REMEMBER TO CHECK OUT ALL OF OUR RECENT CHANGES TO THE SITE!
Grace and Peace! Thank you for taking the time to visit "AFTER I DO", we are so excited about what the Lord is doing and how many marriages are being transformed through this website! I know we don't always get a chance to say it - but we thank you ALL for your many kind words, comments, emails, and words of encouragement. We thank God for you and your desire to take a stand with us as we unite to save marriages through Christ.
"The Mills"
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009!
NEW FEATURES!
Who said Oprah was the only one who could have her favorite things? (well-we probably won't be giving anything away like Oprah but you never know...)
You don't want to miss this special section.
We will also have a special section featuring couples and celebrating anniversaries! We already have some interested couples that will be interviewed in the next few weeks so if you would like to be added - please send us an email.
M.P.C. (Marriage Prayer Corner)Focused targeted prayers for married couples including a special section to post anonymous prayer requests.
The kickoff of our "AFTER I DO" website!!!!!!!!!
And much much more.....Get ready for new things from "AFTER I DO" in 2009!
DON'T FORGET TO CHECK OUT OUR LATEST BLOGS!
PRAY FOR OUR MARRIAGES AND TAKE A STAND AGAINST DIVORCE
PRAY FOR OUR LEADERS
1 Timothy 2:1-4 I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone-- for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.
Television
RENEWING/MAINTAINING
THE
PASSION & ROMANCE
Fuel for the Fire "TAKE FIVE"
For all of our married couples out there, here are a few ideas that are free or under $5.00 to keep the fuel burning in your fire.
* Rent a free (DVD) movie from your local library - add some microwave popcorn and enjoy.
* Go to a concert in the park. Check out your local newspaper or recreation department for scheduled events.
* Play a board game.
* Download music from the internet and create a romantic CD
* Eat dinner in and go out for coffee and dessert (share).
* Buy a romantic card, flower and or balloon just because.
* Create a home spa. Massage oils, warm towels, soft music and candles. (see recipe for romance)
* Change the furniture around in your bedroom together to create a new atmosphere.
* Write a poem or love letter and mail it to your spouses' job or to your home.
* Text your spouse a romantic/encouraging message.
* Take a walk in the park and have someone snap a photo of the two of you on your digital camera. Go to your local drugstore to enlarge it and buy a nice picture frame.
* Cut out pictures from old magazines and make a collage (start seeing and creating a new vision for your marriage)
* Check out free offerings in town such as museums, aquariums, exhibits, etc.
* Go to an open house (Real Estate) even if you already have a home (VISION).
* Open up your favorite cookbook, watch a cooking show, or look online for a recipe. Gather the ingredients and make dinner together.
* Take a local drive to someplace you've never been, pop in a romantic CD, stop for ice cream and enjoy the ride.
* Go to the basketball court and shoot hoops together. Lots of one on one body contact (smile).
* Go to a local travel agency, pick up brochures and find out about travel destinations. Take time together to review the materials and explore payment plans and target dates.
* Go to a bookstore (we like Barnes and Noble) check out the latest books (finances, home improvement, romance/sex, marriage, starting a business, etc.) relax and enjoy dessert in their cafe.
Tips:
Be creative
Keep it simple
The thought counts
BROTHERS - The dollar store is your friend! (cards, balloons, knickknacks, candles, etc)
All things are possible:
Empty the change in your pocket each day and put it in a "Love Jar" every so often count the change, take it to your bank and use it for a matinee movie, ice cream, miniature golf, book, CD, DVD, arcade, etc.
Can't find a babysitter? Take a personal day off of work during the week (while the kids are in school) and spend the entire day together.
No more excuses...
What are you willing to invest?
We pray that this blog is a blessing to you, be sure to check back soon.
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Heroes
THE PRAYER OF SALVATION
"That if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved." (Romans 10:9)
"Jesus answered and said to him, 'Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.'" (John 3:3)
The Simple Steps:
1. Acknowledge in your heart that Jesus is Lord.
2. Confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord.
3. Believe that Jesus died for your sins and was raised three days later.
4. Repent of your sins and get baptized in the name of Jesus.
"God, I recognize that I have not lived my life for You up until now I am a sinner. I need You in my life; I want You in my life. I acknowledge the completed work of Your Son Jesus Christ in giving His life for me on the cross at Calvary, and I long to receive the forgiveness you have made freely available to me through this sacrifice. Come into my life now, Lord. Take up residence in my heart and be my king, my Lord, and my Savior. From this day forward, I will no longer be controlled by sin, or the desire to please myself, but I will follow You all the days of my life. Those days are in Your hands. I ask this in Jesus' precious and holy name. Amen."
