Andre Paul Thierry

The screenplay for "BEAT THE CLIENT" drops scores of BOLDFACE NAMES, living and/or dead, that I would love to party with: Kelly Ripa, Britney Spears (God help her, seriously), Don DeLillo, Tommy Hilfiger, David Edelstein, Jenna Bush, Erik Estrada, the Dalai Lama, Kelly Cutrone, Tracy Quan, Dick Parsons, Alan Cumming, Serena Williams, Venus Williams, Lance Bass, George Steinbrenner, Aki Karuismaki, Barack Obama, Angelina Jolie, The Scissor Sisters, Marty Scorsese, Debbie Harry, Twyla Tharp, Dave Eggers, Tom Wolfe, Iggy Pop, Jimmy Kimmel, Jackson Pollock, Anselm Kiefer, Tony Stark, Sue Storm Richards, Reed "Mr. Fantastic" Richards, Sabrina Jackson, Cynthia Nixon, Felicity Huffman, Tracee Ellis Ross, Lisa Kudrow, Courtney Cox, Kirsten Dunst, Katie Couric, Shonen Knife, Kate Moss, Mike Myers, KanYe West, Bill O'Reilly, Kate Beckinsale, Chloe Sevigny, Anna Benson, Kimberly Guilfoyle, Robin Meade, Beyonce, Jessica Biel, Jennifer Lopez, Scarlett Johansson, Alec Baldwin, Rachel Weisz, Maria Bello, Kate Winslet, Nigella Lawson, Christina Aguilera, Chris Rock, Natalie Fucking Portman, Dov Charney, Reese Witherspoon, R. Kelly, LaTavia Roberson, LeToya Luckett, Anton Chekhov, M. Night Shymalan, Martha Stewart, Christo, Peter Gatien, River Phoenix, Rosana Franco, Gwen Stefani, Billie Jean King, Joanna Angel, Justine Joli, Kylee Kross, Sabrina Sparx, Pixie Pearl, Dana DeArmond, Samuel L.Jackson, Harvey Weinstein, Mario Batali, Julian Schnabel, Cory Lidle, Paris Hilton, Fiona Apple, Cat Power/Chan Marshall, Anna Kournikova, Star Jones, Janet Jackson, Justin Timberlake, Vanessa Williams, Rick Fox, Halle Berry, David Justice, Todd Van Poppel, Karin Jones, Larry "Chipper" Jones, Rose McGowan, Dita Von Teese, Marilyn Manson, Rita Wu, Nicole Kidman, The Black-Eyed Peas, Madonna, Carlos Mencia, Isaac Mizrahi, Bai Ling, Tia Fucking Carrere, Gabrielle Reece, Gabriela Sabatini, Michael Dorrian, Devon Rose, Johnny Damon, Bill Maher, Karrine Steffans, Salman Rushdie, Diddy, John Sterling, Suzyn Waldman, Flavor Flav, Brigitte Nielsen, Kobe Bryant, Christopher Reeve, Slava Tsukerman, Gina Gershon, Ellen DeGeneres, Jack Nicholson, Shiloh Jolie-Pitt, Natalie Gulbis, Lorena Ochoa, Denise Rich, Ann Coulter, Dennis Miller, Jocelyn Wildenstein, Vincent Gallo, Ron Perelman, Ron Burkle, Woody Allen, Heidi Klum, Seal, Amy Winehouse, Rachel Sklar, Sarah Silverman, Charles Rangel, Gnarls Barkley, Split Me Wide Open, Mariah Carey, Brandon Flowers, Courtney Love, Marcia Gay Harden, Jimmy Fallon, David Wright, Paul Lo Duca, Kimora Lee Simmons, Alek Wek, Elizabeth Berkley, The Strokes, Omar Minaya, Bob Packwood, Neil Surewood, Christian Bale, Pamela Anderson, Tara Reid, Jessica Simpson, John Rocker, O.J. Simpson (o.k., I KNOW,...you gotta read the script), Robert Blake, Kenneth Lay, Ace Frehey, J.T. LeRoy, Andrew Ridgeley, "Downtown" Julie Brown, (white) Julie Brown, Dirty Vegas, Can-I-Bus, Praz, Nas Escobar, Vijay Singh, Jason Itzler, Derek Jeter, Bar Refaeli, Jim Nantz, Choire Sicha, gawker.com, Jan Stephenson, Mickey Wright, Howard Sounes, Naomi Campbell, Vanna White, Rachael Ray, Charlie Sheen, Hugh Grant, Cuba Gooding,Jr., The