GeneralI've traveled the world and have developed many interests and passions. In Tibet, I lived in complete solitude. There, I meditated and developed a masturful masturbating technique. Before I moved on I was rewarded with the Holy Grail of porn "The Complete works of Jenna Jameson."
During my travels, I noticed that there are many poor countries. Believe it or not, frilly, lacy panties and thongs are not available to these people. I brought this to the attention of Bono and he has helped me raise money to supply third world nations with frilly, lacy panties. This summer, we're going to do a worldwide concert to raise money for fish net stockings and feathered boas.
Besides traveling, I also like to read. The last few things I've read inspired me to moonlight as a pizza delivery boy. Dear Penthouse Forum, Thank You.
MusicIt depends on my mood. If I want to make love, I'll put on something soulful and sensual like Barry White or Barry O. If it's make up sex, I like to put on something that drowns out the sound of me slapping someone's ass, like Metallica or Iron Maiden. If it's a one-night stand and I don't want them to sleep over, I'll play something irritating like Celine Dion or that crappy album that Eddie Murphy made in the 80's.
MoviesEver since PG-13 rated movies were invented, there has been a serious lack of gratuitous nudity. Remember the good old days when you might see a boob or ass cheek even in a PG movie? Those were classics.
TelevisionSpanish Soap Operas on Telemundo. Those women are not afraid of silicon.
BooksMen are from Venus, Women Have Boobs. An idiot's Guide to G-spots. The Naughty Nanny Diaries.
HeroesHugh Hephner before he went senile. The prodcuer who discovered Jenna jameson. Caligula. The seamstress who sewed the first Catholic School Girl skirt. The first person to look at an Oyster and say, " I'll eat that."
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Many moons ago, I traveled to a distant land to learn the secrets of seduction. I'm the Gandhi from Behindi, the Dali Licky Lama. I am The Samurai Love God. I have chosen now to spread my secrets to you. Why? Because in this day and age, every man, woman and tranny should know the difference between a Rusty Trombone and a Dirty Sanchez. If you don't, someone could end up with an unwanted shitstache.
But that's not the only reason. There are people out there, sinister people, who want nothing more than to buzz kill your chances of getting laid. Together, we can stop the likes of Pussy Whip, Cock Block and The Clap. Together, we can make this a society where body fluids are swapped freely and openly. Where love juices flow like the smell of bearded clams in low tide.
I'm here for you. For anyone who has ever been slapped silly for suggesting a threesome. I stand up for the little guy, who doesn't feel adequate enough to ask Sun Li Lau for a Happy Ending. I represent the Frat boys, truck drivers, Dungeon and Dragon players, mid-life crisis dudes and anyone else who hasn't gotten laid in awhile. Because you will, horny grasshoppers. You will!
Who I'd like to meet:
An Amputee Fluffer. The person who came up with the term 'Bukakee.' Susan Johansen. Chelsea Clinton's real father. Mary Cherry Poppins. The brave woman who got the first Brazillian bikini wax. Mona Groana Lisa. Desperate Housewives. Heidi the Butterchurner. The other guy from Bossom Buddies.
- Status: Swinger
- Here for: Dating, Friends
- Hometown: The Mojo Dojo
- Orientation: Straight
- Body type: 5' 11" / More to love!
- Zodiac Sign: Aquarius
- Occupation: Sensei of Sensuality
- New York, NY US