WELCOME INTO THE FAMILY OF GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Next Steps:
1. Get baptized
2. Pray and read the word of God daily (NKJV/NIV/etc. BIBLE)
3. Ask the Lord to lead you to a local faith based bible believing church where you can worship God and fellowhip with other believers
Hosea 2:19-20*
19 I will take you to be My wife forever. I will take you to be My wife in righteousness,justice, love, and compassion.
20 I will take you to be My wife in faithfulness, and you will know the LORD.
GRACE AND PEACE
Welcome to AFTER I DO!! This website is designed to help sustain and support long lasting thriving marriages, whether you are considering marriage, newlywed, separated, happily married, contemplating divorce, or married going on 50 years (Praise God!), We pray that you will be encouraged and that your marriage will go to the next level. Don't quit - the best is yet to come!
My name is Kim L. Mills, my husband Lonnie and I currently reside in Central New Jersey. This year we celebrated 10 years of marriage!!! I wish I could say it was all smooth sailing - the truth is we have endured many rainy days, but we endured them together! When I look back I can see that the rainy days only prepared the way for the beautiful flowers that have blossomed in our lives today! (check out our testimony in our February 2008 blog)
I am not only a wife and a mother, but I also am also a writer. I am currently updating and revising my first (published book) on marriage! I am so excited, because the Lord is really dealing with me in this area and giving me a "fresh word" for His people. It is such an honor to be used in this area as a vessel to deliver His message to the world. I heard someone say once, when you lay down with God long enough you will come up pregnant - and I am pregnant with a vision from the Lord - and there is mandate upon me to see it through.
My husband and I have a drive and passion to see strong marriages continue to prosper and thrive and hurting broken marriages healed and restored. We believe it's time for us to take a stand against divorce and are convinced that some people just give up too quick, marriage is not for wimps! It's time to put aside our differences, pick up our spiritual weapons and go to war!
The other night my husband and I were thinking about a good friend of ours who is going through in his marriage, when we saw him our hearts sank. Not long ago he was so full of life, he's a wonderful man of God and an encouragement and source of support for so many but life and circumstances have beat upon him and drained him and tore apart his marriage. The first thing that came out of my mouth was "He's missing his rib". We both agreed - and we realized that we are carrying a burden and we cannot stop because our burden is the Lord's burden and we have an assignment to make a difference - it's time for CHANGE!
If you are not saved, we invite you to make this your starting point. The foundation of "AFTER I DO" is biblically based on scripture. It's important that you have a relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. You cannot make it on your own! Marriage was designed and ordained by God - He made woman for man. The answers you seek are in Him.
If you were once connected to the Lord, don't wait another minute - it's time to reconnect and return to your first love. It's not enough to watch TBN and the Word Network - it's time to get under the covering of a Pastor and in fellowship with other believers.
Above all, the Lord wants you to know that He loves you and He has a plan and a purpose for your life! You are not here by accident and no matter what you've been through or are going through the Lord has never left you.
Won't you accept Christ into your life today? If so see "THE PRAYER OF SALVATION" below on the bottom left.
Your life will never be the same......
BUILDING TOOLS FOR MARRIAGE
AFTER I DO is all about building and maintaining strong marriages through Christ because of this we want you to know the importance of making investments into your marriage to keep it healthy, strong and alive - maintenance is key because divorce is on the rise especially in the church. There are many couples who marry with all sorts of misconceptions about marriage, and as a result they look to one another to solve deep emotional problems and provide the needed remedies to heal wounds that are buried on the inside; only to end up disappointed and frustrated when they find that their spouse is ill equipped to handle what they are carrying. Your spouse may be struggling with their own insecurities and challenges and even though they may try their best to understand sometimes your words, tears and frustrations just seem to come across as another language. Just talk to any single person you know who desires to be married and listen to what most of their ideas are about what marriage life will be like once they find Mr. Right. I was there! And if the truth be told many of us can say that we were there at one time or another and some who are reading this may be there right now. I can hear a minister's wife saying in her heart, My husband counsels so many broken people, but I feel like he just can't relate to and understand my pain and frustration and I'm his wife. I'm hurting too, and while those he counsels with walk away encouraged and strengthened - the truth is that I'm still broken.We have received many emails from frustrated couples who are at the breaking point in their marriages and are hanging by a thread.
