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" i submit to you that if a man hasn't discovered something he will die for, he isn't fit to live. " ~ martin luther king jr.

"no individual has any right to come into the world and go out of it without leaving behind him distinct and legitimate reasons for having passed through it." ~ george washington carver

"a man whose only support is his conscience can never understand that a bad conscience may be healthier and stronger than a conscience which is deceived." ~ dietrich bonhoeffer ..

[insert tape]

i am a follower of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior.

i used to smoke cigarettes. i smoked for 10 years. those were 10 long, stupid years. God asked me to quit two years ago (2004). i asked Him to help. i told Him that i couldn't do it on my own. up until then i had thought about quitting several times, but never had the courage to admit that my previous attempts were failures, but rather explained them away as half-hearted, non-committed trial runs. up until then, i hated reading. i asked God for something more productive to occupy my mind in lieu of smoking. He granted me a thirst for knowledge through the written word, more importantly, His Word, and i've been smoke-free for almost two years come january. praise God!

i was once under the impression that chocolate milk came from brown cows. i was particularly disappointed at my parent's efforts to debunk this amazingly naive belief. upon the realization that chocolate milk is in fact brown because of the addition of chocolate and not the color of the cow's skin, i was quickly jaded by the whole farming thing and moved on to more noble pursuits, like tae kwon do'ing.

i used to be covered head-to-toe with piercings. well, minus the whole toe part. ok, admittedly, i only had six of them and they were all limited to my facial area, ya happy now? either way, God asked me to remove them. not because He hates piercings, but because He hated the sin which led me to get them. i believe a person can have piercings in totally clean conscience. i, however, could not. i had used them as an artificial barrier for far too long. i had attempted to keep people out and keep my security limited to my realm of responsibility. God wanted the chance to protect so that i could call Him my Protector. until then, i couldn't have, because i never allowed Him the chance. now, i can stand and smile and say, "God is my Protector," because i allowed Him to protect me. He told me, "you're cool enough the way I made you." i stopped worrying about being "cool" and just began trusting in the person God made me to be. no decorative flair to hide the insecure little boy i had allowed myself to grow in to, but now a man, naked before God both body and soul. i never felt more vulnerable. i never before felt so alive. i'm here now without all the piercings, not because i matured or because i grew out of them, but because God grew me out of my need for them and has matured me spiritually because of my trust in Him to provide my strength and comfort when the world around me seems out of my control. at the end of the day, it is. it's His control that holds it all together. thank God!

i was once told that scars are tattoos with better stories. unfortunately, my scars from most childhood mishaps have gone away and so have the stories. that leaves me pretty much scarless and tattooless and without good stories. i would make a pretty worthless motorcycle gang librarian as it turns out.

i used to work out incessantly. i would run upwards of about 50 miles a week. i was obsessed with the science of manipulating one's body. what started out as some warped experiment got even uglier when i got down to one hundred and twenty-six pounds. God asked me to let go. He told me that there is some value in beating your body into submission and i learned a lot about will-power and abstinence, but the trial had come to pass. i could not live like that because life was not meant to be lived like that. our Father has given me a way to balance a healthy lifestyle with a proper understanding of what being submissive to His will looks like. the work out routine required more structure than God was willing to acquiesce. spontaneity is good and God has shown me a great deal about seizing opportunities to make Him known rather than pursuing selfish pursuits. i still have much to learn about this, but God is faithful and i'm trying to be attentive. thank You Jesus!

[flip to side b]

i do not capitalize anything other than Jesus, God, Holy Spirit, Love, or any other name attached to the One who deserves all recognition. it was amazingly difficult to train my fingers and mind to negate the use of capital letters at first, but surprisingly, like most habits, it took pretty well after a little elbow grease. or brain grease in this case i guess.

i was once upon a time given the unique opportunity of buying a dead frog. being all but a mighty four feet tall and ignorant in my youthful naivity, i found it irrefusable. i purchased said frog unwittingly. i tried to teach him tricks, but soon realized the error of my zeal. my mom got the neighborhood bully to give me my (her) money back. that guy was a jerk. clever, but a jerk nonetheless.

