(The Strange Tail Of ) Jonah & The Wail…

Dug Out, Bristol

A REAL rocky horror show this.

Seven alien sex fiend idiot bastard sons and daughters of Bo Diddley, The Tubes, Johnny Thunders, The Cramps and John Lydon, smashing their way through the restraints of glam-punk, and set on terrorising the natives. The Attitude is what counts. Noses are thumbed, faces are pulled and mockery is made as they run amok. The singer leads the war dance, fixes a pagan glare on you, and mimics your nods, blinks, winks and shifty gaze, as discomfort becomes more and more apparent.

Relax and react is the motto. Earthy, gutsy rock‘n’roll with humour, more trashy than Half Man Half Biscuit, and leaning to America for an unstoppable salvation. Go with the grin.

DAVE MASSEY, MELODY MAKER (R.I.P.) 1986

Southdown Rocketts (The Story Of A Sound)

Well, I'm stranded in the jungle, I'm trying to keep a date,

With my little girl that was back in the States

I’m stranded in the jungle, I'm afraid of it all,

Wondering how I could get a message back home.

But how was I to know that the wreckage of my plane

had been picked up and spotted by the girl on Lover's Lane?

I said, meanwhile, back in... Southdown Road, Bath, BA2 1HR,UK, circa the summer of 1982, a couple of bedroom windows are open in a pre-2nd World War semi and the sounds of New York Dolls, Suicide, Ramones, Blondie, Heartbreakers, Patti Smith, Television, Wayne County and the rest of the mid-to-late ‘70s Max’s Kansas City crew are drifting across the surrounding neighbourhood, with ‘we have come for your children’-style intent.

The sounds of mid-70s New York City may seem like an odd choice for backwards backwoods Bath in the mid-80s, but, beyond The Gun Club and The Birthday Party, music in the modern idiom had nothing to offer the youngbloods that lurked inside, about to tell Chuck Berry, Mott The Hoople, and anyone else who’d listen, their ‘Teenage News’.

The bands they formed were…

Little Doll (1982-1983):

Named after a track on the first Stooges LP (and a Blondie bootleg), Little Doll featured Jon Doll on vocals, Tim Doll on guitar, Gary Doll on bass and Andy Doll on drums and sang songs about Johnny Thunders (‘Little Doll’), Boris Karloff (‘Life Without Soul’), weddings (‘…And The Bride Wore Black’), conscientious objection (‘Courage’), fashion slavery (‘Pretty’), Batman (‘Batman’ – yes, that ‘Batman’) and heroin (‘Chinese Rocks’ – thank you Richard and Dee Dee).

Bike Boys Go Ape! (1983-1984) & Studs On Main St (1983-1994):

“The New York Dolls starred tousled blond David JoHansen on lead vocals and audience-baiting, an ex-teenage pornlette who had graced such celluloid evergreens as Studs On Main Street and Bike Boys Go Ape.” – “The Boy Looked At Johnny” (The Obituary of Rock and Roll) by Julie Burchill and Tony Parsons (Pluto Press 1978)

Rising phoenix-like from the ashes of Little Doll with merely a change of bass player, Bike Boys Go Ape! were one of a set of twin bands formed in Southdown, Bath in 1983; their companion band being Studs On Main St.(formed out of a mutual respect for each other's hairstyles - yes, they were really that deep).

Studs On Main St. were a band that made-real the lyrics of The Electric Chairs’ ‘Eddie & Sheena’, proving once and for all that Teds (Lee & Mark) and Punks (Tim & Tim) were “supposed to love”. Suddenly The Kings Road was a safe place to be again.

Bike Boys Go Ape! and Studs on Main St. were the ‘Whizzer & Chips’ of rock'n'roll and a 2-band tribute to the gay porn career of a pre-New York Dolls David JoHansen. The emphasis was on pre-punk American rock'n'roll, delivered with post-punk minimalism, a genre largely un-appreciated by Bath’s top-poppers The Corgis and the then-evolving Tears For Fears set. ‘Mad World’? Bike Boys Go Ape! and Studs On Main St. were dreaming the dream.

Studs On Main St. were once described as “a fusion of jazz and anger.” Early in their career, The Smiths’ producer Steven Street recorded a single ‘Punishment As An Act Of Love’ for the band, unfortunately, for reasons they’ve long-since forgotten, it was never released. Equally unfortunately, band and producer parted company on bad terms after Studs On Main St. drummer Mark threatened to dangle Mr Street from the studio’s 2nd floor window by his ankles, after the producer had seen fit to make the band run through said song 13 times before agreeing to record the drums only!?! Practice makes perfect. They did walk away with one thing, though, a from-the-mixing-desk cassette tape of the complete works of The Cortinas; Steven Street’s cousin’s band, didn’t you know?

