I enjoy being in the woods. Sitting on rocks taking in the beauty of where I live. Crying in the middle of the brook. Waterfalls. Bonfires. Storms. Floods. Abandoned or old waterworks like dams and spillways and such. The unknown. Stretching my beliefs, expanding my mind, expanding, dissolving, coalescing, and reforming my person, evolving into a better being (by MY OWN standards). I'm into music, art (mainly sculpture), photography, hiking, axe throwing, weight lifting, disc golf, outdoor parties, wrestling, bonfires, and living my existence to the fullest degree possible just because I can! I love nature, and I mostly loathe humanity. I know I am one of the few lucky ones who still lives a life of truth in nature, and I can see beauty in the natural world. It should not be taken for granted. Humanity is a blight, and this world is beauty we waste at best and destroy in mass. This beauty is my heart, my soul, and my existence.
The forest is my altar
my soul gives to this stone
fallen leaves like tears
scattered on the mossy floor
winds cry through the birches
the spirit ever flows
through this holy pathway
this is where I belong
I'm interested in meeting people who will take me as I am. Fuck the rest of you. Seriously, fuck off. I'm not perfect, but look in the fucking mirror occasionally.
A NOTE TO THOSE SENDING A FRIEND REQUEST. *USE* THE BOX MYSPACE PROVIDES TO SEND A SHORT MESSAGE WITH YOUR REQUEST TELLING ME WHY YOU WANT TO BE ADDED, OR WHERE I HAVE MET YOU (IF I KNOW YOU FROM ELSEWHERE). I DO *NOT* ADD PEOPLE WITH PRIVATE PROFILES. IF YOU WISH TO BEFRIEND ME, MAKE YOUR PROFILE PUBLIC. I SHOULD BE ABLE TO MAKE A GENERAL CONCLUSION ON WHO YOU ARE BASED ON YOUR PROFILE. IF IT CONTAINS ONLY 5 LINES OF TEXT (OR LESS), OR HAS TOO MANY IMAGES AND APPLICATIONS, YOU WILL *NOT* BE ADDED. CONTENT IS IMPORTANT, BUSY, FLASHY, SHALLOW PEOPLE ANNOY THE FUCK OUT OF ME. IF YOU ARE ONE, JUST DON'T BOTHER REQUESTING ME.
Darkness follows me, like my lithesome shadow, haunting the corner of my eye with its taunting presence, always a part of me, yet never fully one. Under the apex of the sun, are we one, or are we utterly apart? When the clouds part and the brilliance of the full moon is cast down upon me, and I reach out with one milky white moonlit arm towards you tonight, I shall consider the contrast of my flesh against the darkness of my moonshadow, and long of you.
How many times must I set aside
who I am for the sake of delicate sensibilities?
Who are they to look at me thusly
when they can't even look openly at themselves?
Why do you judge me as if I am
subject to your close minded ideas of morality?
Where do I turn when the world
has shunned me because I see things differently?
The scars I bear matter not in my search for truth. For no matter how many scars I bear, I will never know enough suffering to encompass even a fraction of that which exists. The tears I shed all fall in vain without knowledge behind them. I cry out to the vast, and I seek the truth, but my voice echos in the emptiness of the unknown. What is this pain in my heart that inspires me to know, to be, to manifest truth?
About me... I am a poet, a romantic. Subject to extremes. I am passionate, in love and hate. I can be obscene at times, my mind rarely leaves the gutter, full of filth, sarcasm, and cynicism. At first approach, I typically drive away most people, just by being myself. I live at the far end of extremes, never satisfied. Sharp-tongued. Offensive to traditional sensibilities, most of which I loathe deeply. Unsure and emotionally fragile (stupid female brain, I loathe you!) - I put up an towering and mighty facade that nothing bothers me - FUCK YOU ALL, DIE! I follow varying paths of enlightenment, I have a passionate contempt for the knowledge, heritage, and old ways lost because of the catholic church and their tyranny! (Don't get me started!) I put a great deal of faith in nature and it's elemental powers. I consider myself an Animist first, from there I float towards crazy ideas about the Book of Enoch. My cat means more to me than any human on earth. I mean that with 100% conviction. Fuck with my cat, I'll kill you. Fuck with any helpless animal cruelly and I'll kill you, come to think of it. I think being peeled to death with a vegetable peeler would be too kind a fate for an animal abuser. I have a strong sense of honor and integrity, however, it is rare that I find any HUMAN worthy of my respect and therefor these values go for the most part unnoticed and unseen. This trait differs GREATLY from the "fuck everyone, I'm out for myself only" ideology of most Satanists, in that I value my karmic scale, my integrity to those I respect, and my honor. I would protect my close friends at all costs, and it wouldn't be difficult, seeing as I only have 4-5 of them. Everyone else, this pathetic and sickening mass of humanity, I would just as soon see dead, and I wouldn't mind it being by my own hand, at least in part. I do believe that SOMETHING exists beyond what we can understand. I am not sure what it is or what to call it. To suggest that I do know would be very egotistical and go against my beliefs. The truth as I know it is, I don't know.
