NatEr

About me:

Hey hey hey! Names Nate. Well... I'm SOBER!! If you know me then you will find that statement to be very shocking. It's true. I have 9 months of clean time with me. I'm VERRYY interested in starting and maintaining a new life for myself. I spent sooo much time checked out on life that I never really lived it, at all. I want to do and experience pretty much everything under the sun. Except for the obvious... it seriously does take you NOWHERE. It's not worth throwing everything away... cuz one day if your lucky to work for what you lost, you will fully understand what i'm writing...Don't fuck with it. Phew.., now that i got that out.... Well where to start? I moved out of my mother house in november, into a beautiful apartment. Working full time. Going to meetings, knowing that's giving me NatEr back. Pretty much living life as it comes! Oh... I got baptised... again. I highly recommend it! I just feel better with myself and my surroundings. Wow... Sometimes, though, life without my crutches can be very difficult, indeed. I feel like crying a lot, throwing things, yelling at people or simply laying in bed until the sun comes up. This new life is still very confusing. You would assume that simply not using drugs would set you straight. Sort of... pick up where you left off. No, sadly that is far from the case. I have a hard time explaining the things that I lost while I was under submission. In a blog I wrote about a fresh, new coma. The closes analogy I can come up with is "It's like when you were little, and you believed that everything was possible within the realms of your imagination. Like, that spiritual drive that was the undertone for your creativity and pure...well, love. The light! Some would call it. It feels like that spiritual embodiment has been snuffed out. Sacrificed, unattainable and strictly restricted from the wicked". Spiritual gifts that truly define you, are purged. Not enough room! Anyway, thats the closes I could come up with. Think about that... IT'S SOOOO NOT WORTH IT. Getting that back is a long road of faith, time and trust. Essentially... a rebirth within the same life.