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Unsigned amateurs! God imitating keyboard molesters! Pruners of the hairiest musical embarrassments! Good evening and welcome to my sunny and spacious kitchen on the corner of London’s Hyde Park. My name is Alfonzo and I am a celebrity chef. You may not have read about me in Heat magazine, but trust me, in the Belafonte Hippie Communes of Northern Italy, I am known as “the celebrity!” Anyway. Somehow these morons at artrocker.com decide they wanted me to write the unsigned bands column for their new website. I declined on principle, but then they said “Alfonzo, we let you talk about your cooking between the demos!” so I said maybe. Then mamma hit me, and I said yes. So listen to me you sexy little bands! If you want a bit of the groupie action you’d better send your CDs to:
ALFONZOS DEMO KITCHEN
82 MEDIAN RD
LONDON
E5 0PN
And I’ll see what I can do whilst making a quick syrup and stir-fry bolognaise!
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