Good evening...how are you...doing tonight? Good? Good!...My name is Alexander The Poet...and what I do is...read romantic poetry...while wearing tight black leather pants...while exposing some very good ole’ moderate chest hair...in the shape...of a heart!...And when I read my poetry, I prefer to read it...to the music of whales humping. It gets me...in the mood...
Website
alexanderthepoet.com
Influences
I stay above the influence, thank you very much :)
Members
The members of my band are my chesthair in the shape of a heart, and my stomach hair in the shape of an upside down heart :)
ALEXANDER THE POET's Interests
General
casual retro gamer
puzzle quest: challenge of the warlords (nintendo ds)
trauma center (nintendo ds)
crazy penguin catapult (pc)
plants vs. zombies (pc)
donkey kong, original mario brothers, pac man, pinball, space invaders
pro wrestling fan
wwe, tna, japw women division, kaiju
I'm not that much into zombies but I must admit, I found this to be hysterical! Created by Mingle2.com (Dating for non-zombies)
Music
celtic, country, dance, electronica, europop, futurepop, new age, pop, rock
Examples: Amber, Avril Lavigne, Disturbed, Gin Blossoms, J. Lo, Kelly Clarkson, Marc Anthony, Pink, VNV Nation, Weird Al.
Yeah I know my music taste is lame and I'm not down with what the new kids listen to, but whatever.
My only exposure to music these days seems to come from my morning drive to work. I listen to TOP 40 stations and if I hear a song I like, I'll try to remember it so I can download it. Any other genre I usually hear about from others. I'm very skeptical of buying cds since on average, there's only 1 or 2 songs that are decent while the rest is filler. If anything, I'd rather buy cds from local artists. Not saying I'm big on going and supporting the local scene but I'm trying.
Russian Pop
Igor Nikolaev, Natasha Koroleva, Valery Meladze, Igor Krutoi
Movies
Generally, I'm into action, adventure, comedy, and fantasy films.
Examples: Airplane, Die Hard, Lethal Weapon, Lord Of The Rings, Naked Gun, Pirates Of The Caribbean, Police Academy, Rush Hour, The History Of The World, The Mummy, Adam Sandler movies
I'm also a huge lover of the late night cable/softcore erotica genre. It made me the pervert that I am today and I will forever be grateful for it.
And oh yeah, I own a bunch of porn I keep in a box in my closet :)
Television
Comedies
Big Bang Theory
Chocolate News
Family Guy
Kröd Mändoon and the Flaming Sword of Fire
Reno 911!
Scrubs
South Park
The Office
Two and a Half Men
Dramedies
Monk
Dramas
Burn Notice
Criminal Minds
Law and Order: SVU
Leverage
NCIS
Pro Wrestling
WWE Monday Night RAW
ECW
TNA Impact
WWE Friday Night Smackdown
Old Faves
Three's Company
Wings
Night Court
TV Show that should have never been canceled
Dead Like Me
Shows I Watch Whenever I Can But Not Always
General Hospital
Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
Honorary Mention
The Vicar Of Dibley (I ecspecially love Alice's character. She is so goofy and adorable). Thanks Luciana for telling me about the show :)
Books
I'm not a big reader but I'm slowly trying to change that
A Young Girl's Crimes by David Rehak
Foley Is Good, And The World Is Faker Than Wrestling by Mick Foley
Have A Nice Day, A Tale Of Blood And Sweatsocks by Mick Foley
Hardcore Diaries by Mick Foley
Miss America by Howard Stern
Private Parts by Howard Stern
In The Pit With Piper by Roddy Piper
I Was A Teenage Dominatrix by Shawna Kenney
You Can Run But You Can't Hide by Duane "Dog" Chapman
Million Dollar Man by Ted DiBiase
Favorite Newspaper Funnies
Hagar The Horrible, Howard Huge, The Lockhorns, Momma
Favorite Webcomics
BSN by Carb, Dear Pirate, Load
Heroes
Burger King, Geico Caveman, Jack Handy, The Continental as portrayed by Christopher Walken on SNL, Borat, The Todd on Scrubs, Pepe Le Pew, Quagmire on Family Guy, Tony Clifton, Master Roshi from Dragonball, Steven Seagal's slickback ponytail hairstyle, Igor Nikolaev's mustache, Kevin Nash's long pretty hair
NOTE: I see myself as more of an opener/feature/novelty act. I'd fit in well in a lineup, as opposed to doing solo shows. Due to the nature of my act, it runs usually 8-10min. Sometimes I force it to 15, if I deliver really slow and creepy :)
Hmm, let's see.
I'm not a morning person.
I don't follow sports, except pro wrestling, if you want to call that a sport.
I have low tolerance for alcohol. In other words, I pretty much don't drink.
I prefer coffeehouses over bars, for obvious reasons.
Not into 'clubbing/dancing' although I have no problem watching footage of it on E!, because E! tends to show really nice footage. You know what I'm talking about? Like when they show all them girls in really slutty form fitting club clothes. That is really hot!
Werewolves > Vampires
Pirates > Ninjas
Lord Of The Rings > Star Wars
I'm not into heavy metal despite having very long hair.
I prefer having a beard 99% of the time.
For starters, it covers my slight double chin.
Secondly, shaving irritates my skin.
And last but not least, it gives me a sense that I'm real macho and manly :)
And I've been told I look better with a beard. And not just by gay guys. Girls too! HA!
I wouldn't consider myself to be a social butterfly.
I like to hang out with friends but I don't need to do it 24/7.
I value having some me time.
Unless my friends want to watch me masturbate.
Yeah, I thought not...
And no matter how many times you try to tell me, I don't care if marijuana is really harmless. Never was into it and won't be. My generation seems to have a love affair with it. Whatever. (Same applies to smoking and drugs)
There's probably more things about me I could say, but I'd like to be somewhat mysterious and not reveal everything.
After all, they say women like men with a little mystery.
And I'm not talking about what's in my pants...
***
Hi.
I perform and write dirty poems and have chest hair in the shape of a heart.
If this pleases you, then be my friend :)
I've been at it since 1997, performing at open mic nights and getting kicked out from a bunch of them.
Currently trying to find open mics to perform at. If you know of any that would welcome an artist like me, please let me know.
***
I think what I'm doing is a great form of community service and the following people would agree:
"X Rated Shakespeare" - FHM Magazine, August 2003
VERY funny...and disturbing" - Tri City News, Asbury Park, NJ
"Alexander, Again, DEAD ON! Thanks so much for making last night a success. It seems the best shows we do are always the ones you're a part of."
-Patrick Cashin, comedy booker
"It's amazing to see how in less than 5 minutes, you are able to totally change the mood in a room."
- Christine Goodman, founder of Art House Productions
"Alexander The Poet: A True Romantic With A Gift Of (Per) Verse" -RadioSlak; 04.30.05
Well, let's see. I used to have a playlist here of my poetry mp3s. But Tom decided to be a scrotum and delete it. Apparently, I was breaking copyright laws by harmfully stealing MY OWN SHIT without obtaining permission from myself to use it.
So if you'd like to check out my mp3s, do so at this link: My Poetry MP3s
I also have a shitload of poetry which you can find at my website AlexanderThePoet.com . Poetry on sex, pornstars, dicks, vaginas, boobs, masturbation, etc.
Who I'd like to meet: People that can help me in my quest to become a famous dirty poet...and girls who will give me blowjobs and let me touch their boobs
Online Now!