A few weeks later a mutual friend introduced Studs On Main St. guitarist Tim to Melody Maker Letters Page botherer, New York Dolls biographer, flower arranger, Sex-Pistols-at-The-Lesser-Free-Trade-Hall-the-first-time-attendee and would-be singer Steven Patrick Morrissey as a “fellow New York Dolls fan.”

“I don’t listen to the New York Dolls anymore and I don’t follow any of their solo careers, either,” quipped Morrissey, spinning around and nearly taking the guitarist’s eye out as he went with an anally-inserted mixed-bunch of Chrysanthemums and Gladiolas.

Reading from the notes on their first rehearsal tapes, the first incarnation of Studs On Main St. featured ‘Lee Cave’ on vocals, ‘Timmy Thunders’ (aka Johnny Volume from BBGA!) on guitar, ‘Blitzkrieg Brook’ on bass and ‘Slim Mark Phantom’ on drums. Who were they kidding? But they were kidding, of course. They told ‘Sinister Tales’, singing mean songs about mean things, like: the female of the species (‘Snake’ – “witness the venom voodoo of the temptress”, it says here), Catholicism (‘Confession’ – “feel the hand of retribution”), Gene Vincent (‘Screamin’ End’ - “Bluejean Baby got pistol-packin’ shot”), pop music on the radio (‘Wastelands’), taking cool stuff from the past (‘Pulling Strings On Dead Things’), themselves (‘Five Faces Of…), addiction (‘I Watched A Good Friend Burn’), “He Hit Me And It Felt Like A Kiss” (‘Punishment As An Act Of Love’). Covers: ‘Main Title Theme’ (from ‘The Man With The Golden Arm’), ‘Down In The Streets’ (of course).

Studs On Main St. drank too much, preened too much, fought too much and were once managed by Hugh Cornwell (too much, probably). They started out somewhere between The Gun Club and The Birthday Party, via Gene Vincent and Nancy and Lee. They ended up playing Electro-Cowpunk via rock’n’roll and country, going through several line-up changes, a zillion cigarettes and puberty en route. Following the departure of their original guitarist, the band’s future career highlights included being locked in Hugh Cornwall’s shed until they’d written a million-seller and playing live at Wembley Country Music Festival.

Of course, with a name like 'Bike Boys Go Ape!' the band attracted attention from some weird and wonderful people. A gang of bikers once crashed a BBGA! Bristol show. After initially refusing to pay the extravagant admission price of 75p, they later elected a spokesbiker who told the band: “with a name like yours we thought you’d be rock, that’s why we came. I don’t know what that was, it certainly wasn’t rock, but it was f***ing great”, or words to that effect. Anyway, as BBGA! played the gang had a moment of reflection, which led to a swift trip around the club on the band’s behalf collecting money, so Bike Boys Go Ape! got paid after all. Hooray!

Bike Boys Go Ape! mostly played head-to-toe in black leather and shared the same Christian name ‘Johnny’, via The Ramones, and in tribute to their mutual hero ‘Johnny’ (Strabler), leader of the rebellious biker gang the “Black Rebels”, from the 1953 film ‘The Wild One’… “What are you rebelling against, Johnny?”

Johnny: “What have you got?” At one of the band’s early shows the guitarist got himself a girlfriend. Unbeknown to said guitarist, she was still romantically linked to someone else. This he discovered quite by chance after overhearing someone saying to her ex-, “I see you’ve just lost your woman to Marlon Brando.”

As were their predecessors Little Doll, Bike Boys Go Ape! were influenced by the Universal horror movies of Boris Karloff, the New York Dolls, the Stooges and the Shangri-Las. Their press release, however, cited Boris Karloff as their sole musical influence, inspiring one reviewer to describe their sound as “music from The Wish You Were Dead Department.”

Bike Boys Go Ape! featured Johnny Johnny on vocals, Johnny Volume on guitar, Johnny A T Jazz on bass (the initials ‘A T’ standing for ‘All That’ – it was from Top Cat) and Johnny Snare on drums. They sang the same songs as Little Doll, adding a few more subjects to up the party ante: the shattering of popular children’s myths (‘Understanding’), needing more “Iggy-style” (‘Flesh & Blood’), Boris Karloff (‘Famous Monsters’, introducing ‘The Angels’ on backing vocals), adopting the spirit of Elvis (‘Ashes Of Elvis’). Covers: a ‘SPUNK’-style version of ‘Submission’, ‘Pipeline’ (The Chantays as informed by Johnny Thunders), Suicide’s ‘Ghost Rider’. “Get the picture?” “Yes, we see.”

In the same way that almost a decade before Malcolm McLaren had provided his fledgling Sex Pistols with Roberta Bailey’s 1975 “Catch ‘em While They’re Still Alive” image of the Heartbreakers recreating the St Valentine’s Day Massacre for inspiration, a treasured photo from 1974 of New York girl-group trio The Stilettos (featuring a pre-Blondie Debbie Harry) with the New York Dolls (minus David JoHansen) as their backing band served as an image for Bike Boys Go Ape! to focus on and aspire to. It was time to recruit some Shangri-Las-style backing singers. The Angels were born.

