A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood-curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there?" he yells. "You're scaring my customers!" "I'm just sitting here on the toilet," slurs the drunk, "and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my private parts." The bartender opens the door, looks in, and says, "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"
ghost car A man stood on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm. The night was rolling and no cars passed. The storm was so strong, he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car come towards him and stop.
The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door to realize that nobody was behind the wheel. The car started slowly. The guy looked at the road and saw a curve coming his way.
Scared, he started praying, and begged for his life. He hadn't come out of shock, when just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and moved the wheel. The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared every time before a curve.
The guy gathered strength, got out of the car and ran to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he ran into a cantina and asked for two shots of tequila, and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he went through. A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy was crying and wasn't drunk.
About half an hour later, two guys walked into the same cantina, and one said to the other. "Look, that's the character who climbed into the car while we were pushing!"
************Inspirational*******************
The following is supposedly an actual question given on an exam at a Univerisity. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues via the internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well. Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic ( gives off heat ) or endothermic (absorbs heat ) ? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law ( gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed ) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time, So we need to know the rate at which the souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave, Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today, Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we project that all souls are going to Hell. With the birth and death rates as they are, we can expect that number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. this gives two possibilities: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate then the rate at which souls enter Hell, then temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postuate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then the number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of the divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting " Oh My God." THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONEY "A"
Cracked Pot
An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck.
One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.
For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water.
Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.
After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream.
"I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house."
The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?"
"That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them."
"For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house."
Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.
You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.
SO, to all of my cracked pot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!
Comments
Jul 26 2009 7:29 PM
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Jul 4 2009 10:30 PM
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Jun 30 2009 3:44 PM
Jun 19 2009 5:50 AM
It is important to take a bit of time each day to focus on beauty...
Nature has provided us with much of it...
Such as the colorful butterflies that glide about the earth...
*Hoping your week end has a bit of peace and love within~
Thanks for your friendship--brings joy to my heart~
Jun 14 2009 9:10 PM
Jun 12 2009 7:01 PM
I am speaking from personal experience here. I can tell you that positive change is possible, and that you can break out of those seemingly unending loops. Just keep trying, and eventually when the timing is right, you will make that change that you desire.
I hope that you have a great weekend, and a great loop-free week.
Jun 6 2009 3:31 PM
Now one of the first times that I climbed in this tree I made the mistake of climbing really high in the tree, hanging from one of the limbs, and then looking down. BIG MISTAKE!! I was frozen with fear. I gripped the tree limb so tight that my knuckles turned white. My best friend saw me hanging there and he told me “let go, and you’ll be all right”. I hung on even tighter. Then finally I grew so tired that the only thing that I could do was let go. Of course, the height was not as much as I thought. I picked myself up off the ground, brushed myself off, and I was fine.
This story illustrates what happens in our lives. We try to do things our way and get into trouble. Then, when we have to face the fear of our situation we hold on with a white-knuckle grip. We must understand that we have to sometimes just “let go”, and we will be OK.
I hope that you have a great weekend and a great week.
Jun 5 2009 8:58 PM
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Jun 5 2009 12:36 AM
Thanks for your friendship!
N*G
Jun 2 2009 1:40 AM
Buzzing by to wish you a good week end ahead~
~Click below if you would like to sign my guestbook~
Jun 2 2009 1:40 AM
However those times when we do find balance in our lives, we are at our happiest.
I hope that you have a great balanced week to come.
May 24 2009 11:25 PM
Be well this week end~
May 22 2009 3:28 AM
Time is something that I have been thinking a lot about in recent days. As many of you know from my update email, I have a lot more time on my hands now that I am working a new schedule. So, of course I am thinking a lot about how to best spend this new found time that I have.
I think that time is like a treasure. We only have a certain amount of it every day. If we waste this precious treasure called time we have no one to blame but ourselves.
I hope that you make the most of every second. Have a great weekend, and a great week to come.
May 10 2009 11:49 PM
May 10 2009 11:49 PM
MyHotComments
May 5 2009 3:29 AM
The Greek philosopher Heraclitus may not have been the first person to ponder the concept of change, but he gave us a nugget of truth in 474 BC that has lived on to this day. He said “The only constant is change”.
Things are always changing with us, in us, and around us. Just in recent history the entire human race has undergone many changes. We have been able to devise machines to help us achieve our goals. What happens to these machines when our goals change? They become relics of a bygone era.
The same thing can happen to us if we get in a rut and are unwilling to change. We ourselves can become relics. Don’t let this happen to you. Remain flexible and keep setting your sites on your goals.
I hope that you have a great week.
Apr 19 2009 1:41 PM
Apr 19 2009 1:41 PM
When this happens, we have to put ourselves back in the driver’s seat of our lives and stop letting others choose the direction that we will go.
I hope that in the coming week that you will be going in a direction of your choosing.
Apr 18 2009 3:11 AM
Different colors can affect our moods.
To help yourself stay more positive and or calm,
try focusing your mind on a color that will help...
such as picturing a beautiful yellow or perhaps purple flower.
Or go to a place that surrounds you with colors of enlightenment~
Find which colors help your mood,
and those which may not.
Then try to focus on the one's that help daily!
~HAVE A GREAT WEEK END~
N*G
Apr 7 2009 1:00 AM
I hope that you have a great week full of the confidence that you need to deal with whatever situations you face.
Apr 5 2009 4:13 PM
PHOTO BY: Q www.iraqwarheroes.com
Mar 23 2009 4:54 AM
Thanks...hey when are you off this week?
Mar 4 2009 12:43 AM
There are many beautiful things in this world if we choose to find them.
And there is always more to discover when our minds can focus on 'seeing' all that surround us~
Having a wonderful friend like you is one of my beautiful treasure's~
Thanks for being a part of my life~
Feb 28 2009 8:10 AM
Then something happens in our life. We come across a “light” in the middle of the fog, and we follow this light until we can come out of the fog bank. When we come out the light of the sun seems brighter somehow and the day seems clearer then we ever thought possible.
If you are in a fog, I hope that you soon find that light that will lead you out into a beautiful sunny day. I hope that you have a great weekend and awesome week ahead.
Feb 13 2009 9:51 AM
Wishing you lots of love...today and always~