Well I love acting, writing scripts, playing bass and drinking beer. I also like watching movies, listening to metal, dressing up, smoking fags, beating up on chavs, jiggy beast, dancing with Geoff, drawing pictures and watching Doctor Who.
Movies
In order...
The Crow
Bad Taste
The Lord of the Rings
V for Vendetta
Braindead
Shaun of the Dead
The Shawshank Redeption
The Jackal
Television
Knightmare
Blackadder
Doctor Who
Bottom
Spaced
Red Dwarf
Big Train
QI
Casanova
Books
True Crime, Historical reference, Clive Barker novels and if it counts as a book (ergo, a graphic novel) V for Vendetta, Preacher and Tank Girl
Well due to this funking recession I've had to let Captain Sack and Ecclescake go (fuck you Aliester Darling) and Lembit Opik has just invaded Luxembourg so this page is gonna be a bit bare. No bother though cos I intend on filling with random things, but not yet.
Who I'd like to meet: I'd like to meet alot of people but I'll show you my top ten people. Slash would be here but I've already met him. Didn't I mention that...
..
Gary Oldman, because he is the greatest actor in the friggn' world and he's from Peckham. He wouldn't have to teach me how to play Come together by The Beatles on bass like he did with Daniel Radcliffe cos I already know how to play it.
Emily Booth, so I could marry her and make a reasonably honest woman out of her. And shag her senseless 24/7 of course.
Johnny Depp, I mean the guy is a fucking legend. Pirates are cool anyway but he made pirates so god damn cool a generation of children want to be pirates. So raise your glasses for the man who made rape and pillage cool again.
David Tennant, he made Doctor Who cool again. Before it was such a nerdy thing but now it's compulsary British viewing. So now you are all nerds just like us.
I really wish I met you Brother Dime, you'll live on in our hearts forever.
Same with Cliff Burton, gone before his time. I hate icey roads and tour buses because of Cliff Burton. See you at the big gig in the sky Bro.
Simon Pegg and Jessica Hynes (nee Stevenson) wrote the coolest comedy ever in Spaced. Its fucking timeless. In what show whould you get such awesome lines as Jar Jar made the Ewoks look like fucking Shaft. Now he's making movies (go see Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz if you haven't already seen them) and Jessie is married but still manages to play tonsil hockey with David Tennant on a recurrum.
The Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels is the reason I love wrestling. He is the reason I got inducted into the BYW Hall of Fame. He is the reason I'm a two time Backyard Wrestling champion. He is the reason The Rocker Dropper is my finishing move. He has the fucking coolest entrance music in the world. This man is GOD!!!
Mankind, Dude Love, Cactus Jack, whatever you want to call him, Mick F'n Foley is an inspiration to us all. Firstly he's fucking hard, I mean he got half his fuckin' ear ripped off and carried on with a match. Secondly he's like the only wrestler about who is not on the roids so he's someone for the kids to look up to. Thirdly the guys written eight f'n books, so he aint thick. He is a clever mother fucker. If I met Mick Foley I would hug him and then ask him to join me and Danny's team at Quiz Night and win the damn thing. Then I'd ask him to crack a chair over my head, that would rock!!! And now he's in TNA, funkin' brilliant.
Tori Amos. Well she is a bit old school but she has a hold on me. Listen to something like Cornflake Girl and you feel like you are falling into a fur lined pillow and being hugged where as her version of Raining Blood drags you off that and tears the flesh from your bones. Then you hear the remix of Professional Widow and even though you are as dead as shit, you dance your fucking tits off. Tori, you are a muse, on biblical proportions. If God didn't create you, you are on par and I will worship you on your throne of skulls and fluffy dogs
thanks for listening and liking my lil vamp - dont be scared of me and mon fellow lycan next time eheheheheheeeeeeeeee not long til the next full moon! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Now calm down dear and make a proper plan. Teaspoons are well-known for their inability to inflict proper damage. I think you'll find a machete is far more you.
We'll sit down with a nice mug of absynthe and decide on the best (and least messy) way of dealing with this abomination. Deep breath now........
Dear me, your Uncle doesn't have many friends does he? Never mind, I've popped him on the commode and tucked him up in my Top Friends. I'm sure he'll be right as rain in a jiffy.
Oh, that's nothing. Once I was at a funeral when the Big Guy sent me a coded message to start a Mexican Skirt Wave which managed to get completely round the choir and most of the mourners until it got to the deceased's wife who'd forgotten to put her knickers on in her despondency. The vicar fainted and had to be dunked in the font so I took the opportunity of christening him Lolita Tinkerbell at the same time.
Well that's better! Back to your old self again, I hear. Perhaps I will come and test out your Bartorial Services shortly. In the meantime, I'm learning to count fingers....one...two.. three...four....er...