It is important that we each individually have a personal relationship with the Lord, please understand one thing beloved no matter how perfect or imperfect your husband or wife may be there is a special place that the Lord has reserved just for Him and when we have gone through tests and trials of life He wants to take the time to restore and pour back into us what life and circumstances have depleted. Walking out of your marriage or circumstances is not the answer, because although you may leave and find another they too will come up short of your expectations because what you are seeking for in another is found in God and God alone. Today, no matter who you are, no matter your denomination, title, gender or socioeconomic status God is interrupting your regularly scheduled programming to invite you in.
Shhhhhhhh - Do you hear that?
Listen........... can't you hear Him? He's calling you son& He's calling you daughter.........
Come closer He says - I've been waiting for you........
I know you are frustrated.......... I know you are in pain....... I see you running here and there doing this and doing that.............you've made time for everything and everyone else - allow me to speak to your weary heart.........I gave you the car...........I gave you the house..........I gave you the baby...........I gave you the job.........yet In your heart you are still searching........
There are some things I want to tell you..........I know how they mistreated you.........I know the words they spoke over your life to hurt you........I know your feelings of rejection - and I am aware of your fears and insecurities........
Yes - I know about what happened when you were 5........I saw how you carried the scars of your youth into your adult years....... You've been looking for Me - I heard you call out to Me over and over....... I saw the tears you shed, it was me who dried your eyes........
I have the answers to the many questions you've been asking..........but you walked away before I could respond.........or you thought that I too would wound you and bring greater pain so you stayed away.......
Before you look to another to fill my place know that I am the Good Shepherd and I have ALL that you need...... I want to speak to you.......won't you make time for Me???
........Let Me show you My love for YOU through "Letters to the Beloved"
It is with great honor and joy that we have the privilege to recommend this powerful and anointed resource written by our own spiritual "mother" in the gospel - Pastor Sharon Dean. Sharon Dean is the Executive Pastor of Visions of God Family Worship Church located in Plainfield, NJ alongside her husband and our Senior Pastor, Paul A. Dean. Their combined and individual ministries have been a beacon of hope to so many. We have personally been touched and inspired by her ministry for almost 14 years! Words and time would fail me to express our sincere love for Sharon Dean and her many contributions and giftings to the Body of Christ.
My husband and I recently attended the book release celebration and signing for her latest book "Letters to the Beloved" and can honestly say that it has been divinely inspired by God and has made and continues to make an impact in our lives. This book is definitely a staple for singles and married couples alike be sure to pick up your copy TODAY!
Forty Days.........
Forty Letters.........
Discover God's Love
Renew Lost Spiritual Passion
Experience a More Rewarding Relationship with God
The Journey begins...........
Sharon Dean is Founder and President of VOG Ministries, speaker and author, has helped countless numbers of people to develop spiritually and personally by using biblical, Christ Centered principles. Her unique, profound, yet simple presentation provides insight to the secrets of having an extraordinary Christian spiritual journey. After more than 20 years of personal spiritual growth and development, she continues to grow in her spiritual walk, while inspiring others to do the same. She is a highly respected and qualified teacher, sought after for the purity of her gift of wisdom. With transparency she shares the failures and defeats that led to her own transformation.
Sharon Dean works with individuals or groups, and speaks at churches and retreats. She serves alongside her husband, Rev. Paul Dean as Executive Pastor; together, they are witnessing the transformation of lives.
Sharon's gift of song is powerful and inspiring. Her music has captivated audiences of all ages, through concerts that are moving and unforgettable, and recordings that soothe the heart, mind and spirit.
I am pleased to announce the release of one of our special friends Phyllis "Teacher" Sanders the author of FORSAKING ALL. Phyllis "Teacher" Sanders is a dynamic and prolific speaker and teacher of the gospel of Jesus Christ. She has the ability to draw the listener into the kingdom having such an impact upon their lives to make it the better.
Please join us in supporting this woman of God by purchasing a copy of her book. Don't forget to pick up one for your neighbors or co-workers as well!
You may purchase a copy of this book at Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble.com and several other on line book stores. For more information go to Forsaking ALL!
