Fergus Dargle

The Stats

Location: I live in an RV and travel around to any city that has a Bennigan’s.

Status: I’ve been married over 70 times. Currently single.

Hometown: Kilkenny, Ireland

Children: No, but I did own a monkey once.

Body Type: Rather short by human standards.

Occupation: I was a shoe cobbler’s apprentice for 80 years. I later graduated from a small medical school in Bolivia. Former baker, former beer tester, former cobbler, former spokesmodel. Now independently wealthy.

About Me

Being a Leprechaun has its ups and downs. I’ve been alive for nearly 400 years and to be honest with you, a lot of it’s a blur. I have a vague recollection of dating Marie Antoinette once. I used to hang out with Vincent Van Gogh. Spent a summer trying to create the “ultimate sandwich” with the Count of Monte Cristo. Worked part time for Santa Claus five years in a row. Me and the Duke of Wellington used to try to pick up women on Friday nights for a while. Sigmund Freud and I tried to brew our own beer once. I was thrown out of England for putting Winston Churchill in a figure four leg-lock. And I once punched a Hobbit right in the face.

Other than that, I like to blow things up. I have an irrational fear of Pat Sajak. I have a serious crush on Scarlett Johansson. I like nunchucks, real bacon bits, and food made with beer. Sometimes I wrap myself in tin foil and pretend to be a robot. On weekends, me and Howie Mandel hunt for Sasquatch with our crossbows. I love to hang out at Bennigan’s.

My Interests

Movies:Enter the Dragon. The Count of Monte Cristo. Strange Brew. Anything with explosions in it.

Television: The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Baywatch re-runs. Nightrider re-runs. Anything with Regis.

Books: Mastering Nunchucks. Frying Sandwiches for Dummies.

Heroes: The guy who invented nunchucks. Mr. Miyagi. St. Patrick. The Hulk.

Who I’d like to Meet: Chuck Norris. Scarlett Johansson. Bigfoot.

Interests: Karate. Sandwiches. Karate chopping sandwiches in half.