Popular conceptions are the best we have to go on. It seems that some riders have experienced the haunting high-pitched whistle when he is near, resulting from the wind whistling through his missing front teeth as he hickey-bobs on 18-wheelers in the immediate vicinity. He is known to bear stigmata, bleeding raspberries on his elbows and knees, he suffers the scab so that others need not. He can look cool pedalling in flowing robes, which is no small feat.
It was Bicycle Jesus who first gave man the tall-bike, so that he may "ride closer to bicycle heaven" in his daily pursuits. It is commonly believed that BJ has something to do with 3-speed hubs, but these intricate contraptions are actually the work of space aliens, homing devices, widely dispersed in the 1950's into a highly sophisticated network across the world enabling an interlocating saucer navigating grid yet to be surpassed by mankind's geostationary orbiting satellites of today. Space aliens are all evil, what with their abductions, probes, and the like and are therefore unwelcome into the house of our bicycle lord.
Prophets have conjectured that BJ also gave us the kickstand, so that one might symbolically always have something to lean on when the lord is not near, or otherwise indisposed.
Music
http://bicyclejesus.250x.com/earcandy.htm , but we can't host it there anymore, sorry...
Movies
http://www.dbrider.150m.com/
Television
broadcast, with rabbit ears
Books
Bible of Bicycle Jesus, the Bicycle Jesus Bible, the Bicycle Handbook, Riding High (honest! look it up at spl.org), the dictionary, the phone book, your diary, the Stranger
Heroes
all the dead babies, most of the live ones, and regular jesus
About me: Bicycle Jesus brought us the tallbike, so that we might ride closer to bicycle heaven. And the kickstand, too, so we might always have something to lean on when his shoulder is not near. And there is so much more...
Who I'd like to meet: We've all heard tales about that magical, mystical place we can ascend to in our sleepy dreams, our trance-like long downhill coasts, our alcohol-induced hazes. That place is bicycle heaven. It is there that Bicycle Jesus is Lord.
In bicycle heaven everywhere you need to go is downhill and just around the corner. The asphalt doesn't scratch you, there are no flat tires. Your bike does not shake or rattle, it simply rolls. Your brake pads never wear out nor need adjustment. Top tube-genital contact is never more than pleasantly tender. All the bicycle seats smell like roses. Chains and cables are unbreakable. Your frame will break only if that's what you really want, but they've all got free replacements, so...
bicycle jesus, you have inspired me.... after grrr was stolen a little over a month ago i began learning to ride unicycle in earnest.
see you at the downhill?
there's this thing called pedalpalooza going on here in june. bike porn and some other stuff, perhaps a fair? i'm organizing a particularly decadent witching-hour ride (shhh!) which would be awesome if some babies showed up to.
You know Bicycle Jesus, I really think you might be the answer to a new hope. Thanks for being around. How can I get my cross to protect me from the perilous one? I think I am switching sides.