Reverend Al Sharpton, Kato Kaelin, Stacy Ann "Fergie" Ferguson, will.i.am, John Cameron Mitchell, Nickelback, Kylie Ireland, Drew Barrymore, Rudy Giuliani, Esera Tuaolo, Amelie Mauresmo, Billy Dee Williams, James Caan, Michael Strahan, Miles Davis, Cicely Tyson, The Reverend Jesse Jackson, Bill Cosby, Robin Givens, Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth, Lee Elder, Titanic Thompson, Bob Murphy, Charlie Sifford, Menudo, Lystra, Chapel Waste, Apu, Hank Azaria, The Beatrice Inn, The Waverly Inn, Gisele Bundchen, Jason Kidd, Julie Chen, Les Moonves, David Dinkins, Hot 97, the "Miss Jones in the Morning" Show, John Travolta, Zinedine Zidane, Dave Chappelle, Ving Rhames, President George W. Bush, Condoleeza Rice, Foxy Brown, Jay-Z/Shawn Carter, John Forte, Shakira, Liz Cho, Bijou Phillips, Evan Dando, (former, disgraced, fuckin' idiot) Governor Eliot Spitzer, Maria Bartiromo, and Keith Olbermann. A special shout-out to NY Wankees pitcher Roger Clemens--I hear his new book is gonna be called, "Pinstripes and Needles." And let me backtrack to Barack Obama: I REALLY WANT HIM TO WIN, but come post-election-day on November 5th, I don't want that bad Kwame Jackson-on-"The Apprentice" hangover. Just sayin'. *POSTSCRIPT: Wednesday, November 5th, 2008.... So there was no Omarosa for Obama and our dashing hero scored an Election Day smackdown! Tuesday night, Greenwich Village, NYC, 'round midnight: I got more high-fives (out) and fist-bumps (in) than I did during the Giants' Super Bowl victory. I even saw someone holding a sign: "OBAMA! KLAATU BARADA NIKTO!" That's NOT a Kenyan dialect, by the way--it's the "safe-word" that deactivates the killer robot in "The Day the Earth Stood Still." If only Barack's middle name were "Raheem" instead of "Hussein"--how cool would it be to call our new President B.R.O.? **POST-POSTSCRIPT: Wednesday, January 21, 2009... My Top 5 New York Observations of "The Inauguration of Barack Obama." (Why does CNN's branding of the event sound vaguely gay porn-y? Like, "The Violation of Guantanamo Bay" ? 5. The big smile on cellist Yo-Yo Ma's face while he played on John Williams's "Air and Simple Gifts." I've never seen any artist so absolutely happy. Maybe he caught a glimpse of Jay-Z's Cossack hat... 4. The barely-stifled grin on O's face when Chief Justice John Roberts stumbled on the oath. Maybe it was an "O sh*t!" moment. As a Senator, President Obama opposed Roberts' nomination. 3. The little "salute" V.P. Joe Biden gave as the helicopter spiriting W out of office lifted off. WTF was that?! Giving the finger to the last 8 years, that's what it was. Stay classy, Joe! 2. SCLC founder Rev. Joseph Lowery's "the red man can get ahead, man" benediction rap was hilarious! As a former Atlantan, I've heard him do that before, but to uncork it in front of billions--genius! Good thing, too, because Elizabeth Alexander's poem sucked. 1. Seeing now ex-VP and Sith Lord Dick Cheney in that wheelchair reminded me a lot of the evil Mr. Potter character in "It's a Wonderful Life." "You once called me a warped old man...." All in all, a perfect day. Thanks for finally trimming that Bush, America!