• I cannot tie my shoes, but I can tie the laces that go with them.


• None of my beach towels have ever been to the beach - that I know of.


• I like to drive; it is much better than sitting in the car and not moving.


• When I was younger I received a metal ruler across the knuckles when I asked Sister Mary Carrita why she was referred to as, 'nun' and not 'vacant'.


• I sing 'Christmas' songs in summer.


• I don't subscribe to conspiracy theories...at least the popular theories.


• I have grammar issues, and stuff.


• I once saved a man's life, then thought less of it.


• I am an extravagant vocalist, if by 'extravagant' we agree to mean 'horrible'.


• I financed a small revolution that I let get away - long story short; I have a huge student loan bill.


• I have not been on a first date in nine years (not that I understand what a 'date' is).