Bryan Callen's Blog
All Relationships Start with a Lie
Well, it is my belief that all relationships start with a lie and if they are to last the lie must be sustained to some extent. Honesty is very delicate territory and has very little place in relationships.
Let's take the first meeting: A man and a woman connect and start to talk because they're "attracted" to one another. Usually for the man, "attracted" means I want to get her naked and in my hands as fast as possible.
For the woman, my guess is she's in a constant decision making process. It probably goes something like, "well, he's cute but what if he's weird? I'll talk to him for a while and check for red flags. Does he have a girlfriend? What's he do for a living? Is he a cannibal? What's with those shoes and do my friends notice them? Are my friends watching this whole thing? Do THEY think he's cute? Are they going to think I'm a slut if I make out with him later? (I'll get those answers in the bathroom)." This is what she's thinking. What she's saying is always very different. She's probably laughing at his jokes or she's feigning disinterest to some degree - it all depends.
The man is also saying one thing and thinking the other, but what he's thinking is something crude like (are you a freak? Meaning do you take it in every hole or something awful and true like that) what he's saying, however, is usually something about how either rich, athletic, or intense he is. Maybe all three. He's definitely telling her how painfully beautiful she is.
If he's smart, he'll find a unique way of saying it like, "you have this.....essence. I don't know. You walk into a room and you actually change the air. Do people tell you that? (9 times out of 10 she'll say yes, modestly, and then insist she doesn't mean to change the room's air at all!) Then you'll continue with how she glides instead of walks or floats instead of plods, like most girls... which MUST be from her years as a dancer and if she's not a dancer then she should be.
Here's another tip guys...ply her with drinks and then tell her she makes you feel a little IRRATIONAL. That's always exciting.
By the way, in the heat of the chase, the guy usually believes everything he's saying. He really does. It's only after he's conquered your defenses and climbed your walls that he starts to come to his senses. The eyes aren't as blurred any more. He went from underwater to high def - if you get my drift.
So in conclusion, I believe this is part of our nature. It's not unlike a peacock spreading his feathers. We accentuate and exaggerate our strengths and hide our shortcomings.
As the relationship goes on and both parties become more secure in the connection, I think a lot of couples will keep up the facade. Men try to act "hard". They make up a past - "yeah when I was younger... (Sound effect here) I was craaaaazy...I did things...I can't tell you about...but believe me, I've done it all. I'm just lucky I'm not dead or in jail etc." This shows a woman that he's an animal and if it weren't for her, he'd probably be out killing, fucking, and eating what he kills and fucks, because he's that MALE.
Women, on the other hand, always try to downplay their pasts. They've only had sex with 2 guys, never had a one night stand, and never had a huge dong. In fact, their current man's dong is almost TOO MUCH for their pretty little flower to manage.
EVERY MAN I KNOW, INCLUDING MYSELF BELIEVES WE'RE THE BIGGEST AND BEST OUR GIRLS HAVE EVER HAD. It's a lie but we'll cling to that lie because we HAVE TO. YOU WANT TO KILL A MAN LET HIM KNOW SOMEONE IN YOUR PAST HAS BEEN A LOT FURTHER DOWN THAT ROAD. HE'S DONE!
By the way, if you want a man to stop hitting on you (this is for white, Hispanic and Asian girls.) Just tell him you've always dated BLACK MEN IN THE NBA. - It's just what you're attracted to. That's like kryptonite to most men including most black men by the way. We're all insecure in that regard. (I'm not)
So, in conclusion, I believe we are liars and in the end it's probably what nature expects from us. So all you people who say that you're looking for '' HONESTY IN A RELATIONSHIP" I say YOU'RE LYING!
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