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1) I am a dynamic figure often seen scaling walls and saving cats from tall trees.

2) I have the reflexes of a puma, the speed of a cheetah, and the attention span of a 10 year old.

3) I can walk up stairs with blinding speed.

4) I solve South American social issues while eating lunch and I write award winning Italian symphonies while I shower.

5) My godlike cello playing has been the subject of multiple documentaries.

6) I don't perspire.

7) I sleep once a month and when I do sleep, it is only on an ottoman.

8) I was banned from the Enchanted Forrest after fighting 3 bears for porridge.

9) The laws of space and time do not apply to me.

10) My vast knowledge of ethnic slurs makes men cower and women swoon.

11) I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail.

12) I defeat African Americans at basketball not through genetic superiority, but by a sound strategy and emphasis on fundamentals.

13) I know you're adopted and I'm alright with that.

14) I know where Waldo is, who framed Roger Rabbit, and who wants to be a millionaire.

15) I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie.

16) I enjoy urban surfing and rooftop bungee jumping.

17) I pilot my Geo Prism with confidence knowing that women always admire fuel economy over flashy, sleek style.

18) I am able to throw tennis rackets at moving targets with deadly accuracy.

19) I am an expert in Victorian style, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Montana.

20) When bored, I work on the nuclear reactor in my backyard and on Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

21) I am a master of international sign language and I'm also able to speek several dialects of chinese.

22) I've won 2 Iditarods, 3 purple hearts, and an elementary school spelling bee.

23) I put furniture together without directions and I boil water at room temperature.

24) Last and most important of all, I laugh, I balance, I frolic, and I clear my throat at most inoppurtune times.