In my free time, I love reading books. I love music, deeply, it is like breathing for me, life without it would be unbearable. I love being out in nature, going on hikes, swimming, and horseback riding. I love my cats. I miss my horse, I'll have another horse someday, but I can't afford it right now. I have a passion for throwing axes. I also play disc golf. I lift weights, I run, and I hike - as much as I can find a partner to do so with me. I'm not a vegetarian. I try to eat healthy, but I ENJOY a nice slab of bloody red meat sometimes. It doesn't bother me if you disagree with my ethics on the matter, if it offends you, and you're hanging with me, just say so, and I'll not do it in front of you. I work in the meat department at the grocery store. I actually like the work. It's simple, I work with two older men, it's not social, it's not hard, it's not slow, it's just WORK, good, honest work. People, in general, often even my friends, stress me out and annoy me. Stupid capitalist society and rushed people living shallow existences! ...Enough about me! Want to know more? ASK.
When my final days arrive
I will ride out into the vast
through the holy wooded corridor
of earth, wind, and spirit
upon my white stallion of truth
leading the black mare of intrigue
And when I find my place of rest
from my beast I shall remove
all traces of mankind and earthy binds
and he shall be freed with intrigue
to meet his fate without my weight
not bound into servitude under man
And in this ritual, I hope to find
answers to long asked inquiries
as I cast away the binds I created
against those who should remain free
will I finally see the truth
through my own hypocrisy, humanity?
if in my final gesture
should truth be mine to see
free me from this earthly fate
may I not relive another lifetime
give me peace from this cruel place
to which I have long been cast
And if I am not worthy
earthly lessons left unlearned
then I ask in humbled grace
that you cast me back down into hell
to another earthly life of misery
until I have gained insight
For truth should only come
to those who have found it justly
and if I be not of justice
and learned of truth honestly
then give me not a simple fate
but cast me into a life of strife
through a million earthly lives
imprisoned in human ignorance
I will fight my way towards this end
to find my way back to that which I am
to live in honor again
within the halls of truth
Anything above this line ^ is mine.
I wrote it. Don't even think about stealing it.
If you quote any of it, quote it with credits attached!
Phaewryn
A NOTE TO READ BEFORE YOU LEAVE A COMMENT ON MY PROFILE:
Please note that when you leave a comment, it automatically creates a link to your profile, along with a picture of your choice. Therefor, it is unnecessary to create a link in your comment. I have disabled HTML in my profile comments. I do not wish to see your banner, your stupid flashy bullshit images, or anything else cluttering up MY SPACE. Get it? MY SPACE. This one is mine, yours is yours, leave your shit on yours, not on mine. If you write HTML in your comment, it comes up as code on my profile. This annoys me. SO, just say something worthwhile, and if you have nothing worthwhile to say, then don't comment at all. Note that thanking me IS worthwhile. USING MY PROFILE AS YOUR FUCKING BILLBOARD IS NOT.
The reason I haven't said much about Head Of the Traitor [www.myspace.com/headofthetraitor] (HOTT) is due to the fact that I'm still trying out for the band. The show was part of my audition. It was the 29th at Higher Ground and it went well from what I hear. It could have been worse, I suppose, since it was my first show. The genre is a mixture of different kinds of metal. Go to their myspace, there's a clip with their old singer to get an idea.
OK just did it. But holy shit the myspace player sucks. Adds all kinds of hiss that is not in the actual recording. It Must re-encode at something like 96k. Wow, if anyone wants the original just let me know. Myspace player is garbage.
I finally have a picture of my latest tattoo. It is not yet complete, I still have to get it filled in, but for the moment being, I think it looks pretty awesome! Please leave a comment and tell me what you think!
Thanks! But uh... To which album do you refer? I'm presently assuming you're referring to the first album; the one I sent you. I'm currently planning #3...
I haven't sent you a text message and made any contact with you due to the fact that my phone had been messing up for the past couple of weeks.
I plan on getting a new phone between now and the start of September. When I get my new phone, I will send you a text message, so you will know my number...
Anyway, I hope all is well. Hope to hear from you...
I am getting double labrets done tomorrow, well today since its 1:44 AM, but I am sure I can find ten dollars for you.
As for me making you lunch, I would love to, yet I don't really know how to cook much, the best I could do would be a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I would however take you out to lunch if I had the money.
I am not working yet, I am actually frowning upon the job at Subway because my girlfriend works there and I don't want to get irritated with her or have her get irritated with me. So, I hope I get the job at RJ's. I am hoping to stock so I don't have to deal with people too much.
Actually, I am quite busy this week, though Friday is open.
I do not have access to a black sheet. I actually wanted to be in nature, though I am not sure where, I can picture some place with plenty of natural surroundings, like a forest or a very wooded area. I want to have corpse paint on as well. As you can tell, I cannot apply it well. I am right handed and my right hand tends to shake and it looks terrible.
But, it sounds good to me, just let me know how Friday looks for you.
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