Everything here is old -- too old -- except some of the pictures and this:
"I know the meaning of "you can't love anyone until you love yourself." I feel that truth so strongly. I know I have to be a whole and find someone whole to have togetherness, to have what I want most of all -- unbreakable, indivisible love. And I know that I can't love myself until I hear these songs that I feel waiting for me, until they are given to me and it is shown to me how my voice and hands can borrow them from that other world so they can be in this one. They are the heat you feel when someone walks up behind you. They are that magnetic pressure when you hover a fingertip between your eyes. And I am scared of them, because I am scared of myself, because they are hard words to say, because I have no trust in myself. It is so much fear, it is so much self-doubt I can't even believe that I know how to take the first step to find and capture that music. ...
So what does that mean for me now? If all of the plans I made and the thinking I'd done are erased by the unforeseen? When I tried to think up a million bridges to help me across but I suddenly decide a jump will help the other side find my feet? ...
My fight against myself to win myself is all about fear, the kind that paralyzes you, and relents only to allow you to search for all kinds of crutches so you're able to wander aimlessly, limping on this side of the gap. I have to give up those things that pad the sharp corners, that dull the ache, but in return dull me. I have to be brave and not look down so I can get to where I need to be. The old cliche has meaning for me -- I have to face the music. I try so hard to have faith that when I finally turn toward it, what faces me I can look in the eyes and finally love." [Entire entry here.]
I've realized that something I said not too long ago (and have felt for a very, very long time) was wrong -- I have to love myself before I hear those songs, not the other way around. Right now, for me, doing that is not about giving up, but about not fighting with myself over this anymore, and that being okay and being the right thing to do.
In the interim... if you wanna see me play, just get in touch. I'll be glad to use your living room as a stage.
ARTISTS: MELISSA MEJIA CARMELLIA ESPINOSA KYLE MILLER BRIAN GRAY LIAM HAPPENSTANCE NATHAN KANE GRIMES MEAGAN O'CONNOR TOMMY ARMAGEDDON NICOLE MIDDLETON DANIELLE MARVIN CHRISTEN FIGUEROA JULIAN NICK DUNKENSTEIN JOSH MATTHEWS VANHANNAH ELIZABETH JOSIE DAY MIKEY O.D. DUSTIN HEGEDUS DARLENE MUTO ED DANSART COURTNEY BARRIGER MACTRUQUE MARIA DUNLAP JOEY TEMPTATION JENNA BRUT GRANT THORNTON LOGAN RASPA JAY PEELE ANDY WELCH MATTHEW NELSON ROB AARON PRESTON NETTLES KIRA LAMB BRYCE DAVIES LENORE CHESNUTT RYAN GUNWITCH-BLACK BRIAN MURPHY TREE
ARTISTS: JESSICA BECKER, KODY HINKEL, JAMES LYONS, BRIAN MURPHY, DARLENE MUTO, MICHAEL POOLT, MEAGAN O'CONNOR, LAURA DAILEY, CHRISTEN FIGUEROA, ALEX COOPER, ASHLI MORGIS, MARIA DUNLAP, DUSTIN HEGEDUS, BRENDON O'ROURKE, JOEY TEMPTATION, J.D. LAMBERT, VANHANNAH ELIZABETH, MICHELLE PAYNE, AMBER BAILEY, ANN MARIE ROUTE, JULIAN, PRESTON NETTLES, KIRA LAMB, LOGAN RASPA, NICOLE MIDDLETON, JOSIE DAY, KEVIN HARWELL, MATTHEW NELSON, GRANT THORNTON, ALEX LEINENWEBER, TOY CRUSHER, ZACH HOWELL, STEPHEN FLOYD, JON FORT, MELISSA FIORENTINO, LILY SWINDLE, THONY AIUPPY, ED DANSART, MATT HEBERMEHL, JASON WILLIAMS, JOY SWINDELL, JAY PEELE, SARA TALVAN, JAXLEIGH, DEVIN BALARA, COURTNEY BARRIGER, ERIN DENNIS, DEREK DES ISLETS, ALYX RYAN
