TONY BENN! Atilla the Hun. Teri Horton. Hunter S. Thompson. Joel McHale. The Divine Marquis. Dr. Moreau. Dr. Weird. Dr. Octagon. Ice Oscillator. Thurman Merman. Malcom McDowell. Monkeybirds. Dirk the Daring. Kevin McKidd. Rant Casey. Dexter Morgan. Benjamin Horne. Vin Makasian. Father Jack Hackett. Maggie Jacobs. Karl Ruprecht Kroenen. Action Bastard. Captain Elliot Spencer. Mr. Croup & Mr. Vandemar. Grout. The Umbrella Corporation. Mr. Kidd & Mr. Wendt. Anton Chigurh. Frito Pendejo. Pogues. Iggy. EAP. EFC. ICP. Cramps. Elvis Costello. Red Elvises. Rube Waddell. Lemony Snicket. W.C. Fields. Edward Gorey. Patsy Stone. Theodore Geisel. Liam Idiot. Greg Brown. Dan Bern. Talking Heads. Primus. Dresden Dolls. MIA. Andrew Marvell. Darren McGavin. John Donne. TMBG. Soul Coughing. NIN. Merle Haggard. Hank. Johnny. Waylon. John Valby. McLean and McLean. Dirty Sanchez. John Waters. Patty Bernstein. Roland of Gilead. Saint Huck. Filthy Assistants.
- Midwestern Pan-Substance ‘Rasslin’ Champion Against Women 18 - 24, to Date: BBQ Sauce (2), Mud, Shaving Cream, Blood, Cocoa
- Borderline Disturbing
- Master of the Bad Touch
- Bwana Dick
- Choice of Choosy Moms (Hang Low Sweet Hairy Nuts)
- Hellbilly Werewolf Pirate
- Inventor of the ‘Pabst-Smir’
- All-Around Good Time
- Drunker Than You
- “Fucking” *is* my middle name
- Purveyor of Surrealestate
- Evictee (2nd Layer of Hell)
- When they made me, I fucked the mold! (Feels good, don’t it Jimi?!?)
- Citizen of the World
Aliases and Titles:
- Nutcake
- The Master of Disaster
- Majorly Whipped (Chemical Dependence Party)
- Mr. Delicious
- Heresiarch
- The Kink of Rock N Roll
- Elvis Fucking Christ
- Thingfish
- Baberaham F. Drincoln
- Oral B
- The Buckaneer
- Marquis de Mammory
- El Queso Rey
- Il Roi de Fromage
- Das Cheezenkaiser
- The Bishop of Boink
- Tit-Man-Kummin’ I
- The Albatrosstitute
- The ½ Ton Pick-Up
- The Keganator
- The Emperor of Drunktown (contested)
- Barmen (first class)
- Secretary of Steak
- Minister of the Posterior (retired)
- Grandmaster of Fuck
- the Midwestern Contradiction
- Emperor in Charge of Business Cookies
- The Human Oddity
- The Dirty Dragon
- The Binary Gorilla
- The Slotmonster
- Saddle Tramp
- The Sexecutioner
- El Cochino
photo by the deviant
Quotes:
“You’re the guy other guys are afraid to do guy stuff around, aren’t you?”
-- some kid at a party when he wouldn’t take a shot
"the buck you're seeing tonight is NOT the same buck who may or may not have murdered mac and muff graham on a deserted island in the book AND THE SEA WILL TELL"
-- Rachel Simpson
“now then, i met guys like Buck whilst in the pokey in rosarita, meh-hee-ko. they usually had been lookin' surly around them 20dollar watch-me-fuck-a-horse events, and got thrown in with us hardened-types on account o' tryin not to scare the tourists. story i heard about Buck was he got caught runnin outta one o' them joints with a pony costume tied around his waist and a mask pilfered from the Eqqus stables under his arm. whinny on mien fruend.”
-- Rod the Love Mechanic
“Didn't I see you in the Vomitorium last night?”
-- Domitian, Emperor of Rome
“Want to know something? Nothing goes better with a cold PBR than some ass spanking from BFN. I would know...I was there. Bring on the belts!”
-- Taylor James, Bitch!
“buck brings pbr wherever he goes at 2:00 in the morning...my personal hero...whatcha' doin' tonight captain beer-size cooler???”
-- Gilana Alpert (R.I.P.)
“mad respect, man.
emphasis on the mad...
why, you ask?
because you, my friend, do more without pants
than most people do all day.
see you around the playground.”
-- Jimmy Z (of the Strawdog Family)
“son of a mother fuckin whorey bitch who can't read good!”
-- Nikki Seven
“drunaked”
-- Lauren Braun
“You Nakeds are pretty sexy people... And no, I don't think you're handsome...”
-- Bubbles (TPB)
“you're everything that a big bad wolf could want....”
-- Nicole the Bruce
“That Buck's THE shit man!!!”
-- Jack Daniels
“my dearie jeeebus.... you are such a dick.”
-- Lorilee Leopard
“Viscous. Like Clover honey.”
-- Chesh
“Do not, I repeat, do not look directly into the drawer of gayness...bad things could hap...correction...worse things could happen!”
-- The Dirty Sanchez
“i will not stop praying for you.”
-- Timothy “yours in Christ” Lessner
“Hey you. I know you. Don't I?”
-- Christie the Eviscerator
“Why are you friends with so many Jesus's???”
-- Pirate Tenaya
“you are officially my favorite person ever.”
-- Katarina Papadatos
“You big old vagina head! I lost all my money because of you!... But at least they raped me afterwards...”
-- Old Man Sleepy
“Why would you pee in a bathroom this time of night?”
-- Dave Shameless
“Time flies when you’re an alcoholic!”
