Mike

About me:

Hello computer dorks, weirdos, stalkers, enemies that are checking to see if I'm dead yet, and people who accidentally clicked on the incorrect link! I'm Mike. As far back as I can remember I always wanted to be a super-villain. And someday, I will be. But in the meantime I'm just some guy from Massachusetts who swears a lot. I occupy my time by playing a lot of video games, watching a lot of movies and TV shows, wasting time on the internet, occasionally getting drunk, trying to figure out how to make lots of money without doing any work, and writing children's books. Okay, that last one was a lie.

Before you decide that you'd like to duct tape me and throw me in the back of your van or in the trunk of your car, you'll be displeased to learn that I'm a man in my thirties. So I can't be lured by promises of seeing a cute puppy or by candy. Well, maybe the puppy. Possibly a pizza. Definitely a gigantic HDTV.

I'm a man of many talents, although sadly most of them involve a fork.

You probably know me from my (non-very popular or well-known) website www.bigdarkcloud.com. Which means that you shouldn't be allowed to use the internet and are most likely under some form of house arrest.

Deep down, I just want to be held.

...by a female robot made out of solid gold, that makes pizzas and has a built in Diet Coke/beer fountain. HDTV-output with digital 5.1 surround optional but preferred.

Interested in internet stalking me? Well, there's my website, and I have accounts with most of the IM services, even though the only one I regularly use is AIM. Messages from strangers that don't tell me who they are and what they want are usually ignored.

A few (semi) important notes about me and Myspace: read before trying to add me to your friends list!

I'm not a compulsive "friends" collector. I don't need to be one of those people with 200+ strangers listed as friends. I tend to only add people that I know in real life or that I've already met elsewhere on the internet. If I don't know you then you can send me a message telling me who you are and why you want to be added and maybe I'll add you. (People always seem to ignore this!)

I report spam profiles that try to friend me. I seem to do this daily. No, I don't want to "click to see your sexy pix."

I don't read bulletins for the most part, and I never post them. I have better things to do with my time. Most bulletins are just some idiotic quiz or questionnaire. I'm sorry to tell some of you this, but nobody really reads your answers anyway. We're not that interested.

I'm incredibly slow replying to messages. I also rarely leave comments.

No, I'm not interested in adding your band. If I was, I would've found you.

Comments with gigantic images, especially ones that flash and sparkle are just begging to be deleted. Same thing goes for videos. Nothing personal. I just don't want my profile to take fifteen minutes to load even on a cable modem, and most people immediately click close on profiles like that. I know I do.