Jake was on his deathbed while his wife, Becky, maintained a steady vigil by his side. As she held his fragile hand, her warm tears ran silently down her face, splashed onto his, and roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to quiver with sound.
"My darling Becky," he whispered.
"Hush, my love," she said. "Go back to sleep Shhh! Don't talk."
But he was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice. "I have to talk. I have something I must confess to you."
"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky. "It's all right. Everything's all right, go to sleep now."
"No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I slept with your sister, your best friend and our next door neighbor."
Becky mustered a pained smile and stroked his hand. "Hush now Jake, don't torment yourself. I know all about it," she said. "Why do you think I poisoned you?"
Two cannibals are eating a clown. The first cannabal says to the second, "Does this taste funny to you."
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The Happy Hangover
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"
He stumbles into the kitchen and sure enough, there is a hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee, and the morning newspaper all waiting for him. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 in the morning, drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh THAT! Well, Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,'Leave me alone, I'm married!'"
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Hey beautiful! Just sending some love ur way! Hope all is great and gracious on your end. Just chillin' on my days off. It's slightly raining over here. Oh, well. I'll try to make the most of it. Hope 2 hear from soon. Have a HOT, HOT day! Peace! RJ
Hey you see that guy in the picture next to this comment what a lame, whack, GIANT peice of turd bar..yeah I said it! TURD BAR! Im a loooooong peice of turd bar.
What's up, sexy? Hope ur week is starting off good and righteous! Though I'd drop by sending some major luv your way. Right now I'm just chillin' 4 da moment until it's time to go to work. Today is pretty sunny right now, hopefully it'll stay this way, yet it sucks that I have to work though. Oh, well gotta get paid right? Feel free to drop by sumtime let me know what's good with ya! Have a blessed one! Peace!
Hello Beautiful, What’s good and how is the summer coming along? Just wanted to stop by and say that I am so happy that we are still in touch with each other and that we still friendz. I see you are still doing it big and that things are moving forward. I hope we can continue to be friendz and hope to hear from you again soon. I got thingz coming up this summer/fall that I would love to get you involve in. Let’s talk and please come by anytime. I am still here and going strong!!!
