Kymberly S

MY SOLE PURPOSE FOR THIS SPACE IS TO TELL MY STORY IN HOPES THAT I CAN MAYBE REACH OTHERS WHO HAVE WALKED IN MY SHOES AND OF COURSE, THOSE WHO ARE STILL STRUGGLING TO FIND THEIR OWN PEACE...MAYBE THIS WILL HELP.

MY NAME IS KYMBERLY, AND I'M A DRUG ADDICT. AT THE TENDER AGE OF 14 I STARTED USING DRUGS. FIRST MARIJUANA AND GRADUALLY OVER TIME COCAINE, METH AND BY ACCIDENT, HEROINE. MY DRUG OF CHOICE HOWEVER, REMAINED MARIJUANA. IT STARTED OUT AS JUST A FUN THING TO DO WITH FRIENDS. IT DIDNT TAKE LONG TO NOTICE THAT WHEN I WAS HIGH I DIDNT FEEL. UNFORTUNATELY I ENJOYED NOT FEELING. MARIJUANA QUICKLY BECAME MY BEST FRIEND AND WE HUNG OUT TOGETHER FOR 24 YRS.

THERE WAS SO MUCH IN MY PAST THAT I WANTED TO FORGET...I HATED HAVING TO LIVE WITH THE AWFUL MEMORIES AND THE PAIN THAT CAME WITH THEM....SO STAYING HIGH BECAME HABIT. I STAYED AS HIGH AS POSSIBLE FOR AS LONG AS POSSIBLE. EVENTUALLY IT TOOK IT'S TOLL ON ME. I WAS CONSTANTLY DEPRESSED AND SUICIDAL AND I COULDNT FUNCTION NORMALLY. I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH SEVERE DEPRESSION, OCD AND BIPOLAR DISORDER. NONE OF WHICH GOT ANY BETTER, AS I CONTINUED TO USE. THE MEDS I WAS GIVEN HADNT A FIGHTING CHANCE TO WORK WITH THE DRUGS I WAS USING.

BY THE END OF SPRING 2005 I WAS AS DESPERATE AS I HAD EVER BEEN...THE 24 YRS OF DRUG ABUSE HAD ALL CAUGHT UP TO ME AND I WAS HORRIBLY SICK! I WAS RUNNING RAZOR BLADES THROUGH MY SKIN TO SOOTHE THE EMOTIONAL PAIN I WAS IN...GETTING HIGH JUST WASNT ENOUGH AT THAT POINT. I WANTED TO DIE. I WOKE UP ONE MORNING TO A BLOODY BATHROOM AND OVER 200 CUTS ALL OVER MY BODY...I HAD HIT AN ALL TIME LOW AND I KNEW I JUST COULDNT GO ON LIKE THIS ANYMORE! I STARTED TALKING TO GOD AT THIS POINT, BEGGING HIM FOR HELP. I DIDNT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO? FOR WEEKS I TALKED TO GOD I PLEADED FOR HIS HELP AND EXPRESSED MY FEARS OF LIVING WITHOUT DRUGS...I HONESTLY FELT I COULDNT LIVE WITHOUT THE USE OF MY DRUG! I KNEW I COULDNT MAKE IT THROUGH A SINGLE WITHDRAWL I HAD TRIED SO MANY TIMES BEFORE AND ALWAYS FAILED. THEN ONE DAY SOMETHING CLICKED, I CANT EVEN TRULY SAY HOW OR WHAT...ALL I KNOW IS I TOOK A HUGE STEP OF FAITH AND FOR JUST ONE SECOND I BELIEVED THAT GOD KNEW HOW I FELT AND HE WOULD CARRY ME THROUGH THIS. (THANK GOD MY FAMILY HAD RAISED ME TO KNOW GOD'S LOVE) I COULDNT GET INTO ANY TREATMENT FACILITIES BECAUSE I WAS A "CUTTER" AND DUAL DIAGNOSED...SO ALL I HAD WAS GOD.

I DIDNT BUY ANOTHER BAG OF DOPE THAT WEEK, INSTEAD I HELD TIGHT TO THE SMALL DESIRE IN ME THAT WANTED TO GET CLEAN AND THE PROMISE FROM GOD THAT HE WOULD NEVER LEAVE OR FORSAKE ME...AND HE DIDNT!!!

TODAY I AM ALMOST 8 MONTHS CLEAN!!!!

THIS JOURNEY IS STILL NEW, I'M STILL WORKING ON REDISCOVERING WHO I AM....WITHOUT DRUGS. PLEASE FOLLOW ME ON THIS JOURNEY WHETHER YOU'VE WALKED IN SIMULAR SHOES OR NOT.

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