Who wants to
be sexy?
Get ripped at Anti-Gym while you eat carbs, drink
booze, and smoke pot!
Anti-Gym is a revolutionary new fitness concept
developed by Michael Karolchyk, the Howard Stern of fitness and
most hated man in Denver. It’s a myth perpetuated by the
money-grubbing health club industry that you have to deprive
yourself of the good life in order to get fit, that you have to
exist on egg whites, tofu, and guilt. Our clients are proof that
you can live on the edge and enjoy all life’s finer things while
still getting into your best shape ever.
The secret starts with high-intensity workouts. Our
propriety workout system, MAKHIT training, is a pulse-pounding
combination of resistance training and calisthenics/plyometrics
designed to shed fat and build muscle tone FAST. Our Lifestyle
Consultants are not soft personal trainers who let you call a time
out because you pay their bills, they ride your ass for 40 minutes
solid to give you the hardest and most effective workout of your
life.
The second half of the equation is positive mental
conditioning. Anti-Gym is the only facility in the country that
teaches you to MENTALCIZE while you exercise, incorporating
encouragement and accountability into your custom program. Here’s
a short list of our secret tactics: weekly weigh-ins, monthly body
fat measurement, report cards, urine tests, team competition, 6AM
wake up calls, Twinkie barrages, and public shaming with stuffed
farm animals. We will never let you forget what you are working
for.
But it isn’t all gloom and doom. Anti-Gym also
boasts the sexiest facilities and clientele in Denver, with live
DJs spinning records, gorgeous cage dancers, and our elite co-ed
Ravish Room. Plus, we want you to enjoy the new body you worked so
hard for, which is why we host weekly happy hours and let you
drink alcohol and even smoke a joint if you want. It’s all good as
long as you come in and do the work. We are not your mother’s
Curves class, and we definitely are not your father’s YMCA.
Join Anti-Gym if you want to have sex with the
lights on, or join 24-Hour Fatness if you want to keep eating
cupcakes alone in the dark.
“Nobody really has a thyroid problem, they have an
attitude problem. Political correctness and a culture of victim
hood has made us the fattest nation on the planet, but we look the
other way so health clubs and the diet industry can make more
money. Anti-Gym isn’t going to play the game anymore – we tell
women if they’re chubby they won’t get a hubby, and men that they
need smaller boobs than their dates. We believe parents should be
arrested for child abuse if their children are fat.
If you cannot laugh at yourself, then you will
never admit that you have a problem. If you cannot admit you have
a problem, then you never will listen to coaching and get help for
that behavior. If you are lazy and blame everyone else for your
shortcomings, stay at home with your imaginary “gene problem” and
your very real, very uncomfortable-looking jeans problem. But if
you are ready to work hard to make yourself the best you can be,
we would love to have you at Anti-Gym.”
- Michel Karolchyk, CEO of Anti-Gym and not a
member of Oprah’s Book Club
What are you waiting for?
Contact us today for a complimentary, no obligation consultation.
"Waiting
to contact us won't make your belly rolls go away any faster!
Contact us today."
Call us at:
303.249.9280
Email us at:
info@theantigym.com
Visit our website at:
www.theantigym.com
