Benny Michaels is a stand-up comedian whose act and onstage persona can be pretty much summed up in one word: Brilliant. Even despite his comedic genius, Benny still sometimes loses his train of thought on stage due to the roaring laughter and thunderous applause he receives from the adoring crowds. Some audiences have even been known to just sit there in total silence, gazing up at him in awe. Black people wish they were white upon seeing him on stage, and white people no longer feel lame with an icon like Benny Michaels representing them. Benny has appeared on the Opie & Anthony Show and can be seen performing in and around the Mid-Atlantic area, often times opening for the great Reverend Bob Levy. Check him out sometime if you haven't done so already. It may very well be the greatest thing you've ever seen in your entire life. (written by Anonymous)
Website
bennymichaels.com. Don’t bother going to it. It’s just going to link you back to this page.
Influences
Doug Stanhope, David Cross, Dave Chappelle, Mitch Hedberg, Patrice O’Neal.
TV Shows
I was forced against my will once to be on some ghey reality show on the Bravo Channel that was being filmed at the building where I work. Then they told me I had to sign a release form, which I did, and then those dummies left and never took my release form with them. I don’t know if I ended up on the show or not but I hope I was so that I can SUE Bravo AND get to say that I was on a television show and you weren’t. Then one time while I was going to York College, a girl that lived in the same dorm building as me came out of the shower and some heroin addict from in town was standing there whacking off. She called the police and the next day the local news crew came out to my dorm. One of the reporters asked me what I thought of the situation and I said "I think it is an invasion of privacy" because I couldnt really think of anything better to say. Then they played it on the 6 o’clock news and all my friends made fun of me. Not as bad as they would have if they saw me on that stupid Bravo show though. Still those are two pretty good TV credits I think. I’ve also been featured on Comcast OnDemand and do freelance work for HowardTV
Benny's Interests
General
Comedy, cheese, self-absorbtion, over-indulgence, avoidance, masturbation, alienating myself from audiences, farting on my dog, drinking by myself, sushi, poker, and the GIANTS!
Deftones, The Melvins, The Killers, Sublime, Slayer, Aerosmith, GWAR, Heltah Skeltah, Pearl Jam, Mike Patton, Primus, The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Bloodhound Gang, Rush, Dire Straits, The Misfits, Jello Biafra, White Zombie, Pantera, The Black Crowes, N.W.A., Tenacious D
Movies
300, Memento, Natural Born Killers, Blue Velvet, U-Turn, Baby Boy, Star Wars, Scarface, True Romance, Reservoir Dogs, Heat, Nice Dreams, Seymore Butts Musical Tushes, CKY, Lock Stock and 2 Smoking Barrels, The Devil's Rejects, Run Lola Run, Very Bad Things, The Big Lebowski, Boondock Saints, Predator, Kingpin, Friday, Three OClock High, Sling Blade, Indiana Jones, Texas Chainsaw Masacre, Borat, The Prestige, Crocodile Dundee 2
Television
Lost, The Office, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Flight Of The Conchords, Metalocalypse, Brotherhood
Books
Post Office, American Psycho, Ham On Rye, It, Mark Of The Werewolf, Buddhism: Plain and Simple, Private Parts, Miss America, The Celestine Prophesy, Hell's Angels, The Last Don, Blood And Honor, The Goodfella Tapes, The Last Gangster, Confederacy Of Dunces, Wrestlecrap, Happy Endings, People's History of the United States
About me: I enjoy spending quality time with my lovely wife, being a dad, excessive binge drinking by myself, posing as a 10 year old boy on online pro-wrestling games and infuriating the other middle-aged players, the beach, staring blankly at walls, and comedy (both good and bad). While I am very passionate about stand-up comedy I am basically hoping to use it as a springboard to help me pursue my true dream of becoming a hardcore gangsta rapper. Onstage, I am known to brilliantly combine the two genres of comedy and gangsta rap by telling jokes, dropping gangsta shit, and making it rain on them hoes. I have great friends and greater family that support me no matter what, even if they don't agree with what I do, and I repay them by irritating them. I urge everyone to join my mailing list by emailing info(a)bennymichaels.com, as my newsletter was recently ranked as one of the most important written documents in our history, beating out such publications as The Wall Street Journal, the Constitution, and The Bible. It’s a great feeling to be able to stand onstage and captivate an audience, making them laugh and making them smarter just by listening to me. I urge everyone to support live comedy at alternative venues. The entertainment is less watered-down and so is the alcohol. I support small businesses and believe in third party representation. I am for the legalization of vices I don't partake in and support the prohibition of the ones I indulge in. I have gotten naked in hotel rooms full of men so that I could get my own bed. I have vommited on people by accident and have been purposely vommited on by others. I like to pretend I am black on political internet message boards and accuse the other posters of being racist when they disagree with me. I once had my watch stolen from me at gunpoint and later got it back from the guy. I still have the watch but never wear it. He's in jail now, most likely experiencing prison sex of the worst kind. If not most likely, then hopefully. Thank you for checking out my page. I try to keep it as updated as possible. Please check back regularly, subscribe to my blog,my e- newsletter, Twitter, and any other annoying online phenomenon that comes out (except Facebook, which I only would use to look up girls I had sex with in the past or always wanted to, and either whack off nostalgically, or mock them for how fat they've become. Or both.) I also wear braces, not because I need them but to prove that even with dental hardware I still look smooth.
Benny, WHATS UP MAN , YO YOU BEING MY MEN-TOR AND SPELLEN TEACHER I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT COME TO MY SHOW AT HEEL-E-UM ON AUGUST 1 2009. ITS THE FUNNY-IST DUDE OF THE YEAR CONTEST. LET ME KNOW.....AND I HAVE A GIG COMING UP AT A BAR 150 AS USUALY,,,,I NO I DONT SPELL RIGHT BUT ITS MAKES ME HAPY TO SPEL WRONG....JAYJAY
Just heard the news story on NPR about all them wiggers in China wrecking shop over there. I had no idea they had that many. I thought that they were mostly confined to South Jersey and Bucks County. What do they have against the Han Chinese anyway? That they wear their pants, ALL the way up their ass?
You inspire me to do things like, think of easily relatable humorisms, write them down, think about them later, memorize them then finally tell others on stage with thoughtful voice inflections. Thanks Benecio!
I am thrilled to see that I have returned to your top friends. I pulled a Benny last evening. I was having a fine set. People were laughing and having a fun time with my jokes and then when it was time to wrap things up and tell my last joke I tell my joke where I compare Jesus with Hitler. Then I said "What are you going to do? I'm out of here," to complete silence.
Yo Dog I don't when I'll be back officially if ever. Maybe I'll visit another city for a couple years. It will be my longest tour ever. I will be visiting feb. 11th to feb 16th. That's a thurs to a Sunday. Maybe we can catch up at the Lickety Splits. Keep it real playa.
Funny you should mention that. I was just looking at it yesterday thinking, "why do I have this douche on my top friends?" Then I remembered it was out of some shitty obligation, and that made me sad. Thanks for setting me free.
