He told me not to worry about being him or being me. That if I learned how to begin everything I do or say with love, to fill my heart with it, everything would look different. That it doesn't matter to be right.
Male
26 years old
ELK GROVE, CALIFORNIA
United States
I like pleasure spiked with pain and music is my aeroplane (echo base on my top 8). A few of my influences are: Radiohead, Elliott Smith, John Frusciante, The Used, The Eels, Blur, Muse, Chevelle, Christopher O'Riley, Placebo, Foo Fighters, Silverchair, Incubus, Ours, Rancid, Our Lady Peace, The Postal Service, Dredg, Brand New, Weezer, Grinderman, Rapider Than Horsepower, SOAD, Ultraspank, STP, Sublime, Flogging Molly, Les Reveres, Local H, Pearl Jam, Bob Marley, Motorhead, the Decemberists, Soundgarden, old Beastie Boys, Head Automatica, Ben Harper, Biggie, Bird, Diz, John Courage, The Bicycle Thief, Smashing Pumpkins, RATM, 30 Seconds to Mars, The Velvet Teen, Thrice, Blink-182, Probot, Sum 41, Thursday, Ozma, Fall Out Boy, The Roots of Orchis, Randit, The Secretions, local punk and hardcore, old school hip hop, good chiptune, Matisyahu, Al Green, Ray Charles, Simon and Garfunkel, the Beach Boys, Jefferson Airplane, the Kinks, Cab Calloway, James Brown, Robert Lockwood Jr., John Lee Hooker (old blues is the shit, btw.), Nirvana, The Beatles, Circle of Three, Jonny Diina, Ivette Fematt, Hulk Hogan, Joe Cartoon, Mitch Hedberg, Guinness, school (see also: Top Ramen), the English language, and playing with talented people like these:
Javier Alcantara of Jahalia.
Cole Armstrong of himself.
I mean, not really. But wouldn't it be cool to jam with Rollins?
Movies
I saw this one movie. I don't know. It was called "Fred," or something. Some guy's name. Worst fucking thing ever. It was Matt Damon (I think) and someone else. Basically, their car broke down in the desert. I think it was in Australia. So, the movie was just 2 hours of them walking around in the desert, trying to find their way out. That was it. Nothing happened. Shit, there wasn't even much dialog or background music. Just an exercise in how many different camera angles you can use to show sand.
Movies I like? Wow. So many. King of Hearts, Office Space, Shaun of the Dead (zombie movies in general), Memento, Snatch, The Big Lebowski, Zoolander, Blow Up (the Antonioni, not the porno), Napoleon Dynamite, Boondock Saints, Donnie Darko, American Beauty, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Garden State, Old School, Anchorman, Good Morning Vietnam, What Dreams May Come, Waiting, American History X, Finding Nemo, anything with John Cusack, anything with Bill Murray, anything by Kevin Smith, anything by Akira Kurosawa, anything by Mel Brooks, and pretty much everything else that doesn't suck.
Television
I don't watch much TV, but I like The Daily Show, Family Guy, Animaniacs, Venture Brothers, Arrested Development, Firefly, Futurama, South Park, House, Scrubs, Conan O'Brien and Craig Fergusen. I'd like to watch 24 and Lost, but they aren't the kind of shows that you can just catch the occasional episode. Adult Swim is pretty cool, too.
Books
I never have enough and I always have more than I can read. Ernest Hemingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Franz Kafka, Doug Rice, Bill Vollmann, Steve Church, Carol Maso, Robert Hamburger, E, James Joyce, Percival Everett, Susanna Kaysen, Jeannette Walls, Charles Dickens, Oscar Wilde, Lucien Agosta and Tanya Chernov.
Short stories by Edgar Allen Poe, Jorge Luis Borges, Julio Cortazar, Italo Calvino, Rikki Ducornet, Stephen Dixon, Robert Coover, Clarence Lispector, Michael Wilkerson, Daniel Grandbois, Robin Martin and the crazy/brilliant bunch who wrote this: http://www.dogswetanddry.com/.
Poetry by Sir Phillip Sidney, William Blake, Allen Ginsberg, William Wordsworth, Samuel Coleridge, John Keats, Robert Browning, Matthew Arnold, Christina Rossetti and Clive Matson.
Essays by Cardinal Newman and John Ruskin.
Comics by Stephan Pastis, Bill Watterson and Julia Wertz. I love comics. Often times, they speak more profoundly than novels.
About me: Gee, I knit. And I bake. That's like a -5 to manliness.
......
