I'm interested in what you got in your wallet. I need gas money to make it to Alliance. No, no, I ain't gonna blow it on a bottle of Thunderbird, no sir. I gotta go visit my mother. She's sick. I ain't lyin'. Got two dollar? Bless you.
Music
Most of the time I listen to accordion music and whistle along.
But if I wash myself in the canal, and the bouncer at City Liquor don't kick me out, I like to listen to:
...and that's about all I need to hear, besides the low train whistle of the Old '49 callin' my name.
Movies
Quest for Fire. The Life of Brian. The Jerk. Bowfinger. Borak The Meaning of Life. Unforgiven. 50 First Dates. Groundhog Day. Brazil. Neighbors. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Cookie for Breakfast.
Long as I git me my bottle of Thunderbird and a pack of Camels I can dance all night, til the morning dew settles on me in the grass behind the water tower. Least I think it's dew. Or did I pee my pants again?
Before Siskel & Ebert, it was Baler & Ebert. Roger and I hung out in the 24-7 Cinema, you know, the one kids ain't allowed in, next to City Liquor. That's where we started the "Two Thumbs Up" critique. Except it wasn't thumbs.
Balertwine's Companies
Balertwine Technologies Unincorporated. Laid myself off. Under the Bridge, US I'm the biggest boss ever. I boss the police.
I employ my dates for rude lascivious acts.
Balertwine is celebrating Cinco de Quattro. Posted 12 hours ago view more
I live under the bridge. I live the life of royalty in my own mind.
I don't need nuthin' but my Sterno Cooker, my Coleman cooler, and my Thermos. And I been gittin' by just fine ever since my woman put me outta the house five years ago with nuthin' but the shirt on my back. Which was kinda rough, cuz I wandered round without any pants on for about 3 days.
But I'm a free man, free as the wind, wherever it may blow me.
Yeah, freedom's just another word for nuthin' left to lose, except my balance.
Got any spare change?
I edited my profile with Thomas Myspace Editor V4.4 (www.strikefile.com/myspace)
Who I'd like to meet: I'd like to meet the dude that stole my hubcaps. They were the best part of my car. Had to junk it after that.
I'd love to meet Drew Barrymore and give her a squeeze, but who wouldn't?
I met Jimmy Carter once. Nice guy.
Well, who else would I like to meet? Hmmm.
I'd like to meet the perfect man, cuz my ex'es are lookin' for him. In fact, if I met Mr. Right, I'd punch Mr. Right in the nose, is what I'd do. Why the hell were they lookin' for him so hard instead of ME? I bet he's a lowly slime who was foolin' round with my women behind my back.
I'd like to meet Bill Gates or Steve Jobs and bum a few bills off of them.
Come to think of it, Donald Trump still owes me a few bills from years back when we was out drinkin' and he forgot his wallet, how convenient. With interest, I think I may own a building in New York City now.
This is Jake. As you can see, he's terribly excited about being the star in the movie below.
Living amongst folks is like living in the wilds Balertwine. You get The Neighbour C***F***er with the badly distorted bass lines destroying any hope of sleep day and night for ever. Hows the roar of the cars and howls of the wolves, any better. Good luck Under The Bridge Man
