Amanda Thatcher

My "Clone": What can I say about you to accurately describe what is felt? Though I've only known you a short time, it feels like you know me the best. With you there is no hiding who I am, because there doesn't have to be. I don't have to pretend to be someone I am not. With you I don't have to be brave, or strong, I don't have to know all of the answers or be over everything like I have to pretend to do with so many others, and that to me speaks volumes about how awesome you truly are.

It is remarkable to me that you have meant so much in such a short amount of time, mostly because the rest of the world has seemingly started to fade away and because of the fact that we are so similar.

To think that I could feel such a closeness to someone who reminds me so much of myself in certain ways astonishes me because of the fact that 9 times out of 10, I detest myself. I don't say that searching for pity, but rather because it's true...I generally don't like myself very much and often wonder why someone would bother with someone of my nature, but then I talk to you and don't feel so isolated.

I don't feel quite as stupid for loving the person that I do, well, at least not as stupid as I used to feel because I know that if your heart can feel the same, if someone as great as you can love someone in the same magnitude and still remain standing and whole then maybe, there is something to it after all...maybe it's not just a fairytale, and maybe just maybe the good ones do get "happily ever afters"...who knows? In any case, here's to you, for always being there, and for making me hope that the nice guys don't always have to finish last. May you get everything you wish for, and may I always be lucky enough to see it...

Dion: You too are a person who manages to break through every barriers that I've ever had, and very few people understand why. I myself have trouble too, at times.

How in the hell did this happen? You and I both know we were never supposed to be anything. You weren't right for me. I wanted everything that you hated. I was supposed to be preoccupied with you until my prince charming came along. But I wasn't that lucky.

You see, somewhere along the way, somewhere between the fights and me yelling I hate you, i fell in love. I fell in love with you and you weren't perfect, and you were definitely not a prince. And you were definitely nothing that I'd expected. You were so much more.

I think about you now and you still take my breath away, even after every ounce of pain. And I haven't been able to catch it since.

I know what other people think. I know what you think. And you're all wrong. You are not a monster. You have so much beauty within you that it is sometimes staggering. And it doesn't matter how long it takes for you to see that, because I will have always known it was there. I will have always known that underneath all the hostility and all the anger and hurt was someone who was worthy of love and everything else.

I don't know what the future holds, if in the end you and I will go our separate ways, but I need you to know that no matter where I am and no matter who I meet, no matter how they make me feel, I will never regret you. Because you are and always will be, the first piece of magnificence that I have ever come across. I am lucky to have known someone of your magnitude, and with all my heart, I hope that you get everything that you wish for, and maybe nothing that you intended on, because in the end, you deserve it.

Amanda: I have no idea where life is going to take us both. Sometimes I feel as if we drift apart, and that scares me. But what scares me most is that you don't see the potential within yourself that I see. Often times I think you listen too carefully to others opinions of you, and that ultimately you decide that if that's what they think, then that must be the truth. But it's not. I don't think you give yourself enough credit. I think you allow your mother's opinion or that of your sisters or father stand in the way of who you can become.

I don't know how long I will be a part of your life, simply because I don't feel like belong there anymore. But even so, I want you to know that you are capable of being whatever the hell it is that you want to be. You don't need anyone's permission. You just need to believe in yourself, and believe that you are capable of more than anyone could ever imagine.

I don't know if we're drifting because of me and because I've changed or if it's because of you and your family and the fact that you've changed. But either way, you should always know that no matter where I am or how far apart we drift, there will always be a part of me that believes in you and wishes you the best.

Ishah: You are my best friend. One of them anyway. Though you may not always believe it. I shut you out often. Sometimes purposely, sometimes accidentally. But it's not because I want to hurt you, it is simply because I don't think that you always know what to say or what to do, so that makes the situation awkward, and with all my heart, I don't want it to be that for you. So I try and eliminate that problem by staying away.

You are so wonderful and I don't ever want you to think that I am so envious of you that I wish you didn't have everything that you do, because that is not the truth. I will always be happy for you, envy aside. There will never be a day when I wish anything bad for you and Corn. Your happiness means a lot to me, and believe it or not, if I had to pick who out of the two of us got to be happy, it would be you hands down.