Anyang. My name is Gordon, but most people call me Gordon. My favorite color is clear. I'm probably the nicest person you'll ever meet. Bitch. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not sure. I don't need to worry about identity theft, because nobody wants to be me. I'm as smart as bait and as boring as whale shit. I spell "food" f-u-d. I want to try 40 new flavors of ice cream for lent. People either love me or hate me or think I'm ok. When I close my eyes, it's like I'm squishing the world. I like that sense of power. I was in the Boy Scouts just long enough to get the knife. I use it to open beer. I don't own many pictures of me because I own a mirror. I have the eyes of a hawk, the brain of a fox, and the feet of a gazelle in my freezer. I want to buy a goldfish and name him "El Macho Borracho." I want glow in the dark pjs. I know Kung Sucka Fu. I can kill a yak from 100 yards away with mind bullets. I made a hat out of a lobster and a stick. I think baseball should be shown in highlight form. God bless Sportscenter for making that sport tolerable. I worship Stan. Music makes me so hard (makes me say, "oh my lord.") As a young child, I found out that I wanted to play music when I saw PDQ Bach play the only piece ever written to be played on two pieces of uncooked manicotti. I told my dad I wanted to take up music, so he gave me a blunt instrument and told me to knock myself out. In case you're wondering, yes, Nigel Tufnel does rock. I play both kinds of music: country and western. I make great pasta. Actually, I'm just really good at boiling water. I don't want a large Farva. I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. I drink yellow juice. I thought I had mono once for an entire year, but I was just really bored. I rented a storage unit from Samuel L Jackson. I hump groupies. I'm starting to get hair in really weird places. I feel like I'm turning into Sasquatch. I love mankind. It's people I can't stand. I honestly do like everyone. Except redheads, librarians, and redheaded librarians. If I was a Pokemon, I'd be Coo Coo Ka Choo. I'd never join a club that would accept me. I can dere-lick my own balls, thank you very much. I'm a practicing nerdist. There are dozens of us. I try to live each day as if it's my last, so I usually just lie in bed slipping in and out of consciousness. I like fucking with people. It's nothing personal. I just don't like you. Actually, I'll only make fun of you if you're a good friend or at least I know you're not going to stab me for it. My girlfriend bought me a down jacket because she said it fit my personality. Just kidding. I don't have a girlfriend. I just know someone who would get really mad if she heard me say that. My AIM is: musicandgum. I can say Elway in Pig Latin. I wish I had a gong. That way, I could come home after a hard day's work and hit the gong. I voted for Gary Coleman because he cares about the little people. I think I have A.D... ooo, look. A shiny object. I like to tell people to "have a Great Dane," because dogs need love too. I'm not a dog person, because then I'd be all furry and shit. Peter Gibbons is my hero. Sting would be another person who is a hero. The music that he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that. In a nutshell: Don't like hash. Don't like rap. Kicked Joanna cause she's fat. I'm a jerk. I'm a punk. Took a shower cause I stunk. Smoked a bong. Killed a cat. Had my nuts attacked by rats. Dad got nude. I wore a thong. For a hobby I make bombs.
Oh, right. Aren't I supposed to put something like this in this section?
What NBC "The Office" character are you?
Your Result: Jim Halpert
You are the kind of person that everyone likes. You are funny, laid back, and not bad looking. You love practical jokes and having a fun time with your friends. However, because you are so laid back you often let the things that are most important to you get away.
I miss Dwight. Congratulations Universe, you win.
Who I'd like to meet:
[Interviewer] "...you guys are nice."
[Colin Greenwood] "Haah, 'Nice.' What a damning word in the wrong hands, though — like a girl's hands, you know — the moment a she says a guy's nice, you know you're fucked — you're not fucked. Anyway, sorry."
Oh yea! I was able to find and down load king of hearts....buuuuuut it was screwed up. And that was the only one that would download of the few I found.
ummm, by the way, who said your "headline"? it's really, simply, one of the most beautiful things i've ever read. i keep forgetting to ask ya. my husband loved it too, when i read it to him. we must know!
oh man, you just tore the roof off of my LIFE. i can't top that. you know, i have a george clinton album called "hey man, smell my finger". true. for reals, yo.
snickerdoodles. :) just because i really like that word. but well, if i were to actually eat the cookies, they would need to have peanut butter and chocolate. :)
ok, so... this is a real insurance company in my area of town... the commercials are outrageous. this is probably the grossest one... just wanted to make ya gag a little...
i was totally lying, by the way. not about the drunk part, or the purse part, or even the blowing nose part, but basically everything else. ok, so i was only lying when i said i may have gotten his number. but then again, i was drunk... wait. no. no... it couldn't have happened... unless dane cook came to my house last night... which i'm pretty positive was NOT the case. so yeah... i lied. but i'm still gonna go watch him on t.v. anyway. :)
i can't remember how that happened... i think i was drunk... and i would get you an autograph, but i don't remember if i got his number, and if i did, i lost it. so... you know. ;) you want dane cook's autograph? why? :) i mean, his ass is nice, and he's funny, but i don't know what i would do with a piece of paper with his signature on it besides eventually use it as a last resort to blow keller's nose when i realize i've got nothing else in my purse. if i carried it in my purse, which is probable, since that's where everything else i ever come into contact with goes, as long as it fits there.... ramble, ramble, ramble... i'm gonna go watch dane cook be a dork on t.v. now, cause ... well... that's what's on.
Don't know if we said bye today or if we took pics with you...but you have to sit with me and Rocky at graduation and take some pics!! (If you want...I'm not gonna force you!)
