MySpace a place for friends

• Won the high jump at the Wheelchair Olympics.
• Successfully lobbied for March 14 to be a statutary holiday honouring Pi.
• Invented the edible tampon.
• Challenged the sun in a hot contest and won.
• Discovered that 92% of all people think they are not a statistic.
• Helped proliferate global plague by driving monkey to the airport.
• Ran for Student President in high school with political party "The Dis-bandits". Won by landslide, then promptly disbanded Student Council and office of Student President.
• Wrote personal, hand-written letter to CEO of Starbucks, thanking them for building a drive-through Starbucks across the street from an already existing Starbucks, beside a strip mall with another Starbucks, a Safeway and Barnes & Noble with a Starbucks inside. Before then, it was hard to find coffee in my town.
• Invaded middle eastern country for no particular reason; installed Democracy.
• Created unique and original "man-themed" magazine featuring stunning, groundbreaking and revolutionary content like pictures of attractive women and raunchy articles about sports and beer. No one had ever thought of anything like that before.
• Three words: home made napalm.
• Wrote doctorate thesis on molecular biology of quantum astro-photons.
• Developed acute and voracious appetite for the cheesiest, most unappealing 80s music in the world.
• Once threatened suicide jumper with machete: "Don't jump or I'll kill you!" He jumped anyway, so as a matter of principle I went and hacked up the body.
• Did things average people don't underst
• Taunted happy fun ball.
• Constructed little colored lights that magically control people's minds when they're driving. Strategically placed them all over the roads.
• Appeased elder gods by sacrificing virgin met through social networking website.
• Perfected the art of origami boulder making.
• Violated Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle (unless I didn't).
• Gave Chuck Norris a well-timed roundhouse kick to the face.
• Inadvertently invented German language by attempting to spit, sing and gargle at the same time.
• Zero-gravity juggling champion.
• Holder of US Patent no.7126839: The intellectual rights to all current and future technology heretofore existing pertaining, in likeness or appearance, to the "Shut the Fuck Up, Dumbass" device, which allows computer users, via the internet, to reach through their screens and physically smack anyone else upside the head.
• Coined Porn's Law, which states: "The number of girls aged 18-30 who have posed nude on the internet doubles every 18 months."
• Converted DVD burner into toaster. Now it can burn illegal toast.
• Part-owner of Pedophilia's, the popular chain of child-operated and serviced brothels.
• Jack Russell Burier.
• Was uncool before uncool was cool.
• Messed with Texas.
• Replaced by robot.
• Visited Greyskull, have power.
• Orator of the mythology of the Albuquerque, the Phoenix's lesser known younger brother whom, as legend has it, drowns himself in a puddle every 500 years and rises again from the steam.
• Replaced all stop signs in my home town with giant Playboy centerfold posters. Traffic accidents subsequently dropped to 0.
• Helped demolition squad implode a building. As a result, a butterfly in China died.
• Discoverer of new psychological disorder called Personality Disavowment Disorder, or PDD. One of its leading symptoms is obstinate denial that one has it.
• Certified Second Aid.
• Wrote award-winning short story about a race of grumpy-old-man aliens who come to earth, wipe out all the telecommunications equipment, and then leave.
• Proposed radical new system of justice whereby all laws are punishable by "trial by combat". So if you get caught with drugs, you have to fight a rabid ostrich for your freedom. Murder? The Robotron 9000. Child Molester? You have to fight a 100 foot deep spike pit. You win if you die first.
• Put googly eyes on vacuum cleaner, so that when I clean the house it goes "OM NOM NOM NOM."

A NOTE ON FRIEND REQUESTS
I'm not a friend-collecting social whore, so I'm not accepting everyone. Generally, there is one criteria you must pass for acceptance. That criteria is:

1) Your Myspace must not look like total fucking ass.

That's it. One request. If your profile is clear, legible, easy to navigate and engages me to want to get to know you better, welcome. If, on the other hand, your profile looks like a retarded pre-schooler scribbled crayon all over the computer screen with his left hand while eating a donut with his right, and it's mired with any basic design gaffs like crappy fonts, inane colorful backgrounds that blind the text, big-ass pictures that wreck the horizontal scroll, multiple embedded movie and audio clips, gaudy table backgrounds and borders, HTML idiocies and stupid CSS tricks like transparencies that wreck your profile to the point where it's not only unintelligible but also so fucking horribly drenched in stupid that it would cause a small group of orphans to die of despair at the mere sight of it......I don't got time for that shit. It doesn't increase my enthusiasm to want to get to know someone when I can't even read their fucking profile. Get a brain or pick up a web design textbook. Either one precludes the other.

I'm also not adding bands or musicians anymore. All you people do is spam me.