Im tired of people asking, "Is this really ARDIE FUQUA, or someone pretending to be ARDIE FUQUA?" Listen up folks, ITS ME!!!! For real..... I dont know anyone with any interests in pretending to be me...well, some1 did steal my identity once, but I had warrants, so he got locked up instead of me.....Im not a celebrity, or one of those entertainers with a huge ego, meanwhile they live in their moms basement. About me, lets see.......well, Im driving a 2004 truck that I really cant afford, the 24 inch rims that are on the truck are used, I bought them off the drug dealer down the street who now has bigger and better rims on his truck, Im living in a house with a mortgage that I really cant afford, I take women to restaurants that I really cant afford, so I tell them to meet me somewhere really expensive, then I purposely show up an hour late and say, "DAMN!! Look @ the time, I gotta go do a set @ a comedy club, we can eat there for free!!" I work in an industry where only 1% are successful, Im constantly broke, paying for things to make it look like Im successful, meanwhile, if you come to my house, the lights, phone and cable are all shut off.....Im not handsome, but GOD DAMMIT IM CHARMING!!!!!!!!!
And Im getting really really tired of getting these msgs from chicks who try to get you to check out their web cams...they always talk about how theyre new to the neighborhood, but never give you a city or state, and they
wanna meet you and hang out...WHO FALLS FOR THIS SHIT???? Whos dumb enough to be like, "Damn, this fine ass chick, with no address, only 1 pic up, and only 1 friend (Toms dumb ass), wants to get with me!!!" And why do they all have Tom as a friend?? Is Tom a pimp??? I checked out 1 chicks web cam, and in the background, I heard Tom yell, "BITCH DO IT AGAIN!!!"
Ya wanna know how pathetic my life is?? My 14 year old son has a MySpace account. I sent him a friend request, and he DENIED ME..... I love getting comments... I even love it when artists leave comments promoting themselves, Im an artist (oh really?) too, and I'll help any1 and every1 that I can... BUT... I dont love the stupid fucks that wanna leave you a FUCKIN 40 FOOT LONG COMMENT ASKING TO BUY THEIR CD OR CHECK OUT THEIR BEATS!!!!!!!!
Oh yea... if youre gonna leave a comment about a party youre throwing, can you please please please make sure that I LIVE IN THE FUCKING STATE that the party is being thrown??????
CAN I PLEASE GET SOME HATERS!!!!! Every1 is talking about how they have "haters" and that "haters" inspire them and make them do better, and how "haters" are gonna make them succesful...... well, shit, thats what I need!! You mean all this hard work and dedication aint shit??? All I needed was some "haters" to find some inspiration and be succesful??? So thats what Ive been doing wrong the past 15 years??? WELL ITS NOT FAIR!!! I WANNA BE HATED ON TOO!!! DAMN!!!!
Who I'd like to meet:
I'd like to meet genuinely sincere people, who wanna make a difference in this world! BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!! I dont wanna meet anybody GENUINE! I dont even know if I spelled GENUINE right! Lets all drop the charade people, if your reading this right now, youre sitting home BORED, or your at work BORED! If the person you are currently dating looks anything at all like Brad Pit, Angelina Jolie, Beyonce, Halle Berry or Tyson Beckford, YOU WOULD NOT BE ON THIS WEBSITE!!!! See, Im the exception. Im really tall, cute and funny, so I HAVE to be on this website, to make people think this works. When people meet me, its like "OMG, My Space is sooooo much fun!".... I am who I say I am.... I look like my pics....be honest fellas, how many times did you a see a girls pics, and she looks like Halle Berry. Then you meet her in person, and she looks like Franken Berry? So, therefore, I wanna meet all the honest people, who after a hard day @ work or school, wanna make friends with someone that they will message twice, then delete them a month later because they refused your cheesy pick up lines, and wont meet you for "coffee".....
But at least look SOMETHING like your pic....Dont you HATE meeting some1 who looks totally different from their pic??? I mean, come on, @ least have your wheelchair on your pic, or @ least mention it on your profile. I invite you to my house, and now I gotta build a ramp so you can come in?? Thats bullshit!!!