1. PRAY – PRAY, PRAY, PRAY, PRAY, PRAY, PRAY………. Don’t make any moves or decisions without praying first. Seek God in all that you do and make sure that there are no barriers between you and God to hinder your prayers - if so, quickly repent and reconnect with the Lord. (HUSBANDS: 1 Peter 3:7)
2. JOURNAL – Start a separate marriage journal. In it write down your goals for the year (no matter how big or small), prayer requests, scriptures, thoughts, feelings, frustrations, victories, etc. This time next year you’ll be able to look back and see all that the Lord has done!
3. VISION – If you don’t already have one write out a vision statement for your marriage. Proverbs 29:18. Read it together and aloud regularly, have it professionally printed with a beautiful photo of the two of you, framed and post it up where you can see it daily. No matter what you go through this year NEVER lose sight of the vision – it’s what will help to keep you standing through turbulent times in your marriage.
4. READ– Visit your local library or bookstore and purchase books on marriage. Commit to reading at least 1 book per month for the next 12 months with your spouse. Read a chapter at a time and then discuss your thoughts on the chapter with your spouse. For those of us who are constantly on the go purchase audio books and listen to them in your car or while you are working out. Don’t limit yourself, check out books on investing, starting a business, parenting, sex/romance, travel destinations, etc. as well.
5. INVEST – My husband and I invested what seems like a small amount of money and time to attend an AWESOME 8 –week interactive course called Dynamic Marriage by Family Dynamics. You can click on the link below for more information about the course as well as new classes that are forming in your area www.familydynamics.net
- We HIGHLY recommend it for ALL married couples. You may even want to become a facilitator and bring it to your community or church. Your marriage WILL be greatly strengthened and transformed - they guarantee it or your money back……… If this doesn’t fit into your schedule at this time, you can also research to find many local weekend conferences in your area or search the internet. We receive literature in the mail for Family Life’s Weekend to Remember which hosts several conferences in varies locations throughout the year, you can visit their website by going to www.familylife.com
6. ELIMINATE – These days there are so many things out there to distract us from spending time with our mates - the internet, email, TV, cell phones, etc. Make a commitment to eliminate the distractions and spend more quality time with your spouse and family this new year. Relatives and friends can also be a distraction and while we aren’t saying eliminate them (smile) reduce the time you spend if you are not spending enough time with your spouse. Evaluate where you are spending your free time and scale back if possible.
7. REFUSE – Refuse to allow anyone or anything to come in between your marriage. People (including in-laws), debt, children, jobs, etc. are all things that contribute to division in marriages. Make your marriage an absolute priority and take a stand! Also, don’t allow your tongue to come in between your marriage. Some people kill their own marriage with the words they speak over it (not good) speak only words that strengthen and build up your spouse and your relationship or say nothing at all. In Mathew 12:34 the bible says, “out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." If you are speaking things out of your mouth that aren’t right, check you heart before the Lord.
8. BALANCE – Balance is key, our lives can be so hectic at times with the many roles we play, our commitments and responsibilities, however you must remember balance. There may be some things that you will need to say no to, no matter who gets hurt or offended; you simply cannot do everything. At times we compromise so that we don’t hurt people and unknowingly we are hurting our marriages and family in return. How many preachers, music artists, entrepreneurs and actors do we know of who are very successful but their success has cost them their families? In all that they have achieved, in the end what do they really have to show? It is not the will of God for you to save the world and lose your family in the process. THE DEVIL IS A LIAR!
9. SEPARATE – Yes, separate – not from one another though……….separate what you feel are problems IN your marriage from what are problems WITH your marriage. There is a big difference. It is inevitable that we will experience many challenges in our marriages as we enter various phases of life together, but don’t allow those challenges to affect your love for one another. People who divorce often find out afterwards that they are still very much in love with their spouse, however because of obstacles and challenges they experienced such as financial pressure/debt, disagreements over parenting, sexual frustration, lack of communication, etc. they felt as though they could no longer cohabitate with their spouse. However, those issues had nothing to do WITH their marriage; they were simply problems IN their marriage, some perhaps temporary and others perhaps in need of prayer, patience, communication or outside help. I’m not saying to pretend that those challenges don’t exist, it is important that you acknowledge what the problems are, write them down if your need to. It may be a painful process to face reality, but the fact that you have identified what the problems are, are a clear indication that you are about to see victory in those areas! David saw a giant before him (Goliath) he knew clearly what the problem was, once he identified it he was in position to get the victory over what stood before him.
