I'm a big sarcastic asshole with an even bigger ego, and I could give a fuck less.
If I hurt your feelings: Kill yourself.
If you can't handle sarcasm: Kill yourself.
If you're just an overall pussy in life: Kill yourself.
I'm allergic to bullshit, do not bring it my way.
I am not your diary; I do not care.
I am not your chauffeur: RideTARC.org
I am not your drug connect, unless you buy some for me too.
Help is for the weak.
If you still want to be my friend, you must be fucking stupid.
But I won't stop you; I love having new joke material.