About me:
you can call me alex. my real name is the only secret i have here.
some girls have been ana/mia for what seems like their whole life. though i have fought my weight for as long (or longer), I only turned to ana a mere year ago. I spent my high school days watching two of my best friends take ana's hand, and when one of them nearly died, i swore i would never take that road. but she didn't die. and now, she is beautiful, and thin, and my jealousy eats at me.
since then, both of my friends have (or at least are trying) to leave ana. I missed my chance to be with them and her at the same time, and now i cannot go to my friends when i need help with ana. nor can i go to my family.
ana in my life is a secret, and i could not feel more lonely for it.
it's terrible. i have NEVER had secrets from those who know me best. I have always had someone to turn to for help with ANYTHING in my life. i am thankful for that every day.
but i don't have that anymore, not for this.
I am severely overweight. it's sick and it's disgusting. i can't stand it. i look at myself in the mirror and i want to escape it. i want to drink, i want to down a whole bottle of pain pills,i want to puke my guts out, i want to grab the excess flab on my stomach and literally cut it all away...i want to die.
i want to be thin.
One of the first steps in aa is to admit that you are powerless and must be willing to turn to a higher power for help.
I am powerless. Ana, i need your help. and just like in aa, i need a support group to help me keep ana's presence strong in my heart. if you are pro ana, please help me!
ana is not always fun or comfortable or healthy. but it is so much better than the alternatives.