IF I had a bonus for 2009 – It would be DEFEND. You must be willing to fight for what God has given to you. Don’t give up so quickly, the devil will give you a million reasons why you should quit, he will paint a picture of all the advantages of your new found freedom. He NEVER shows you the disadvantages until it’s too late………and then he leaves you to deal with the mess. DEFEND your marriage! Another word for defend is guard, if you see things that are trying to creep in and cause division seal up your wall and fortify your defense. If things are going well, praise the Lord! Continue to strengthen and build – prepare for rain while it’s still clear!
For more TOP 9's check out our blog from January 2009.
From time to time I will post blogs and excerpts from my book on this site so check back often.
Chapter 4 (excerpt) - The Down Low Divorce
....................................Don't become a victim of the down low divorce, be honest today with yourself - either it's working or it's not. Allow Jesus to fix it for you, give it to Him and don't take it back. Why pretend and live a lie when Christ came that we might have life and have it more abundantly. What kind of life are you living if you dread going home to your spouse? You invite friends and family over for a cookout or the children's birthday party and show off all of the changes you've made to your family room or deck, you show off your new plasma TV and hold hands and smile. Once the guests leave the mood changes and your kids are wondering who these two happy people holding hands and smiling at one another are, until they see you quickly transform back to who you were before the guests arrived.
Maybe you stay for the children and sleep on opposite sides of the bed carefully drawing an imaginary line in the middle to prevent any form of contact. Or maybe it could be silent dinners while one is propped in front of the television set checking out the latest movie on cable and the other sits quietly at the table
alone. Maybe he's scheduled to go out of town soon and on the inside you are leaping for joy at the thought of knowing that at last you can have some time without him.
The nights of dinner and a movie are a thing of the past, no more flowers and cards just because, the last time you got your hair done he didn't even notice. The cologne he wears that use to drive you crazy, makes you nauseous. The joy you had in serving him a hot meal when he came home from work is non-existent, and has been replaced by your nail appointment scheduled for 5:30 PM. We have become masters in one thing, learning how to live in the same house with one another without having a relationship, friendship, or real intimacy (Now I know how God must feel).
I find it interesting how many people spend so much time and money to further their education and enroll in various enrichment programs but fail to invest any time researching or building up their marriage. We know more about our favorite reality shows or the latest Mercedes than we know about marriage. Most of us are accustomed to reading the owner's manual of our appliances or electronics after we start using them and we are no different with our marriages.
We all know people like this, but some may not discern it until you hear in passing that they are headed to divorce court. They are still smiling when you see them in the grocery store, they pose for the family portraits that they enclose in the yearly Christmas cards (everyone's dressed alike) but behind their smiles they are thirsty. They are dissatisfied. The joy is gone - the passion has dried up, no one can see the pain, but God. He's at the end of his rope. She has thrown in the towel a long time ago and to people around them they are the ideal couple, but if the walls could talk the truth would be told. They now operate like a well oiled machine or an assembly line if you will. The kids lunches are made by her, he drops the kids off in the morning before work. She picks them up in the afternoon. At 5:30, he arrives home. At 5:45 dinner is served, she prepares the kids for their bath at 7:30. He tucks the kids in to bed at 8:30. They both join one another in bed at 8:40, one is reading quietly while the other is watching the latest sitcom on TV. They both drift off to sleep and prepare to face another ordinary day......................
WANT TO READ MORE???? ADD ME TO YOUR FRIENDS AND I WILL KEEP YOU POSTED ON THE RELEASE DATE
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POST A COMMENT OR SEND US AN EMAIL (TESTIMONIALS, FEEDBACK, THOUGHTS, ETC.)
OK - NOW GRAB YOUR SPOUSE - AND ENJOY THE MUSIC (REMEMBER TO CHECK BACK AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK FOR NEW UPDATES!)
OK... FOR ALL OF YOU NON-RELIGIOUS PEOPLE WE HAVE POSTED SOME QUALITY CLEAN MUSIC THAT HAS BEEN SCREENED TO HELP REKINDLE YOUR ROMANCE WITH YOUR SPOUSE.
LOVE SONGS
12 Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; 13 bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. 14 But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. 15 And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. 17 And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.
18 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.
Ecclesiastes 4:12
Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
Heb 4:12
For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.
1 Peter 3:1-9
1 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4 Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, 6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
8 Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. 9 Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.