I know you get lonely and that things are hard sometimes. You miss your family and you and Corn fight, but I need you to know that no matter what, I'll always be here. And that no matter what, I'll always wish you both the best, because in my heart I know that you deserve it.

Jeremy: It's almost been a year since I've last talked to you, and I still think of you every day. I'm not mad at you. How could I be? You were the one bright spot in a whole hell of a lot of madness, and for that I'll always be grateful.

I think a part of me will always want you around, because you are so damn beautiful in your own way. You, much like my clone, brought out the best in me. The only difference being that with you, I saw a future.

I need you to know, even though you will probably never read this, that there is no doubt in my mind that if I had been with you, I would have been happy. I would have always been happy.

I need you to understand that even though you're no longer a part of my life and even though I fucked it up, I will always want you to be happy, and I will always miss you and think about you. I'll always want you to be safe. Because as I said before, Jeremy not in my world is unbearable. Jeremy not in the world is unthinkable.

I love you. No matter where you are and no matter if we see each other again or not, I need you to always remember that, because it will always be true.

Israel: My soulmate. My stupid cousin. How could I forget about you? That's almost impossible. You brought me so much joy when I needed it the most, and for that I'll always be grateful. Though I know you will probably never read this either, I need you to know that.

I don't have any hard feelings. I'm only disappointed because you are brilliant enough to read and draw and hell, I'm pretty sure you could walk across water if you wanted to. But you are not brilliant enough to remain healthy for those of us who love you, if not for yourself.

You appear to be very selfish, and that breaks my heart, because I know that deep down inside, you're not. I know that, because it was you who picked me up off the floor when I felt I had lost everything. So that is the way I'm going to remember you, whether I see you tomorrow or never see you again. I will always remember my soulmate and remember how remarkable you truly are. I hope you find peace.

To my family, my brothers Adam, Jacob & Clyde: Who would have ever thought we'd be here, not speaking over dumb shit? Over the fact that none of you could let me go, could face the fact that I was an adult? I always love you guys, no matter how mad you are at me, because I'm realizing that life's too short not to. Life's too short to hold grudges, to be angry. Angry over change.

All three of you have meant so much to me and always will, but I feel it is you who is making the mistake. My door has been open to all three of you for nearly two years. None of you have taken the opportunity to walk through it. And I know what you're thinking; You're thinking, why haven't you called? You're the one that hurt our mother, so it should be you to call. Well, brothers, as much as I love you guys, that can't happen. Because you see, I am tired of humbling myself, of always being the one to say I'm sorry when I didn't make the decision for you guys to leave my life. You did. All three of you handed me ultimatums.

The truth is, I'm still angry about that, because regardless of what any of you have ever done, I never was so bold, I never said to you, you did something I don't like, so therefore, you can't be a part of my life anymore. I said earlier that that can't happen, but honestly and truthfully, what I meant to say is that it won't. I won't apologize for growing up and falling in love. Because none of you did. I will simply leave it at this. I will always love you. I will always be here and if the time comes that you should ever need me, I'm a phone call away.

Dad: Don't think that just because I haven't written a million word essay on how important you are to me, that it means that I don't love you, because we both know it's not true.

I sometimes get sad because you're not around as much, and because life is too short. But I'm never mad. I can never be mad at someone who reminds me so much of myself. You have my temper, or should I say I have yours. But you also have my heart. It is because of you that I love so deeply and so often, and for that I will always be grateful.

Cammi: My babygirl, I hardly ever see you anymore. it's been a rough year and we both know that I miss you very much. But still I know that you're always with me, and that there isn't a day that I'm not thankful for you. You after all, were the one who taught me how to be an aunt. And even though you hated me for the first couple of years for taking away your grandma's attention, you grew to be my best friend. You still are.

I am honored that my name is within yours, because maybe that means that there is hope for me yet. You are a spectacular little girl, and I know that you will grow up to be a beautiful, talented woman. I love you with all my heart. I love all of you with all my heart.