Good evening...how are you...doing tonight? Good? Good!...My name is Alexander The Poet...and what I do is...read romantic poetry...while wearing tight black leather pants...while exposing some very good ole’ moderate chest hair...in the shape...of a heart!...And when I read my poetry, I prefer to read it...to the music of whales humping. It gets me...in the mood...
Website
alexanderthepoet.com
Influences
I stay above the influence, thank you very much :)
Members
The members of my band are my chesthair in the shape of a heart, and my stomach hair in the shape of an upside down heart :)
ALEXANDER THE POET's Interests
General
carnivals, femdom, funnel cake, open mic nights, porn, pro wrestling, renaissance faires, softcore porn aka cinemax, sushi, upstate ny, working out
I support
Music
celtic, country, dance, electronica, europop, futurepop, new age, pop, rock, trance
Examples: Akon, Amber, AnnaGrace, Avril Lavigne, Disturbed, Gin Blossoms, Ian Van Dahl, J. Lo, Kelly Clarkson, Marc Anthony, Pink, Scars of Broadway, VNV Nation, Weird Al.
Yeah I know my music taste is lame and I'm not down with what the new kids listen to, but whatever.
My only exposure to music these days seems to come from my morning drive to work. I listen to TOP 40 stations and if I hear a song I like, I'll try to remember it so I can download it. Any other genre I usually hear about from others. I'm very skeptical of buying cds since on average, there's only 1 or 2 songs that are decent while the rest is filler. If anything, I'd rather buy cds from local artists. Not saying I'm big on going and supporting the local scene but I'm trying.
Russian Pop
Igor Nikolaev, Natasha Koroleva, Valery Meladze, Igor Krutoi
Movies
Generally, I'm into action, adventure, comedy, and fantasy films.
Examples: Airplane, Die Hard, Lethal Weapon, Lord Of The Rings, Man In The iron Mask, Naked Gun, Pirates Of The Caribbean, Police Academy, Rush Hour, The History Of The World, The Mummy, Three Musketeers, Adam Sandler movies
I'm also a huge lover of the late night cable/softcore erotica genre. It made me the pervert that I am today and I will forever be grateful for it.
And oh yeah, I own a bunch of porn I keep in a box in my closet :)
Television
Comedies
Family Guy
It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia
Secret Girlfriend
South Park
The Office
Dramedies
Monk
Dramas
Burn Notice
Criminal Minds
Leverage
NCIS
Pro Wrestling
WWE Monday Night RAW
ECW
TNA Impact
WWE Friday Night Smackdown
Old Faves
Three's Company
Wings
Night Court
TV Show that should have never been canceled
Dead Like Me
Shows I Watch Whenever I Can But Not Always
General Hospital
Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
Shows I'll Watch If I Can, But Don't Make It A Necessity To Watch Them
Big Bang Theory
Law And Order: SVU
Two And A Half Men
Honorary Mention
The Vicar Of Dibley (I ecspecially love Alice's character. She is so goofy and adorable). Thanks Luciana for telling me about the show :)
Books
I'm not a big reader but I'm slowly trying to change that
A Young Girl's Crimes by David Rehak
Femdom
I Was A Teenage Dominatrix by Shawna Kenney
Frederique by Don Brennus Alera
Westerns
Resolution by Robert B. Parker
Celebrity Biographies
You Can Run But You Can't Hide by Duane "Dog" Chapman
Miss America by Howard Stern
Private Parts by Howard Stern
Undressing Emmanuelle by Sylvia Kristel
Wrestling Biographies
Foley Is Good, And The World Is Faker Than Wrestling by Mick Foley
Have A Nice Day, A Tale Of Blood And Sweatsocks by Mick Foley
Hardcore Diaries by Mick Foley
In The Pit With Piper by Roddy Piper
Million Dollar Man by Ted DiBiase
Paranormal/Urban Fantasy
River by Skyla Dawn Cameron
Graphic Novels
Gene Simmons' Dominatrix
Favorite Newspaper Funnies
Hagar The Horrible, Howard Huge, The Lockhorns, Momma
Favorite Webcomics
BSN by Carb, Dear Pirate, Load
Heroes
Burger King, Geico Caveman, Jack Handy, The Continental as portrayed by Christopher Walken on SNL, Borat, The Todd on Scrubs, Pepe Le Pew, Quagmire on Family Guy, Tony Clifton, Master Roshi from Dragonball, Steven Seagal's slickback ponytail hairstyle, Igor Nikolaev's mustache, Kevin Nash's long pretty hair, Sebastien Chabal's beard
ALEXANDER THE POET's Details
Status:
Single
Here for:
Networking, Friends
Orientation:
Straight
Hometown:
Bensonhurst, Brooklyn, NY
Body type:
5' 11" / Average
Ethnicity:
White / Caucasian
Religion:
Jewish
Zodiac Sign:
Gemini
Smoke / Drink:
No / No
Education:
Some college
ALEXANDER THE POET's Schools
East Brunswick High
E Brunswick,New Jersey
Graduated: 1994
Student status: Alumni
Degree: High School Diploma
About me: I really hate putting a lot of time and effort into writing profiles because first, chances are, most do not even bother reading them, and secondly, I am judged by my pictures. So I guess if you have any interest in finding out more about me, just email me and ask.