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Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.- Philippians 2:4
Let no one seek his own, but each one the other's well-being. - 1 Corinthians 10:24
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up. - Ecclesiastes 4:9,10
Each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband - Ephesians 5:33
Can two walk together, unless they are agreed? - Amos 3:3
AFTER I DO: FOR MEN ONLY
Psalms 1:1
1 Blessed is the man Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, Nor stands in the path of sinners, Nor sits in the seat of the scornful; 2 But his delight is in the law of the Lord, And in His law he meditates day and night. 3 He shall be like a tree Planted by the rivers of water, That brings forth its fruit in its season, Whose leaf also shall not wither; And whatever he does shall prosper.
"Afer I Do" has truly been blessed to connect with some of the most amazing people in the Body of Christ! We can't tell you how excited we are about the MEN who have decided to step up and take a stand by making a difference in their marriages, we really thank God for you!
This month we are honored to feature one of our TOP Friends, Dr. "O" in our very first AFTER I DO: FOR MEN ONLY Section!! We thank God for allowing he and his beautiful wife LaShon to be apart of our mission to make a difference in marriage through Christ.
Ladies be sure to tell your spouses to check out AFTER I DO: FOR MEN ONLY - It's sure to be just what the Dr. Ordered.........
"Marriage: You Reap What You Sow"
By: Dr. "O"
Most people don't understand in marriage, you're guaranteed to get back what you put in. What do I mean by that? Well, after hearing and reading all of the media hype about that blatant attack on Christian marriages, I felt the need to put this to blog. There are holy guidelines on how we are to commit to and treat each other. What we need to understand concerning these guidelines is, if we short change them in any way, our short coming will all come back to haunt us.
While we're in the dating phase we lead on the facade that we're "Down for whatever" concerning the well being of the other. We make sure we do whatever it takes to have our partner know and understand that we are what they want and need for the rest of their lives. But, for some reason we feel the need to misunderstand what's said at the altar for our own benefit. We use the excuse "You Married me this way!" as a cop out on actually giving our all for the relationship as well as the other person. "All is well when you to give me 100%, but please don't expect me to go out of my way to give you 100%, you'll just have to deal with the 50% that I have the time for". Let's tackle a few issues and see.
Why, is it ok for a man to "wine and dine" his woman and it becomes something that's expected of him, and then find it that he won't receive the same in return? Why is it when a woman comes home to cook every day it becomes expected, and with this expectation all that she does becomes over looked.
Why do we not continue to do all that we can to stay physically, emotionally, and mentally attractive to our partners? Have we become so comfortable in our marriages that we feel as if "It doesn't matter how I look he/she better not go anywhere, they just need to take me as I am because this is how they married me!"&lol& That is the silliest comment I've ever heard. In my previous marriage I was taught a lie. I was taught that marriage was about sacrifice, "We have to sacrifice the things we want, need, and like for the likes of the other person!"&WHAT!?!?!? Please don't be fooled by the devil and his modes of deception. Marriage is about sacrifice, but only positive sacrifice. We should never have to "Go Without" in our marriages. We should be able to have whatever is needed, liked, and wanted in our marriages as long as it's FROM OUR SPOUSE ONLY! For example, if LaShon has a need that may conflict with my want, does that mean that she should have to go without her need while I seek my want, or should I go without my want to supply her need? Well, here's what I do. I postpone my want to satisfy her need. Then, she wants nothing more than to satisfy my want, simply because her need has been met. Those who postpone personal wants to meet the needs of their spouse will find that they will be overwhelmed with their wants, just a few minutes later than expected. And, anytime you're overwhelmed with what you want, it's perfect timing.
Now, all of that sounds easy huh? Well, think about this the next time you want to go do something fun and your spouse explains to you that they need a back rub. As long as all of the sacrifices are positive, they'll help the relationship, all which in return helps the marriage. But, the problem is, there has to be a suppression of pride to postpone your want to satisfy someone else's need. "Why should I put what I want to the side for your need? I mean, even if I don't give you what you need in exchange for what I want it's not like you're going anywhere anyway. We're married!"
