I really love sweets.
I guess that makes it one of my interests.
Well, in between everthing else, I love a good sweet snack,
a tastey morsel, to eat, or lick, or swallow.
While mindlessly drifting through my othewise brilliant life.
If you put powdered sugar on dog shit
I’d eat 3 of them.
In New York restaurants
they have all these fancy desserts.
(and they roll up this cart with all these gay desserts
and I don’t mean gay in a bad way
I mean gay in a “what the hell is that”
Sort of way)
And the dessert guy says “we have the pecan amour-propre custard monkey au gratin torte
and these delicious Mongolian baklava Bernoulli tiramisu Klotskies
and this fabulous sesame dipthong melon infused jazzberry papakash
could you just die”.
When the word monkey is the only one that you understand, then you’re in real big trouble.
“They call it monkey because you eat it with your hands, girl, its not really monkey”.
I like to have Hostess emblazoned across all my desserts
(and don’t call me girl).
I’m from Wisconsin.
And in Wisconsin we are known for our tremendous sweet tooth.
but you are not going to find anyone in Wisconsin pushing a dessert cart up to you... unless it was dessert cheese.
And I take one look at these carts (the ones in the NYC restaurants) and I say
What the hell is that?
Pecan almond custard au gratin flambe
Hey
I have a nut allergy
Are you trying to fuckin kill me
And when you look around at the people who order this
That shit is on Fire
That can’t be good for you
Then they have the Mongolian baklava tiramisu klotskies
Isn’t a tiramisu the wave that killed all those people in Sri Lanka
And what the hell is a klotzky
Sounds like a Polish medical crisis
And then they show me the final selection
Sesame melon infused jazzberry papakash
I have no idea what a papakash is
And even if I did I wouldn’t eat one
Music
I am into blues and EMO and Rock and mostly the songs I write about the things that have happened to me.
I find that because I have long hair I get mistaken for famous musicians alot.
Like, I’m in the grocery store and the stock kid comes up to me and goes
“Dude, no way! It’s you!”
Played here by Keanu Reeves
”Dude No way…
Ozark Mountain daredevils right?!… No, Molly Hatchett…. I got it… the Mommas and the Pappas!”
and I'm like, “No I’m just buying milk”
and he goes, “don’t tell me… I can get this
Greatest hits of the 70’s and 80’s
but totally rock, right…not disco”
and I'm like, “disco….no way”
and he goes, ”Dude, I totally knew it… Dude that’s so cool…!
Wo!
I gotta get an autograph
But I gotta stock some shelves now…later
meet me on produce!”
Movies
Yes, I like em... lots of em... mostly those we studied in film school.
Television
yes I have one, but I don't like to be exposed to the subsonic waves that the government emits through the sets to control our minds... I choose to resist
Books
I'm reading US v. Bush, Armed Madhouse, Stalking the wild Pendulum, Taking Up Runes, and the most recent issue of New Yorker.
Who I'd like to meet: Anyone who wants to buy the first round.
All my old friends who I don't see anymore.
Bill O'Reilly in a dark alley.
The Bear at a Luncheonette.
7 Monkeys in the fruit section of Whole Foods.
Any rightwing neo con nutcase in a debate.
Mick in a world championship dart match.
Schmall in the shower.
