You are Spider-Man (84%)
Despite the plain-jane looks of my page, I'm actually a web developer. That's different from being a designer. Designers are more concerned with the way things look; developers are mostly concerned with the way things work. Once upon a time, I was more of a designer, but I seem to have traded in much of that skillset for my dev skills.
I work freelance consultancy here in Charleston, soon in Columbia, perhaps not long after in Charlotte, Atlanta, and Greenville, as well. So if you're in need of some advice, assistance, or service in the internet department, drop me a line. Don't worry, I have some designer contacts, too...
Beyond that, if you're looking for an honest, responsible smart-arse to add to your circle of friends, act now! Supplies are limited!