DJ KEVIN M 12AM ANTARCTIC 11PM THE JOHN CARVER BAND 10PM CPT EO 9PM
ARTISTS: HANNAH FOLKNER NICOLE MIDDLETON MIKEY KETTINGER TOMMY ARMAGEDDON BRIAN MURPHY MICHELLE PAYNE ALEX COOPER LOGAN ZAWACKI ED DANSART BRIAN GRAY TIM 'KILROY' LENOIR MICHAEL POOLT REJCEL KODY HINKEL SULLY H. FONTAINE JR JIMMY SOUTH JOSH HOYE BRENDEN MANNING JOSIE DAY DUSTIN HEGEDUS KIRA LAMB AMBER BAILEY PRESTON NETTLES MARIA DUNLAP ZACH HOWELL MAX MICHAELS GRANT THORNTON JAXLEIGH LOGAN RASPA WILLIAM M. SMITH TONSENIA ARIELLE DEANGELO ALEX LEINENWEBER MATTHEW NELSON ALANNA KEVIN HARWELL BRENDAN O'ROURKE
i was recently looking through some old pictures and came across bella's 1st birthday party. seeing you singing to her, and her tiny baby self entranced with you is so amazing! that is definitely a memory i love to think about. =)
Yo cone.. I was just thinking about you (is it creepy because it's a little after 1:00 A.M. on a Monday?.. I didn't think so either!). I miss you pal. Next time I'm in jax, we're doing this thing! Maybe the face punching thing too! :) Hope you're well! -Jai
FRIDAY NIGHT IS OUR ONLY HELLO DANGER ROCK SHOW UNTIL OUR CD RELEASE PARTY ON 3/27/09 AT JACKRABBITS, HIT US UP FOR TICKETS BEFORE FRIDAY, THIS SHOW WILL SELL OUT!! ALSO.......... DONT MISS THE ARTSHOW THIS SATURDAY AT THE BEACH!!!! OC LIQUOR STORE HELLO DANGER (acoustic) ~ 12:30AM-1AM SUNBEARS! ~ 11:30pm-12AM JUICY PONY ~ 10:30PM-11PM RICHARD LOVE ~ 9:30PM-10PM WUDUN ~ 8:30PM-9PM
OC BLISS (RED ROOM) DJ MARCO ~ 10PM-2AM SQUARED ~ 8:15PM-9:45PM
OC TIKI BAR DJ SILVER STAR ~ 10PM-2AM JOHN EARLE ~ 8:15PM-9:45PM
ART: ARTISTS: JENN MIMS TIM "KILROY" LENOIR MICHELLE PAYNE JAY PEELE ERIN DENNIS DESIREE MANLY CHRISTEN FIGUEROA MISTY LAKE NICOLE MIDDLETON ALANNA DUSTIN HEGEDUS KODY HINKEL TUFFY BRIAN GRAY TONY MILLER KEVIN HARWELL JIMMY SOUTH MARIA DUNLAP GRANT THORNTON JOHN HAFLER ZACH HOWELL PATRICK CARTER ASHELEA PENQUITE DEWIN BARNETTE MICHAEL FACINI ASHLI MORGIS DEVIN BALARA DARLENE MUTO JASON WILLIAMS DEREK DES ISLETS DENNIS HO GRACE BIO ROBERT FREEMAN MATTHEW NELSON TRESSA FENCHEL TOY CRUSHER TOMMY ARMAGEDDON JUAN CASTELLANO KEITH KRULAC PRESTON NETTLES
DONT MISS THE ARTSHOW THIS SATURDAY AT THE BEACH!!!!
OC LIQUOR STORE
HELLO DANGER ~ 12:30AM-1AM
SUNBEARS! ~ 11:30pm-12AM
JUICY PONY ~ 10:30PM-11PM
RICHARD LOVE ~ 9:30PM-10PM
WUDUN ~ 8:30PM-9PM
OC BLISS (RED ROOM)
DJ MARCO ~ 10PM-2AM
SQUARED ~ 8:15PM-9:45PM
OC TIKI BAR
DJ SILVER STAR ~ 10PM-2AM
JOHN EARLE ~ 8:15PM-9:45PM
ARTISTS:
JENN MIMS TIM "KILROY" LENOIR MICHELLE PAYNE JAY PEELE ERIN DENNIS DESIREE MANLY CHRISTEN FIGUEROA MISTY LAKE NICOLE MIDDLETON ALANNA DUSTIN HEGEDUS KODY HINKEL TUFFY BRIAN GRAY TONY MILLER KEVIN HARWELL JIMMY SOUTH MARIA DUNLAP GRANT THORNTON JOHN HAFLER ZACH HOWELL PATRICK CARTER ASHELEA PENQUITE DEWIN BARNETTE MICHAEL FACINI ASHLI MORGIS DEVIN BALARA DARLENE MUTO JASON WILLIAMS DEREK DES ISLETS DENNIS HO GRACE BIO ROBERT FREEMAN MATTHEW NELSON TRESSA FENCHEL TOY CRUSHER TOMMY ARMAGEDDON JUAN CASTELLANO