Pirates > Ninjas
Werewolves > Vampires
Lord Of The Rings > Star Wars
I know I am forgetting one minor detail about me...
Oh yes! Please read below...
BRIEF BIO
I write and perform dirty poetry and have chest hair in the shape of a heart.
EXPANDED BIO
I have been writing and performing dirty poetry since 1997.
From 1997-2005, I've had a successful run invading many open mic nights throughout NJ and some in NYC.
I've got banned in a good majority of them as well.
Which in essence, is how I became popular within the Jersey arts scene.
Then in 2006 until the present, the amount of open mic nights have diminished and I find myself not performing as much.
Which is ok because I haven't been writing as much either.
I think it's a combination of unfortunately having already written a poem on pretty much everything imaginable, and experiencing a lack of time nowadays to explore my creative side.
I still try my best to write atleast 1 new poem a month, and as far as performing goes, if anyone needs an x-rated comic poet for a 10 minute spot, I'll be glad to be of assistance :)
By the same token, if you know of any open mic nights that are happening in the Jersey area which are comedy/poetry friendly, please let me know. Thanks.
***
MY ACT
Due to the nature of my act, it runs usually 8-10 minutes.
I do my intro which consists of showcasing my chest hair in the shape of a heart, and then end up reading around 3-5 poems.
At the end of each poem, I remove 1 item of clothing.
The music of whales humping is played as a background accompaniment to the poetry.
***
I think what I'm doing is a great form of community service and the following people would agree:
"X Rated Shakespeare" - FHM Magazine, August 2003
VERY funny...and disturbing" - Tri City News, Asbury Park, NJ
"Alexander, Again, DEAD ON! Thanks so much for making last night a success. It seems the best shows we do are always the ones you're a part of."
-Patrick Cashin, comedy booker
"It's amazing to see how in less than 5 minutes, you are able to totally change the mood in a room."
- Christine Goodman, founder of Art House Productions
"Alexander The Poet: A True Romantic With A Gift Of (Per) Verse" -RadioSlak; 04.30.05
Well, let's see. I used to have a playlist here of my poetry mp3s. But Tom decided to be a scrotum and delete it. Apparently, I was breaking copyright laws by harmfully stealing MY OWN SHIT without obtaining permission from myself to use it.
So if you'd like to check out my mp3s, do so at this link: My Poetry MP3s
I also have a shitload of poetry which you can find at my website AlexanderThePoet.com . Poetry on sex, pornstars, dicks, vaginas, boobs, masturbation, etc.
Who I'd like to meet: People that have a genuine interest in me and my comedy/poetry act...People that share my interests...and naturally, any hot girls that want to f&ck my brains out :)
I love how your mood is *Smitten* Are you smitten with the kitten??? ;P Good morning, Alex... Long time no comment!!! Can't wait to check out all the new poetry... You are still very wonderful...and handsome too -xoxo
Online Now!