Keep in mind, marriage is a ministry, not only to others who see, but to each other. Husbands, if you don't minister to your wife, the devil will, through another man (or woman&it's 2007&lol). Wives, if you don't minister to your husband, the devil will, through another woman (lol&yup&or another man&gross!!!). We can say what we want and try to be over spiritual about a lot of things, but, the devil has been playing this game since day one. Regardless how saved, sanctified, and filled with the Holy Ghost you or they are, the devil is still the devil who comes to steal, kill, and destroy, and will do these very things until he's won. Men, tell your woman the same things you told her while you were dating. If you don't, the devil will send another man to say the same things just to temp her to fall into the commonality of defaulted Christian marriages. Women, stay on your "A" game and maintain whatever (physically) it is that your husband likes. That devil isn't going to send a "homely looking rundown" chick to tempt him. "And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat&." Genesis 3:6. Take notice of the fall of man. Eve SAW the tree was PLEASEANT TO THE EYES, and she then DESIRED its' fruit. That's how it all works.
The devil WILL bring something that appeals to us to trick us into the entertainment of that we see. After that, destruction! This is why it's very important to make sure there is nothing outside of the four walls of your home that could be a temptation. The only way to do this is to make sure that there is everything that appeals to them within the four walls of the marriage. And I say this all to save you from the dumb question that's always asked upon the discovery of infidelity "What does he/she have that I don't?"&lol&yup. All because we feel that it's beneath us to do whatever, however, or whenever. Or should I say, beneath us to postpone our wants for their needs. These are just a couple of areas they are out in the open in Christian marriages. We find ourselves to be too deep and spiritual to please our spouses in EVERY area. Or should I say, minister to the needs of our spouses in EVERY area. This goes for both the husband and wife, stop being so shallow when it comes to pleasing your spouse. Do whatever it takes, and leave no room for the devil to play his games. Fellahs, yes, you still have to wine and dine after the catch. And then, it's in your best interest to get your body looking good and then keep it that way. Take the time to please her and stop rushing through things for your own pleasures and selfishness. This is important, the devil will send a smooth talker but, what can he say that she hasn't heard if you're on your "A" game? What can he propose physically to please her if you've already mastered it? And the same applies to the ladies. Ladies, Please, Please, Please do your best to make sure your body is in the condition it should be. Regardless of how much you weighed while standing at the altar, do your best. Presentation is also a huge part of ministry. Put your best foot forward to look and present your best to your husband, the devil is certainly going to send his best to tempt and minister to him. So, this is another small area where we can't allow the devil to conquer.
When we take the time to understand that marriage is a ministry that reflects exactly what we have personally sown into, we all will have a ministerial movement that the devil can't defeat. The devil takes pride in exploiting Christian marriages over the media every day. We have the power to keep our marriages the way God intended. A marriage that is symbolic of Christ and the Church. I love you all; let's make sure we do our best to keep the devil out of our marriages.
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I am truly blessed with the gift of your friendship. I'm very sorry that I haven't been in touch like I should have lately. With all that has been going on with Winston I have not gotten too many chances to be online. The weeks have really gone by fast. I praise God so much that Winston is improving and is almost back to 100%. Hopefully everything will be back to normal soon. Thank you for understanding and continuing to be my friend. I miss you!
We are in a season when Love really matters... As we Love each other, husbands and wifes. God enpower us even more to Love others. Thanks for always encouraging marry people to Love each other as Christ Love the Church...Yes, as we submit to our own husbands God can move in them...Shabach
Have a Good Friday my Friend! Always remember who you are in Jesus Christ for there are others watching. Be an example and let your light shine. Lead or tell someone about Jesus today for we are his servants.
30 "I looked for a man among them who would build up the wall and stand before me in the gap on behalf of the land so I would not have to destroy it, but I found none.
Lord help us to be men and women who stand in the gap for our marriages and families.. Thanks for your wonderful comments. Have a great day, Love in Him, Colleen
Jeremiah 9:23 Thus says the LORD, "Let not a wise man boast of his wisdom, and let not the mighty man boast of his might, let not a rich man boast of his riches;
Acts 5:38 "So in the present case, I say to you, stay away from these men and let them alone, for if this plan or action is of men, it will be overthrown;
Acts 5:39 but if it is of God, you will not be able to overthrow them; or else you may even be found fighting against God. "
1 Corinthians 3:19 For the wisdom of this world is foolishness before God. For it is written, "He is THE ONE WHO CATCHES THE WISE IN THEIR CRAFTINESS";
1 Corinthians 3:20 and again, "THE LORD KNOWS THE REASONINGS of the wise, THAT THEY ARE USELESS. "
God is in Control..Trust Him..Thanks dear friend for all your wonderful comments..Hope all is well with you..Love and Blessings, Colleen
