Dorothy Parker and Tom Robbins.
Maybe "God," but I'd prefer the ultimate higher power be a moody shrew Goddess so we could be great friends.
I could stand to meet a few interesting, friendly people, too.
As far as romance goes... one of my friends made the sweetest and most brilliant comment to my blog that I CANNOT improve upon:
She said: "You deserve a cowboy with a 10-inch dick who LOVES kama sutra balm and has BOTH his legs. He'd be a raving liberal who mumbles Tom Robbins quotes while he sleeps next to you."
Because then, yes, I would be one damn happy woman.