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If millions of people can believe in a 2000 year-old book of moral plays about a guy who comes back from the dead, then I can believe there's a freezer behind that marker in Glendale.

This is an example of the "different drummer" kind of thinking that makes people either like me or hate me. Most of the time my intentions are misinterpreted anyway, so it's even money I'm gonna piss somebody off along the way.

I have a lot of creative ideas, but had the self-confidence belittled and beaten out of me early on, so I was unable to overcome the obstacles in my life and achieve my dream of becoming a Disney animator. People used to say "well, it's never too late" but sadly it is. On March 25, 2002, the Disney company told its artists responsible for hand-drawn animation that their jobs were being eliminated-the studio that Mickey Mouse built would focus exclusively on computer-generated animation.

I might have been able to get in the traditional animation department on talent alone, but the CGA can't be bluffed-it takes college. But unless I win a lottery, I'm not attending Cal Arts anytime soon. And besides, I missed out on the tail-end of the great Disney era of animation; the most complicated and beautiful art form in my book. When Walt comes back, he has a lot of people to yell at, kick in the pants and fire in that order.

Don't get me wrong-I think Walt would love the CGA, be fascinated by it. But he never would have abandoned traditional animation, and certainly if one of the many studios Disney maintains around the world had to be closed, it would not have been the original in Burbank where all the history and Walt's essence still dwell.

People seem to forget the duality of Uncle Walt; he was frequently described as a man with one foot in the past and one in the future. His dedication speech at Disneyland reflects this ("Here age relives fond memories of the past ... and here youth may savor the challenge and promise of the future.") and this point of view accounts for his universal appeal.

In my opinion, the world started going to Hell in a handbasket on December 15, 1966, when Walt was taken from us far too soon. I fear a day when the company is sold off to foreign interests and Disneyland is torn down to make way for a soccer field/taco stand.

I've done some creative things commercially, most sprung from the years (1985-1986) that I spent doing costuming/role playing at Sci-fi/horror/fantasy conventions; for instance, Robert Englund arranged my participation in an event at the opening of Nightmare On Elm Street 2, which is how I got pictured in Fangoria magazine in my award-winning Freddy Krueger costume. Check out my Internet Movie Database page for my whole "career."

The role-playing thing got started in 1983 when I started going to The Rocky Horror Picture Show ... yes, I'm an old Rocky Whore (an affectionate nickname for those of us who would prance about in front of the screen in costume, mirroring the action onscreen) and played Frankie at 4 theatres, including the famous Tiffany on Sunset in Hollywood (before they turned it into a wussy dinner theatre). This is also when my notions of sexual orientation turned upside-down.

I'm also a contributing artist/writer for several websites, including The Ghostbusters Fan Forum, The Official Tara Strong and The Official Mary Kay Bergman Memorial.

The only other thing I can tell you about me is this: I am God's favorite sitcom. I am Al Bundy, Charlie Brown and Bad Luck Schleprock all rolled into one. God's been laughing at me for 40 years, so I know Depeche Mode was right with the song "Blasphemous Rumors." His favorite running gag is to make fun of me through the radio. Ever see "Better Off Dead?" Yeah, just like John Cusack's car radio. It's funny unless you're me. So at least I entertain others. If there's one thing you could never call me, it's boring.

Walt Disney (I have faith), Anyone from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (the brilliant TV show, not the pathetic movie) especially Alyson Hannigan or Amber Benson (I want to discuss why Tara went all "Darrin" on Willow), Geena Davis, Kelly Clarkson, Jessica Alba, Sara Gilbert, Mark Linn-Baker, Bronson Pinchot, Scott Bakula, Dan Aykroyd, Sigfreid & Roy, Barry Manilow (I am a Fanilow, yes), Michael J. Fox, Ozzy Osbourne, Tim Curry, Danny Elfman, Ken Berry, Judge Marilyn Milian, Vincent D'onofrio ...

People I'd love to meet if they were still alive: Danny Kaye, Fred Astaire, Gene Kelly, Freddie Mercury, Roddy McDowall, Elizabeth Montgomery ...

LOL! My pal Ballerina pointed out that the heading of this section probably means "what type of people I'd like to meet here." Though apparently a lot of folks do what I did & make a list of celebs.

So, I would say I'd like to meet friends who are not phony and don't play mind games, who are kind and non-judgemental, and should be open-minded with a sense of humor. Anyone who is a hunter, or keeps snakes so they can watch it murder mice every few days, or has ever used the phrase "it's just an animal" can leave right now. Ditto to those who think it's funny to be deliberately mean to others for no reason ... had a belly full of those before I got out of grade school, thank you.

I know 'tude is all the rage with the kids nowadays, but I reserve it for those to whom it's due. Speaking of which, any of the guys that wasted my youth when I was still trying to be het, you need to crawl back under the barrel ... the only guy that might have been worth livin' a lie is dead; the rest of you, about face-and take a long walk off a short pier.

adopt your own virtual pet!

Ballerina (The Profile Fixer-Upper) was here!