Photo of Brian Wheatley

Brian Wheatley

General Info

  • Genre:

    Stand-Up / Improv / Jokes

  • TV Shows

    None yet for comedy. But, I have been on the 6 o’clock news and a guest on a TV show for another reason. When I’m in public I keep getting in trouble for wearing short shorts so my banana can ripen with some fresh air.

  • Films

    I’d like to be in film, whether it be on the bait car live! website performing stand-up comedy or on crime stoppers robbing a pizza joint screaming, "GET ON YOUR KNEES! This is a stick up!" while I pleasure myself with an extra large slice of pepperoni pizza.

  • Albums

    I look forward to putting out a High Definition Blu-Ray one day... it probably won’t be any longer than five minutes, because even sex isn’t very fun after that point, it hurts... (That wasn’t supposed to be a gay joke, but it ended up being one...Sigh.)

  • Website

    Check out my YouTube Channel: youtube.com/user/1joke2joke3joke4

  • Bio

    Most people think a comedians job on stage is to tell jokes. I don’t do that anymore because it doesn’t work as well as what I do now. I now walk on stage with a certain swagger that would make any straight male swoon, but I don’t tell jokes, I just stand there after pulling down my pants - waiting for the laughter.

  • Influences

    Mitch Hedberg, Chris Rock, Weird Al Yankovic, Jim Carrey, Eddie Murphy, Stewart Francis, Jason Rouse, Emo Phillips, Jamie Foxx, Andy Milonakis, Tom Green, Jeff Dunham and all the other local Vancouver comedians, especially the ones who say I have body odor like a Skunk.

Blurbs

About me:

I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for my kind parents who let me escape poverty at six years old by teaching me how to break into houses. I am now very wealthy because my neighbors paid me well to give them their stuff back. With my earnings I love to buy lipstick at the dollar store.

I have a habit of leaving my house wearing nothing but Victoria Secret. The most flattering comment I have ever heard was my mom saying to me, "Don't go to school until you tuck in your Banana and Cherries!"

Who I'd like to meet:

Any out of town comedian who is visiting Vancouver.

Details

  • Status: Single
  • Hometown: Surrey
  • Orientation: Straight
  • Body type: 6' 1" / Average
  • Ethnicity: White / Caucasian
  • Zodiac Sign: Scorpio
  • Smoke / Drink: No / Yes
  • Occupation: I busk for a living by pole dancing at bus stops.

Interests

  • General

    My main interest is to write jokes that usually end up being bad, but sometimes I let them become good.

  • Music

    ..
    .. ..

  • Movies

    Any Comedian's work.

  • Books

    Dr. Peter R. Breggin is a great historian.

  • Heroes

    That's self explanatory. I wouldn't be where I am today if Stand-Up Comedy and Comedians didn't exist. They are the ones who taught me how to be funnier, before that I was just an odd guy walking down the street screaming at himself.

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