DJ COLDHEART

About me:

..

All and none of the following is true:

Some people call me the space cowboy, some people call me the gangster of love. Nobody, but nobody calls me Maurice.

I live in the shady ground between contradictions; I am a people person but am also a misanthrope waiting for humanity's comeuppance; I have excellent rifle marksmanship and can apply eyeliner on myself; I love incense but can't stand hippies.

Other people have called me well-versed, even-keeled (excepting my bouts of exaggerated gesticulation), frolicsome, imperturbable, cartoonish, and sick. I tend to be the nicest person people have known. Little do they know. That I can be even nicer. Like fluffy bunnies. Stuffed inside of fluffy sheep rolled in sacchrine and dipped in pink glaze. With a pretty bow on top.

I can be sympathetic, empathetic, but mostly just pathetic. The truth is always stranger than fiction, therefore I always strive for the truth. I used to find and collect four-leaf clovers as a child. I have zero cavities and have all my wisdom teeth. I've known a clown personally, and yes, he was an alcoholic. I am a vegan because animals are my friends and I don't eat my friends. However, I am compiling recipes on how to prepare delicious home-cooked meals out of my enemies.

I love art and media that is high-brow, low-brow, and especially uni-brow. I find humor in nonsensical health and safety warnings. I entertain myself by making sound-effects with my mouth. To make best use of my genetic attribute of German efficiency, I am part of the problem AND part of the solution, thus effectively cancelling myself out.

I am an advocate for arming the homeless, home surgeries, and out-sourcing the presidency. I put my money where my mouth is, much to the chagrin of retail clerks everywhere. I love bad weather.