PROFILE PET PEEVES...
This applies to Myspace, Facebook, AIM profiles, and any other online medium where narcissistic young people like me represent themselves. If you have one or more of the following statements in your profile, I probably hate you. In no particular order:
.....................1) People who say "music is my life," but don't play an instrument or sing at all. Kind of lazy, no? Let me clue you in: your only relation to music is that you consume it. You are to TV on the Radio what a geek is to Star Wars: a hobbyist. Don't pretend to understand music you have no idea how to perform or analyze just because you have a humanities degree.
.....................2) People who say they enjoy "eating, hanging out, movies, going out with friends." EVERYONE DOES THESE THINGS. Do you like sleeping? Me too! We should totally hang out!
......................3) People who say that they hate "fake people and liars." It doesn't help that they usually spell it "liers." Who ARE all these fake people running around that I keep hearing about? If everybody hates fake people, then how can there be anyone left to be fake? Maybe the fake people just don't have Myspace pages. Yeah, that must be it.
......................4) People with kids. I don't mean to sound like a prude, but when you bring a life into the world, the part of your life that involved Myspace is over. Or at least it should be. It pains me to think of the rearing your child will receive when his mom's profile still lists "clubbing and going out" as interests and has "riding dirty" as its embedded song. And enough with those creepy calendars that tell us how big the kid you are expecting has grown to. I try not to think about what is going on inside a person's body until I've at least met them in person.
...............................(Side note: I haven't seen any yet, but it is inevitable that there will soon be baby Myspace pages, i.e. mothers setting up accounts for their babies and writing crap like "my mommy is typing this for me" in the "about me" section. These children will have all their relatives and playdates added as friends and will keep their accounts as they grow up and get old enough to use it themselves. They will never remember not having a Myspace page. This makes me fear for our nation's future.)
.................................5) "You either hate me or love me." My attitude towards 99% of the people I meet is "don't give a shit." To presume that you could command either my hatred or affection is incredibly arrogant. It also means you're a drama queen who can't stand to be ignored for five seconds.
.................................6) "wut's up" You goddamned fucking retard. One letter cannot possibly cost you enough time that it's worth sacrificing your dignity.
..................................7) "I believe in (veganism, atheism, satanism, whatever). If you can't handle that, then you don't need to read any further." Pretty much the same as number 5. Stop trying to make your hobby sound like your life's consuming passion; I bet half your friends don't even know about your -ism and they "handle" you just fine. In fact, you're probably writing about it so confrontationally because you don't have the spine to say such things in real life to real people.
.................................8) Jailbait. If you're 15 or under, then do us all a favor and get the fuck off of Myspace. Now. Unless you like long van rides with forty year old Harry Potter enthusiasts, no good can come of it. It's not just concern for your safety that makes me say this; you are going through the stupidest years of your life, and broadcasting them into cyberspace. If there was a google-cached copy of all the idiotic things I wrote in my friend's year books, I'd probably want to hang myself. Which brings us to...
.............................9) Dead kids. Wow. You died. That sucks, it really does. Now could one of your surviving relatives have the decency to take your page down? I know it gives your friends a place to type that they "miss u so much" (Jesus the Jew, can't you even spell correctly for your friend's EULOGY??), but you're giving me the creeps, smiling at me from that profile picture like you're still among the living. Exactly how long is your grieving family going to leave that page up? Forever? Forever-ever? Ever-ever? I guess your friends will finally have some closure on your death when they move you out of their top 8. I just really hope that when I die, there won't be an eternal monument to all the terrible bands I liked right before I kicked.
.............................Well, there are more of these, but you get the point. Please, people, remember that these websites are just shrines we set up for ourselves. The more effort you put in to showing the world how unique you are is probably proportionate to your superficiality and egotism. Just tell me enough information to let me know if we could hang out. And don't worry, I'm not a fake person. Or a lier.