-- the Readheaded Hooligan
“I weep for my wasted brain cells. But what’s one more addiction?”
-- Stesha Merle
“It was SO lovely to meet you last night. I think that was the least banal time I’ve had at a party in years.”
-- Ashley Petrey
“I was just thinking about the first time I played ‘I Never;’ I was maybe 13 or so and didn’t really get it so I led with ‘I’ve never tried to suck start a Harley . . .?’ and you were the only one who laughed/didn’t yell at me.”
-- Mara Brenno
“Too bad our progeny won’t live long; with your sinister good looks and my telekinesis, they could have ruled the Earth like the Roman gods that their flawless genetics would have dictated . . . You truly are, to quote Herman Hesse, a vile beast brought low by hideous appetites. I just KNEW we'd get along!”
-- Tramputee
“Your rock my WORLD, daddy. You also rock the shit out of underground-tiki-themed-karaoke bashes, but who didn’t see THAT coming, you frakking rockstar.”
-- Jodi Kingsley
“Somewhere in heaven St. Peter has a book and he’s crossing out our names.”
-- Coryell Barlow
“You alcoholic . . . I’m jealous.”
-- Andy
“Tomorrow I’m going to punch you in the face. Be ready.”
-- Lara
“You’re so pretty . . . Oh so pretty . . . So pretty and witty and wise! That’s why you piss in the sink?”
-- Betty Blowtorch
“I got your voice mail . . . you are a bastard and I probably won’t sleep tonight . . . thank you.”
-- Sydney Genco
“WHOSE a rock star? YOU are! YOU are!”
-- Miss Mia Park
“I’ll make you a dress . . . but what are you gonna do for me?”
-- Cecile Dixon Reynolds III
“Damn. You don’t fuck around.”
-- Lori
“You have a cunt head . . . that is a head made up of vaginas . . .”
-- Justin
“Anytime with you is a good time . . . a really REALLY good time. I love your monkeys.”
-- Rae
“Buck you are one crazy muthafucka. I like it.”
-- Joey Vita
“What do you think is funnier: ‘Ku Klux Klaus the redneck Santa’ or ‘Anne Frankenstein’?”
-- Snidely Bareback
“Hey savage! Thanks for tha drinks last night and for the unexpected tattoo! It’s gorgeous! We have to do that more often!!! My prince of darkness.”
-- K to the Ristina
“Um, you pretty much rock! I thought Ohio sucked ass until I found Naked & Shameless.”
-- Nettie Hammar
"you're sweet and creepy."
-- Shama Dardai
“naughty monkey...”
-- Bethany
"There are no words for Buck – just a twelve pack of pork chops, a fifth of whiskey and a few hand signals."
-- T.J. Schwab
“funny... hundreds of miles away and you STILL make me uncomfortable!”
-- Ally Wetz
You are one of the many reasons why I think about shutting my phone off at night.
-- Ms. Wiggle
“your [sic] like Casper the friendly, drunk and horny ghost.” -- Lil’ Darlin’
“Ha Ha Didn't recognize you dressed as a ninja!”
-- Gil tha Thrill
"I'll sass your pants...."
-- Ms. Tiff
Other Titles by Buck F. Naked:
The Maxim Books of Maxims (created for the Beast of Bourbon) (2007)
The Price of Pussy (an unauthorized biopsy of Buck F. Naked by Buck F. Naked) (1969)
Trans-articulatory and Migration Patterns of Redheads (The Reverend Dr. Buck F. Naked, PhD) (1972)
"Waitress, could you bring me another waitress, please" and other anecdotes of a barfly cassanova.
(B.F. Naked, Blue Ball Press, 1983)
A Hot Dog in a Hallway, and other stories about where babies come from by Little Bucky N. (2008)
Hey, Buck A great pleasure and honor meeting you at The Horseshoe on Saturday. Your a fantastic entertainer and I greatly appreciate your philosophy. Hope to see you again soon. Rock on, Dan Peters and The West Side Winders
how are you, i am fine...HALLOWEEN IS THE MOST IMPORTANT HOLIDAY FOR THE MUSIC WORLD AND SO IS THE ENTIRE MONTH OF OCTOBER...women dress like hoes, everyone's in costume, violent metal shows...IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR...guess what...WE HERE @ LOST ANARCHY MAGAZINE ARE HERE TO HELP...what, what...IN THE BUTT...whatever...SAW THAT YOU GOTTA FEW EVENTS HAPPENING THIS MONTH AND YOU NEED TO ADVERTISE...i know...YOU GOTTA PAY RENT, 40 DOLLARS BUYS A LOT OF BEERS, I'D RATHER PAY FOR A HOOKER, WE HAVE TO TALK TO THE PROMOTER, BLA, BLA, BLA...whatever...TRUST US...we's doing it right this month...WE'S GOT OZZY, KORN, PIL, THE MENTORS, DEADBOLT, HEAVENLY TRIP TO HELL, AND YOU (for 40 dollars) ON THE COVER...i know...WE'S SOMEBODIES...so am i...WE ARE THE ULTIMATE WEAPON IN PROMOTION IN THESE PARTS...we's in los angeles, hollywood, weho, venice, lbc, orange county, inland empire, san diego, new york, and las vegas...AND BEYOND...our next issue comes out next saturday, october 10th and our deadline is monday...GIVE US A CALL @ 714-469-5190 AND GET A GOOD DEAL...we's got only a little space left!
Green Alien Tah Tahs? Flesh Tones Burlesque Has Teamed with SpyderMonkey Films to bring you Porcelain's Dolls So channel the inner geek in yourself and get out, to see that which only Capt. Kirk has seen before - That's Right Green boobies... All you gotta do is lay down the video game controller, and get your ass on out, this shows, going to blow your mind. Sat the 19th at the Viaduct theater- see you there.
