What prompted you to write Always Too Soon?? I launched into writing Always Too Soon after my father died. He was sixty-three and he was my second parent to pass away. By the time he died, I was thirty-one years old, which I think is relatively young to have experienced the death of both parents.??
There was something unmistakably different about the experience of losing my final parent. Suddenly, despite being married and having an older brother, I felt very much alone. The immediate connection to my childhood was lost. The two people who had always been my greatest champion, the two people who were always there to offer me advice and guidance, were gone. ??
I wanted to write a book about how real people coped with this same loss. I wanted each person I interviewed to share the lessons, the things they learned, that got them through their grief – and enabled them to come out the other side stronger.
How has your own life influenced the writing of this book [Always Too Soon]? From my work on Always Too Soon, I have learned that there are many facets of loss --- and that grief often arises from secondary, unanticipated losses: the loss of close sibling ties, the sale of the childhood home, and the need to get rid of countless family possessions.
In addition, many of the people I interviewed for the book describe coming face to face with their own mortality; there is no longer a buffer between you and death. This can have the effect of changing your perspective on career and family. It alters what you consider important. It changes your priorities. In many ways, over time, the loss of your parents becomes a catalyst for change. You can decide with ultimate freedom where to live, how to live, and what to do for a living. Ultimately, these deaths reshape one’s future in ways completely unforeseen at the time of loss. And that can be a good thing.
Whose story [from your book Always to Soon] did you find the most surprising? There's one quote I did find very surprising, and now it means a lot to me personally. Dennis Franz told me, "Although I miss my parents dearly, I'm so glad that I miss them."
I actually stopped him right there and asked him to explain what he meant. Glad? How can you be glad?
He said: "If I didn't, it would mean that they didn't have as much of an impact on my life as they do. I would like to have the same sort of impact on my children."
I immediately understood what he meant. Thinking of my own parents that way, and my own children, helps me a lot.
What are some of the challenges of being a parentless parent? There are a staggering number of challenges. As a parentless parent, you become solely responsible for giving your children a sense of family history.
Your kids no longer have grandparents to tell them stories and important facts and dates. Holidays become a bigger challenge too. You are now responsible for keeping family traditions going. All of this can feel like a burden, make you feel older, and force you into a matriarch or patriarch role well before you're ready.
For many parentless parents, the view of your own mortality completely shifts. Having lost your own parents, you become acutely aware that your children will, one day, lose you.
I also think parentless parents feel isolated. Somehow we think we should feel stronger and not so strongly impacted by the deaths of our parents. After all, we're parents now ourselves. That's why it's so great that a new network of informal support groups has started to appear all over the country called Parentless Parents.
These groups allow you to share ideas about coping with sadness and keeping the memory of your parents alive for your children.
Hi. My name is Allison Gilbert and I’m the author of Always Too Soon: Voices of Support for Those Who Have Lost Both Parents.Thank you so much for checking out my MySpace page!
For Always Too Soon I interviewed famous people such as Ice-T, Rosanne Cash, Shelby Lynne, Yogi Berra, and Rosanna Arquette about the impact of losing their parents. I also talked with regular folks who lost their parents to infamous events like 9/11 and the Oklahoma City bombing.
On a personal note, my mom died of ovarian cancer when I was 25, and my dad passed away from lung cancer just a few years after that. Both were very hard experiences for me and became the reason why I wrote the book. I truly wanted to help other people going through the same thing….
It’s my hope that Always Too Soon will help anyone who’s grieving – especially if the loss happens to be your mother or father. Please feel free to contact me anytime if you want to talk. I know what you are going through. You are not alone.
MY BLOG: Read Allison's blog at The Huffington Post BOOKING: Keynotes and seminars are always customized to meet the needs of each organization. If you don’t see a topic here that fits your requirements, please email Allison. She can develop a talk that’s perfect for you. To inquire about speaking engagements, please email Allison directly at allison@allisongilbert.com
FROM MY WEB SITE: Allison Gilbert is the author of Always Too Soon: Voices of Support for Those Who Have Lost Both Parents and co-editor of Covering Catastrophe: Broadcast Journalists Report September 11. Always Too Soon sparked the creation of Parentless Parents, a nationwide community of parents who have experienced the loss of their own mothers and fathers. Allison is also a public speaker addressing grief, recovery from loss, and the bonds that hold families together.
Read an excerpt from ALWAYS TOO SOON | Read an excerpt from COVERING CATASTROPHE Check out my CNN Interview above my friends panel, and keep checking back for more audio and video!
LISTEN TO MY PODCAST on SEALPRESS
Who I'd like to meet: QUOTATIONS from ALWAYS TOO SOON
"It’s okay to be depressed; it’s normal.” - Rosanna Arquette
“After my parents died it wasn’t the same. My mom died too young, and I think my dad died a little too young, too.” -Yogi Berra
“When your parents leave, you are nobody’s baby anymore” -Mariel Hemingway
“In some ways, I am closer to my parents now that they are gone” - Rosanne Cash
“You only get one set of parents” - Dennis Franz
“If something terrible happens, I don’t get crazed. But it’s all inside” - Geraldine Ferraro
“I found allegiance with my friends. My friends became my family” - ICE-T
“I feel defined by loss in every way” - Carmela Ciuraru
“I don’t think my parents would have wanted me to be sad all the time” -Valerie Webb
“Life is a privilege- it’s so easy to die. That’s a survivor’s way of life” - Shelby Lynne
Thank you for your add request. I love the topic of your book. It is so important to all of us who have lost parents early in life and of course for those who lose a parent anytime. My father died when I was 33. Although he is gone, I feel closer to him now than I ever did before. I feel as though we finally understand eachother. My mother is alive and well, however her parents both died when she was in her early 30s. Great topic! Best to you, ~Lisa