i used to be scared of being left alone. i used to worry that no one would ever love me for who i was. i used to believe that love was contigent on my ability to bring something loveable to the table. God has been teaching me the foolishness of this thinking for a long time. it's been a hard lesson to digest. He has been showing me that i am loveable because He made me, not because of anything i've done. He's shown me that my value is found in Christ alone and apart from Him i have no hope of earning any recognition deserving reward, but rather only noticeable is my need for a swift butt-whooping. God is faithful to provide. He has provided me with a sense of worth, not because i was formerly worthless, but only because i sought my worth in places that only sought to destroy me. pride is an ugly thing and if only in its most unsightly manifestations convincing a young boy to believe he is unloveable. i am worth loving. God told me so. praise Christ!

i was once the champion of the "limbo" at the local skating rink. the key to my success? limberness? certainly not. i was limber, but no more than any other tae kwon do equipped ten year old. skill? not really, even though i had a certain penchant for the mathematics of said limbo...ing. height? there ya go. ranking in at a staggering four feet tall made the limbo somewhat less limbo....y. i could escape the deadly wrath of the bar merely be ducking underneath its theatening presence. i was a limbo machine. that sounds like a good song. no, that's dancing machine. oh well, i could probably shimmy up a pretty penny for a limbo machine had i the ambition to throw one together. someday cruel world, someday. prepare to meet your limbo maker!

i really, really love Jesus, more than you can ever imagine. but that's ok, don't beat yourself up over it. after all, you were never really that good at imagining things if i remember correctly.

i am in love twice over. my Savior. my bride.

[repeat]

[first things first]

Jesus saying, "where I am going, you cannot follow now, but you will follow later. do not let your hearts be troubled. trust in God; trust also in Me. in my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you and if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with Me that you also may be where I am. before long, the world will not see Me anymore, but you will see me. because I live, you also will live. that I am in my Father, and you are in Me, and I am in you." ~ jn 13:36, 14:1-3, 14:19-20 (combined)

[second things second]

it is also becoming increasingly clear to me that of all those who would have a monumental effect on my transient life, i have already met some of the most amazingly influential people this world may have to offer.

[thirds things aren't true]

i would also like to meet that guy who ate all the hot dogs and broke the world record, but one can only dream so much, right?

[fourth things a combination of the first and second things finding completion ephesians 1:10 style]

the pilgrims.

the mayflower compact:

"in the Name of God, Amen. we, whose names are underwritten, the loyal subjects of our dread sovereigne lord, king james, by the grace of God, of great britaine, france and ireland king, defender of the faith, etc. having undertaken, for the glory of God, and advancement of the Christian faith, and honour of our king and country, a voyage to plant the first colony in the northerne parts of virginia, doe by these presents solemnly and mutually in the presence of God and one of another, covenant and combine ourselves together into a civill body politick, for our better ordering and preservation, and furtherance of the ends aforesaid; and by virtue hereof to enacte, constitute, and frame such just and equall laws, ordinances, acts, constitutions and offices, from time to time, as shall be thought most meete and convenient for the generall good of the colonie unto which we promise all due submission and obedience. in witness whereof we have hereunder subscribed our names at cape-codd the 11. of November, in the year of the raigne of our sovereigne lord, king james, of england, france and ireland, the eighteenth, and of scotland the fiftie-fourth. Anno Dom. 1620.

John Carver . Edward Tilley . Degory Priest . William Bradford . John Tilley . Thomas Williams . Edward Winslow . Francis Cooke . Gilbert Winslow . William Brewster . Thomas Rogers . Edmund Margeson . Issac Allerton . Thomas Tinker . Peter Browne . Myles Standish . John Rigdale . Richard Britteridge . John Alden . Edward Fuller . George Soule . Samuel Fuller . John Turner . Richard Clarke . Christopher Martin . Francis Eaton . Richard Gardiner . William Mullins . James Chilton . John Allerton . William White . John Crackston . Thomas English . Richard Warren . John Billington . Edward Dotey . John Howland . Moses Fletcher . Edward Leister . Stephen Hopkins . John Goodman

these good men, their wives, and their children who settled here, in america, in the hope that people like myself would one day know my Lord, Jesus Christ!

". . . a great hope and inward zeal they had of laying some good foundation . . . for the propagating and advancing the Gospel of the Kingdom of Christ in those remote parts of the world; . . .though they should be but even as stepping-stones unto others for the performing of so great a work."

"thus out of small beginnings, greater things have been produced by His hand that made all things of nothing. . . as one small candle may light a thousand, so the light here kindled hath shone unto many, yea in some sort to our whole nation. we have noted these things so that you might see their worth and not negligently lose what your fathers have obtained with so much hardship"

God bless. may we never forget them and their like who gave that we should be blessed, and in so doing found blessing, eternal, immortal.