To the people who missed me at the Arundel Mills signing
First of all, if you showed up after I left the signing, I am really sorry. The fact that I missed a bunch of my fans is really shitty, and I did not do it on purpose. Let me explain what happened:
For every signing I've ever done, I get to the bookstore about 15 minutes early, I usually sit in the back with the managers and sign some stock for them to put out after I leave, and then I start the signing right at the time I say it will start. Usually by the starting time there are dozens, if not hundreds of people already in line. I sign books for however long it takes to get through the line, and then when the line runs out, that means the signing is over. Obviously if there is no one else there who wants their book signed, I am done.
Today, shit was fucked up from the start. I got to the signing at Books-A-Million at Arundel Mills early, at like 1:30. The signing was supposed to start at 2pm, but the bookstore was completely disorganized. Instead of taking me to the back to sign stock or having me wait until 2pm, they just had me sit down immediately and start signing. I didn't object to this because there were already like 80 people in line, so I figured, why make them wait?
Well, I am pretty quick at signings, and I got through the whole like by 2:05. I asked the idiot manager--who to that point had done nothing but stand three feet away from me and talk to some fucking weirdo about kooky conspiracy theories the entire signing annoying the shit out of me--if he wanted me to sign some stock.
Manager "Sure, I guess. Is that what you normally do?"
Manager "OK, let's do that."
He just stood there looking at me.
Tucker "Uh...ok. How many do you want me to sign?"
Manager [confused, dumb look on his face] "I have no idea."
So I signed like 20 books, and a few more people straggled in and I signed for them, and by the time I was done it was 2:15. There was no one else there to have a book signed.
Tucker "Do you need me to sign anything else?"
Manager "No, I guess that's it."
Tucker "OK, does that mean we're done? If we're done, I am going to go."
Since I said the signing would start at 2pm, I thought everyone who was going to come had come. It didn't occur to me that more people were going to show up late. Had I stopped and thought about it, it would have made perfect sense, and I would have waited at least until 2:30 to make sure, but I was intensely hung over this morning from a hard night of partying in DC last night, and so I just wasn't thinking. For every other signing I've done, when the line ends, the signing is over.
Well, apparently a LOT of people showed up after I left. I don't know how many, but it was at least dozens, because that's how many emails I've gotten asking where the fuck I was.
First off If you showed up to the signing and I was gone, I am really sorry. I had no intention of dissing any of my fans, I would never bolt a place early on purpose, I honestly just thought we were done.
But here's what really fucking pissed me off: I have heard from several fans that the fucking assholes working at Books-A-Million put all the blame ON ME, and told people I was supposed to stay an hour but demanded to leave!!
Fuck those fucking incompetent, lying assholes.
I have done dozens of signings at bookstores around the country, and NEVER has anyone who worked at any book store ever had anything but the very best things to say about me as an author. I will sign anything, take any picture, stay as long as there are fans there, I talk to people--I do everything you could ever expect from an author. For those fucking pricks to act like I left for ANY reason other than I thought we were done is fucking bullshit. I will never do a signing at a Book-A-Million again. Fuck them.
But the most important thing: I want to sincerely apologize to everyone who showed up to find me gone. I may be an asshole, but I would NEVER be a dick to fans on purpose, and yes I should have waited until 2:30, but I honestly thought we were done. My bad, and if there is any way I can reasonably make it up to you, let me know.