Greetings. Evil Genius Ernst Blowfeldt here. I’m a mad scientist and I’m currently accepting applications for the position of Minion.
My family name was originally Blöwfeldt, but after I left the Institute for Advanced Evil Research, I decided to remove the dots from over the o and place them over my eyebrows. And I’ve never looked back.
I began my career in mad science at a small community college in upstate New York where I majored in World Domination. But the students and the faculty found my ideas to be…well, a bit unorthodox.
They called me mad. They mocked my theories. And it is for this reason that I became hell bent on enslaving all humanity. Well, that and the dental plan. You’d be surprised at how low the co-pay is. And they let you pick your own dentist.
And so, my first endeavor was to build a race of atomic supermen that would conquer the world. But you wouldn’t believe the permits you need for that. OSHA, Workers Comp, and don’t even get me started on the Minions Union.
My next plan was to overthrow the United States Government. But once I researched what those people really do, I decided to stick to being an evil overlord. I do have some principles.
Finally, I came upon the perfect plan: A hostile takeover of MySpace. Think about it! Thousands of people logging on every day, people just like you, people who know other people. All of whom will be susceptible to my Mind Control Beam (patent pending).
The natives in the islands around my secret fortress have a little joke about me. They say, “Stay away from Blowfeldt or he’ll cover you in liverwurst and drop you into a rat pit.”
I guess it’s not so much a joke as an urgent warning. Still, they’re talking about me. You know what they say: “It’s when the people stop talking about you that you have a problem.” At least, that’s what my publicist keeps telling me.
Who I'd like to meet: I’ll never forget the sage advice my father gave me when I turned seven. He sat me on his lap, looked me in the eye, and said, “Get off my lap, fat-ass. You’re killing me here.”
Then he and mother starved me until I was thin, at which point Father once again sat me on his lap and delivered the timeless words that echo in my head to this very day: “Sell out your friends.”
Of course, Father denies having said this to me. He claims he actually said, “Stand by your friends.” But that’s not how I remember it.
“Sell out your friends.”
I know what you’re saying. That sounds like such a devious thing to do. Well, it is my devious brain that seperates me from the monkeys at the LA Zoo. Well, that and a restraining order.
Of course, in my day I sold out my friends for the pure joy of being devious. Nowadays, it’s just a business. That’s why I am offering you one cent for every friend you sell out. And any friends your friends sell out will get the same deal.
How can you help? I’m glad you asked. I’m looking for some non-union minions. The only qualifications are myspace networking skills and a desire to make a couple of bucks. Becoming a minion offers numerous benefits, not the least of which is the bounty I pay: One cent for every friend you bring me.
And how does one become minion to an evil overlord like myself? Well, you can apply for internship, but it takes a little while to process the paperwork. To get started, simply email me at friends@blowfeldt.com
And minionship has its priveledges. For example, in exchange for a nominal membership fee, you will receive a laminated, official minion card that is guaranteed to get you free drinks at any bar in America. That’s right: Guaranteed.*
Future Ruler of Earth
Remote Island Fortress
Unchartered Waters, Atlantic Ocean, 91206
*Not a guarantee
DISCLAIMER: If you reveal my plot to Minions Union Local 726 I shall drop you in a shark tank. Wait, my shark tank is backed up and the plumber won’t be here until Thursday. Eel Pit, then. I shall drop you into an eel pit.
hey.. i got a free apple iphone from a website just for giving a zipcode. can you believe it??... get one before they run out goto: www.hellothereiphone.com here's a pic i took of mine...
Hey Ernst Blowfeldt! Thanks for the add! You're awesome. now help your girl out and sign up to this. no viruses or nothing. scouts honor!
click on that ;)