Jonah & The Wail (1985-1992)

Enter ‘unofficial’ Wayne County tribute band Jonah & The Wail. Or had Little Doll and Bike Boys Go Ape! finally arrived at their ‘ideal band’ ‘final destination’: The Shangri-Las backed by the New York Dolls with a David JoHansen/Wayne County/Iggy Pop figure out front?

After a brief outing with just Jonah (Johnny Johnny from BBGA!), four backing singers (The Angels: Destiny, Harmony (is she, or isn’t she?), Rhapsody (from BBGA!/Prisoners Of Freedom) and Melody) and a backing tape (Woolworths), a backing band (The Unholy Three: Echo (Johnny Volume from BBGA!/Studs On Main St.), Hercules (from Prisoners Of Freedom) and The Dwarf (from Prisoners Of Freedom) were recruited.

Jonah & The Wail were a continuation on the Bike Boys Go Ape! theme, with (even more) songs about Boris Karloff, this time with Elsa Lanchester and specifically in ‘The Bride Of Frankenstein’ (‘We Were Made For Each Other’), New York City (‘New York City’ – “start spreading your legs, I’m leaving today”, indeed), werewolves/inner demons/‘Mr Hydes’ (‘(There Ain’t No Hope For A) Lycanthrope’ – “well I used to be a werewolf, but I’m alright n…o…o…o… h…o…w…l!?!), a song for teenage werewolves, lycanthropes and misanthropes everywhere, commercials/ newfangled technology and its age-old appeal to the domestic pet (‘The Adverts Song’). Covers: ‘Juke Box Baby’ by Alan Vega, ‘Get Off The (F*cking) Phone’, by Heartbreakers, ‘Rockaway Beach’ by Ramones, ‘96 Tears’ by ? & The Mysterians, the complete Wayne/Jayne County back catalogue: ‘Rock‘n’Roll Cleopatra’, ‘Russian Soldier’, ‘Paranoia Paradise’ (“Hello, is that the PRS? This is Wayne County…”).

For a while they were cooking on gas: NME and Melody Maker reviews, a slot on Saturday morning TV, regional TV. They were once offered an appearance on ‘Casualty’…

BBC: “A fight breaks out in a nightclub, you’ll be the band playing in the background”.

The director goes to see Jonah & The Wail play live….

BBC: “Sorry, you’ll be too distracting. People will be watching you more than they’ll be watching the fight.”

Channel 4: “We’d like you to be in a documentary we’re making about bands trying to ‘make it’ in the music business. It’ll be one-hour long and we’ll be juxtaposing you with a band from Scotland called Wet Wet Wet. You’re very different (titter, titter)… Wet Wet Wet have a No.1 single with ‘Love Is All Around’.

Channel 4: “In the light of recent events, we’ve decided to make the entire documentary on Wet Wet Wet. Please accept this book on ‘How To Make It In The Music Business’ along with our thanks and best wishes. “Get the picture?” “Yes, we see.”

But the gigs were always a triumph. A show at Bath Pavilion with Half Man Half Biscuit on their ‘Back In The DHSS’ tour led to a show at Bristol’s Colston Hall the following day at the band’s personal invitation. One London show led to the band being invited to play another London show later on the same night! And it was rammed! A one-off show at the Marzbar Club in Bristol led to a short residency. At a Bristol Bierkeller show with Sigue Sigue Sputnik one paper reported that following the headliners’ departure from stage, “the crowd chanted for support group Jonah & The Wail to come back and play rather than Sigue Sigue.” You had to be there, I guess. Still, the guitarist was pleased when ex-Generation Xer Tony James confused his white Gibson Les Paul Custom for the one Malcolm swiped from Sylvain Sylvain to give to Steve ‘Fatty’ Jones. Happy Days, eh?

So, for a while they were happy, these teenage monsters, and these were happy days, playing shows around the UK, sharing a rehearsal space (and a few stages) with The Flatmates (Jonah & The Wail impressed them by knowing that their label ‘Subway Records’ took their name from the Modern Lovers’ song ‘Hospital’: “I'll take the subway to your suburb sometimes.”), dominating the Marzbar and Whip Club scene, hanging out. Life was good… for a while.

Interest in managing them was expressed by Nick Shepherd (the Cortinas/The Clash) and Max Splodge from Slodgenessabounds, which would have been interesting, I’m sure. This enviable position, though, was largely shared between themselves, Paul J and Simon E.

That’s about it for Line-Up 1. The original Angels, once a-go-go, now a-gone-gone. The musicians moved on to territories new. And leader of the (wolf) pack, Mr Jonah Wail? He went up to London to visit The Queen. And that’s where my story ends and a new one begins… “Get the picture?” “Yes, we see”.

Tim Orchard, Bath 2007