Consistently Inconsistent

About me:

Likes: Polo shirts. People with accents. Road trips. Horror films. Partying. Historical fiction. Singing in the shower. Champagne. Ties. Cuddling. Competition. Power suits. Spin-the-Bottle. Current events. European radio stations. Elvis Presley. Sarcasm. Traveling. Random compliments.

Dislikes: Regret. Hangovers. Waking up before nine. Maryland drivers. Arguments. Missionaries. Exams. Guilt. People who act stupid on purpose. Good-byes. Bad kissers. Getting less than eight hours of sleep. Traffic. Gardening. Humidity. Mosquitoes.

I was born and raised an Army brat. I have an unhealthy obsession with rice pudding. I broke my collarbone three times as well as my arm, got sixteen stitches in three separate incidents, hit my neighbour in the face with a croquet mallet, and stabbed myself in the webbing between two of my toes with hedgeclippers in only four years because I really am the klutziest person I know. I have been to every country in western Europe except for Spain and Portugal; ironic, because the only other language I speak with any fluency is Spanish. I have broken more bikini tops than I can remember through no fault of my own. Fishing is the best, most relaxing activity in the world. I never leave home without a hairbrush. Elvis is God. My record number of cups of coffee in one diner sitting is sixteen, and I thought I was going to have a seizure afterward. If you have impeccable grammar and use impressive vocabulary, I'm yours, but if you misuse they're, their, there, you're, and your, I will likely slap you in the head. I've attempted to play six different instruments: recorder, alto saxophone, trumpet, piano, drums, and guitar. My first karaoke experience involved me singing "Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka-Dot Bikini" under the influence of waaay too much tequila. I was this close to converting to Catholicism in my third year of university. If you're my friend, and you're single, it is entirely likely that at a certain point I will try to get you to make out with me. I adore horror movies with a passion that is pure and true. I once set fire to my best friend's head ... accidentally, of course. One surefire way to make me happy is to let me drive around late at night and get lost in the countryside. I wear cologne rather than perfume, and Armani Code is my current favorite scent. If I leave home without my rings on, I feel extremely unlucky and completely exposed. I did tae kwon do for four years, and, yes, I can still kick your ass. I dance like a middle-aged white male accountant, until I have a few drinks and then I like to think I'm Shakira. I detest being woken up. I love me some duuurrrty martinis, but they make me behave inappropriately, so do remind me to pace myself if you're female, scantily-clad, and within arm's reach. I'd be happy wearing jeans and button-down shirts for the rest of my life. I love goats' cheese. My dream is to run my own '30s-style nightclub. I believe in ghosts, but am terrified of heights, sharks, and tidal waves. Oh, and I once played chicken with a garage door ... and lost.