Celebrity Bernie

About me:

Welcome to the Bernie Fan Club. This profile is dedicated to national celebrity, Bernie

Education

Bernie attended John Hunt of Everest in Basingstoke and finished with somewhat GCSEs. After leaving school at 16, Bernie had to make a decision: college or work. Unable to make a decision herself – a trait which has stuck with her to this day – she was encouraged to go see a career guidance counsellor. It was in an interview with a very candid counsellor that Bernie was told not to bother with work or further education because she lacks relevant skills to succeed in this world, and he jokingly suggested her best option is to become a celebrity. Bernie wrongfully took his suggestion genuinely and set off to become a national star.

Rise to fame

With an inability to sing, dance or even act, Bernie rouse to public attention in the summer of 2006 when she became famous for literally no reason at all. Since then, she has gone on to generate a substantial following of devoted fans and has several projects in the works.

Television appearances

Before becoming famous, Bernie made her debut appearance in a small televised project by comedian Andre Vincent called, Hurrah for Cancer, which featured such comedian hotshots as Ricky Gervais, Marcus Brigstocke, Phill Jupitus and Mr. Andre Vincent himself. This can be viewed on Andre’s profile (02:35, part one - Bernie sits behind Vincent with a saucepan on her head, fake-reading a magazine). Although she gave a very memorable performance in the background of that scene, it unfortunately failed to heighten Bernie’s celebrity career.

Recently, Bernie was asked, nay pleaded to make a cameo appearance in SixNationState’s new music video Fire. Although Bernie’s schedule was excessively hectic, she agreed to do it anyway as Gerry (lead vocals) is a dear friend. Bernie can be seen rocking out in the video on SixNationState’s profile

Currently, Bernie is filming a new reality TV show, Celebrity School.

Upcoming projects

In a nation of wannabe celebrities, Bernie is on the hunt for Britain’s next star, in her upcoming Celebrity School. The school will train total unknowns with no star quality to become celebrities using Bernie’s ‘Rising Stars’ method.

Bernie has finished writing her autobiography titled Bernie: the celebrity. It will be hitting all the shops across the UK (except Scunthorpe).

According to undercover research, Bernie is rumoured to be launching her own fragrance which has been described as, “the scent of Bernie.” This has yet to be verified by Bernie herself, who remains firmly hushed on the topic.

Beliefs

Bernie is part of the new religion The Aesops which is an atheist religion that follows the moral teachings of fabulist, Aesop.

Charity work

Bernie is the founder of ‘Say NO to...’ which is an organisation that aims to tackle global matters such as global warming, cancer, war and rape by gathering a collection of the public, who are opposed to a particular issue, and simply getting them all to say ‘NO’ to it. Although Say NO to… has yet to produce any results and been deemed completely unscientific by most, Bernie remains confident in the organisation’s future success.

Diet

The secret to Bernie’s curvaceous figure rests in the Ice Diet, a new nutritional regime that involves a balanced daily intake of ice. For breakfast, Bernie will have a couple of ice cubes with a glass of water. For lunch, a cup of crushed ice and perhaps a glass of water. For dinner, four ice cubes, a glass of water and an ice lolly for pudding. Judging by Bernie’s wonderful form, the results are clearly successful.

Links

The official Bernie Myspace page
The official Aesops Myspace page