Paul, Susie, and their son Jackson met Ardena a few months before her baby was due. After a birthmother meets with a counselor and feels ready to start working with a family, she may read " Dear Birthmother" letters and choose one or more families with whom she would like to talk. Writing email, talking on the phone, or visiting in person are all ways the families can communicate. "I was still not clear if the adoption was the way to go," says Ardena, "until I saw Susie and Paul's profile that Lynne from Adoption Connection gave me. Once I read about them and saw their pictures I knew it was the right thing to do."
Ardena and Susie feel a kick. Every adoption is different. Some birthmothers want very little contact while others want more. They need support to get through the difficult ups and downs of pregnancy and the adoption process. Ardena created an open relationship. When Ardena met Paul, Susie, and their son Jackson, she says, "I had never felt better about the decision. They instantly felt like family."
Ardena and Susie get ready to sit down for dinner. During their visits before the birth of the baby the birth and adoptive families can discuss what will happen at the hospital, plans for future contact, or just get to know each other better with a shared meal.
Ardena and Sierra in the hospital the day after she gave birth. "Susie and Paul helped me out through every step," says Ardena. "Susie went to my doctor appointments and was my birthing coach. It was so amazing to share that with her."
Sierra takes a snooze one day after birth. In an open adoption the adoptive family takes the baby home from the hospital after s/he is released, usually around the same time the birthmother is released from the hospital.
Lynne Fingerman, Adoption Connection Co-director, and Debbie Haber, a hospital social worker, visit with the birthmother and the baby. Letting the hospital know that an adoption is taking place is done whenever possible, well before a birthmother goes into labor. Adoption Connection will coordinate with the hospital so that any specific requests by the birth and adoptive family are honored.
Ardena and Susie with baby Sierra at the hospital. "Many people still have a lot of fear around open adoption and adoption in general. But Ardena said to us the other day that in some small ways we may be changing stereotypes and perceptions," says Susie.
Susie getting to know baby Sierra. "Sierra is very loved… we all feel that for Sierra to grow up knowing Ardena will be healthy for her as well as an enriching, loving relationship for us."
Proud parents Ardena and Susie visit with Lynne Fingerman, Adoption Co-director. Ardena says, "Working with Adoption Connection I never felt pressure. I knew it was my decision. Once I started working with them I felt right about the choice I was making."
Jackson and Ardena strike a pose during her visit a few months after Sierra's birth. "Jackson loves to tell Ardena all his latest 'knock-knock' jokes," says Susie, "and he loves that she is a skateboarder like he is!"
Paul holds his daughter Sierra. "Bringing Ardena into our lives and hearts has been an incredible, organic journey."
If it feels right, birthfamilies can visit the adoptive family after placement. Susie says, "Whenever we get together with Ardena, it's like a family get-together, but with a really close friend as well. It's very easy… we all really care about each other so we're catching up on each other's lives."
Out on a family stroll. "People ask me if it is hard to see Sierra now with her new family, and it's almost the opposite. It feels so good to see her and how happy she has made everyone. I can see now that Sierra has so much more than what I could have given her myself. I feel blessed to be a part in something that incredible," Ardena says.
Getting ready for a walk around town. "I know that Sierra will grow up knowing how much I love her. If I had any advice I could give a birthmother, it would be to gain as much knowledge as you can about adoption," says Ardena.
Family portrait. "We say lose the fear, open your hearts, and live with grace and gratitude. Not only will everything work out, but your life will be enriched in ways you've never imagined."
